Posted: 1/30/2007 7:14:12 AM EDT
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It totally depends on your situation. If you can split up amicably without dragging lawyers into it, you may save a whole lot of money and grief. The first and most important question is: Do you have any children together? That makes more of a difference than any property or money issue. |
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... these days, most States are just looking for an equal and equitable distribution of assets and liabilities ... the best thing you can do, is for the both of you to realize this and develop a plan you can present together to the courts ... if done properly, no one comes out ahead or behind |
I don't think it is necessarily the best advice to clean out any joint bank accounts without first talking to a lawyer. You may get slammed later on in Court for that tactic. |
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If you can go amicably through a mediator, you will both come out ahead. If each of you have to use lawyers, only the lawyers come out ahead. Whatever pittance someone can get ahead with, will be nullified with the lawyer fees. ETA - Have ya tried working things out? Sounds like you've been married a long time. Call me a little old fashioned, but both should give it a wholehearted effort. |
This is what me and my ex did. I actually got the best end of the deal. |
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I've had two divorces. The first one was an agreed divorce cost $600 and we split the stuff by half. I'm still going through a 2nd divorce going on a year now. Do this before you tell her: 1) Remove or cancel her name off any lines of credit. If you can't remove hers, see if you can remove yours. 2) Set up a 2nd bank account in your name. Put everything you don't want to lose into that. Keep the money now, let the lawyers figure out who gets what. 3) Cancel all cell phones, paypal accounts etc. or have her removed. 4) Put whatever valuables you don't want to lose somewhere else, let the lawyers fight over it, but you'll still have it until then. 5) Get the hell out, or have her get the hell out. |
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i would try and work it out... unless she has already mentioned divorce to you. then you are already behind the 8 ball. divorce is never a pleasent thing, nor cheap for that matter! sell guns to friends for wholesale prices, then buy them back at the smae price u sold them for. document the sale |
I strongly disagree. We see a lot of divorces that started out in mediation, and went to shit. Does mediation work sometimes? Yes. Does it work most of the time? No. A lot of the time, the mediator ends up siding with one person whether they mean to or not.
Bullshit. A lawyer is a person educated and trained in the law, paid by YOU to advocate for YOU. When you are talking about money, property, children, etc (although children are not an issue in this case), you should have a person on YOUR side who can advise you on what your options and rights are. Someone who looks out for you. Just because a situation might be amicable does not mean that both sides should not have their own lawyers. And both sides having lawyers does not have to make a situation hostile. A divorce is a major life change. Lots of decisions have to be made, and there are a lot of issues to resolve. Short of fraud or duress, little to nothing can be done to change anything if you sign off or waive your right to something, and then later change your mind, realize that you were not aware of your rights, or (God forbid) find out something that makes you feel less-than-amicable.* A mediator works for both of you which means that they have no loyalty or duty to either of you as individuals. When there is money/property/whatever at stake, the smart thing to do is do it the right way, have your bases covered, and hire someone to look out for you. *We have had clients who were willing to waive rights to money and property, only to have their minds changed by our advice, and who later found out that their ex had been having an affair all along (in one case with the client's best friend). |
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Cheaper to keep her? j/k... The "give your guns to a friend" is good advice, but honestly COMMUNICATION is the KEY. Keep trying. Try other modes of COMMUNICATION. It is worth the investment, unless you were just out of your mind when you met your spouse, meaning psychotic, etc. Especially if you have children, its not fair to them. If you do, wait till they are of age, until then FAKE it better. COMMUNICATE post ad nauseum |
THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE We generally tell our clients to take out $1 less than half of what is in joint accounts. Rules and laws vary state by state but in general if you clean out an entire account you will have to account for the money sooner or later. THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE |
i say ditto on the cya my a THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE part....this is friendly advice. |
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Do you have a prenup? If so, no worries. You'll have about a $1000 legal bill and you just split everything up according to the prenuptial agreement. No fighting, no arguing, no massive legal bills, and no using lawyers for revenge etc. If you don't have a pre-nup, prepare yourself for 6 months to a year of misery, fighting and massive legal bills. Typically what happens is once your wife hears from her lawyer that she's entitled to XYZ, she's gonna go after it. Of course you won't agree and what ensues next is a bunch of back and forth between the two lawyers at a rate of $300-$600 per hour per lawyer. Anytime money is involved, people tend to get very irrational and unrealistic. If you and your wife can stay rational, you'll eliminate alot of this pain and expense. A clear understanding of the law and the expected court outcome will help you settle early on, avoiding a fight and lots of legal bills. YOU AND YOUR WIFE SHOULD NOT LET YOUR LAWYERS TALK YOU INTO THINGS THAT YOU KNOW ARE UNREALISTIC. Some lawyers are snakes and do this just to start a fight and rack up some legal bills. Of course since you're asking for divorce, your wife is likely gonna want revenge and she's gonna use her lawyer to get it (more legal fighting and her going after more of your assets). If there is another woman in the picture, expect that revenge to be ratcheted up a few notches. Even is it's legal to see another woman after you file for divorce, DO NOT let your wife find out you're seeing someone else. Keep this from her UNTIL the divorce is final. Anything you do to piss her off directly translates into increased legal bills for you (and her - which you could end up paying also). Be very careful what you say or do. DO NOT send any emails or leave any voice-mails that could be considered threating or combative. Also, she could be recording your conversations. Be careful whatever you say. She may use this type of stuff against you and claim you are a threat or dangerous to yourself or others (which could result in your firearms being confiscated). Always stay polite and rational when speaking to her no matter what the form of communication. Good luck! |
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I'm sorry. It has been three years since mine walked out and 2 years since the D was final. DO NOT ALLOW HER TO SLAP YOU WITH ANY SORT OF RESTRAINING ORDER! If she tries, fight it. I allowed it to happen to me and it was like having a sword hanging over my head the entire year of the divorce. |
Same thing with my wifes first marriage. They fought for a year during the divorce proceeding and the final legal bill was $190,000 for the both of them. Her X used his lawyers and did everything he could to make her life as miserable as possible. |
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I've been divorced for 14 years. My ex has taken me to court 19 times - 17 of those since the divorce was final. I call it "recreational litigation". She is obsessed with doing damage, and the legal system is the best method she's discovered so far. One of those trials went all the way to the state supreme court and made new law. I keep a running tally of my legal bills - mine, not hers - so I can tell my kids where their inheritance went some day. The total as of this morning: $669,615.08 I am an ATM for lawyers. |
Wow. |
Jeeze o' Pete. In hindsight it probably would have been cheaper and less risky to hire a hitman. (Just a joke -- don't ban me or lock this thread please). On a serious note, that is absolute insanity and the lawyers taking your ex's case ought to be strung up. |
How much did she get of that? 
