Guess we could file this under 'it's not so bad'.....this is the story that proves that there is 'No Love For Frank'.
It's around 1997, or maybe 1998. It was my first year having transferred to a new college, and it's mid term exam time. I had just gotten my ass kicked in a few of them, and my friend had the typical shitty day at work (and when is working on Wall St. as a techie NOT a shitty day at work?). It's around 3am, and we need a beer. Problem is, round these parts liquour stores close around 9 or 10pm, and bars aren't open past 2am.....so we drove around and found the one place left open that would serve beer: Stevie T's.
Now, Stevie T's is your typical 'gentlemans club', but is a bit on the small side. We go in, sit at the bar, and order some Guinness, and begin to shoot the shit about our week. During the discourse, one of the dancers hear me utter the phrase 'No Love For Frank' (around here, it's an institution...like death and taxes). She came over, told us that she heard the phrase, and wondered what it meant (the way we say it, it sounds like the institution). So it was explained. Either out of pity, sadness, or a desire for greenbacks in the G string, she steps back and begins dancing. She said something about it 'making me feel better'. I should have known.
Keep in mind that I am a guy. Not only that, but I am like Mr. Glass from Unbreakable. For every great wooer of women out there, there exists me on the opposite end of the scale. So I do exactly what a guy in that situation does in this situation. I look. When she shakes her chest, I look. When she does a pelvic thrust, I look. When she begins to inch down the G-string, I look. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong....lo and behold, her hands drop the string like it was on fire, she lights me with a rather cold and malevolent stare, and says:
"See. That's why you get no love. Your friend here was looking at my eyes, but YOU were just staring at my snatch."
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(Yes, it's an exact quote. Lines like that pretty much get burned into the brain permanently.) Upon delivering this line in her best Kathleen Turner from The War of the Roses impression, she stalks off. It was, upon further reflection, truly one of the most Rodney Dangerfieldian experienses I have ever witnessed, much less been a party to. One of the very few times I've been left speechless.
So, LT, cheer up....I can't even get any respect in a strip club...