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It would honest to God be cheaper to just hire a  and......... well.**** the above statement is intended for humor only and is not intended as sound advice. wink wink*** *** these words are not intended to cancel out the info on the ** but were also meant as a joke. eta All joking aside Turret unless it is really bad don't throw away all those years of being together, there is a lot of help out there now for marriages not going so well. I know you posted in here and I am sure you are really worried about more than just losing your $$, home etc... Good luck bro and hopefully things will work out well for you, I will keep you in my prayers man. |
None. That's my legal bill, not the property settlement. |
Wow. In NH? Do you have a business or something major like that to fight over? |
He's a commercial pilot, IIRC. |
Rodent, I used to whine that I got taken for $27,000! From this day forward, whenever I start feeling sorry for myself I will remember that Rodent was out $669,615.08! By the way, what in the hell do you do for a living and how are you going to pay all that off? None of my business by you have piqued my curiosity. Harp |
No, she just wants a never-ending nuclear war. She's about bankrupted both of us. I'm sure she spent at least twice what she got from me, including the house. She remarried and had a second husband who was bankrolling her for a while, but then he got tired of it and divorced her, too. She's throttled back since then. |
I'm a pilot. I cashed in my IRA, borrowed from my 401K, lived in a trailer with no electricity or plumbing, took out a second mortgage, sold a bunch of rifles, donated a $16,000 horse to a college riding team, drove an old pickup truck or rode a bicycle, and pinched pennies until they screamed. I never thought I'd dig my way out of the hole, but I did. I'll never recover from it as far as retirement and etc. though. Not that I'm planning anything, but I understand completely why guys occassionally snap and run their ex's through woodchippers or blow away lawyers. |
Sorry to hear about all that man. I won't hesistate to go to war for a client if need be, but I refuse to participate in frivilous litigation. That's the way my father taught me to practice and that's the way my firm practices. It's a shame when litigation becomes someone's hobby. |
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Thanks for the good advice guys. No "internet" girlfriend, No other kind either. I am not a troll, paid or otherwise, but your thoughts are appreciated. Without airing our laundry, niether one of us is happy now. I fully realize I am not the easiest guy to live with, but it does take two. The funny thing is, we both have it better now than we've ever had it is our lives. Anyway, thanks again, I've got some things to think about. |
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Rodent, Granted I'm more than a little naive with regard to the courts, but at some point doesn't a family judge see that you've had to defend yourself on 17 seperate occasions and get a clue that the system is being abused? Holy hell! You're a far better man than me... I'd love to know what EB thinks of that whole situation. 
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Some of them probably would. For whatever reason, the one we've had most of the time does not. A few things I've learned: Judges are just lawyers with a "promotion". They are flawed humans, just like everybody else. Many of them have an agenda. Many are biased. Lawyers are playing a game. They don't spend a lot of time agonizing about right or wrong, they just want to win. Prosecutors will happily convict someone they know is innocent, and defenders celebrate if they get an acquital for someone they know is guilty. Judges are just the referees to make sure the lawyers follow the rules of the game. The bad news is that you and I don't even know what the rules of the game are. They're playing the game for money - our money, not theirs. The stakes of the game are our freedom and quality of life, not theirs. When the game is over, they go out for drinks together and don't spend much time considering what they just did to you. Bottom line: NOBODY cares what happens to you on the altar of family law but you. |
While what you say is true in some cases, you shouldn't paint the entire legal profession with such a broad generalization. There is good and bad in every profession. Good and bad doctors, good and bad lawyers, good and bad cops, good and bad teachers... you get the point. |
How old are you kids? Does she have alimony(sp) ? What did she end up getting out of the settlement? |
Double OMFG WOW!!! |
Should be repeated. |
18, 20, 22.
Not anymore. She got alimony for two years.
The house, two of three cars, half my pension, $123,000 cash, medical insurance and bills for 18 months, alimony for two years, 40% of my salary for child support (I'm still paying it for all three kids, but she tells them she doesn't get anything). 
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