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Posted: 8/8/2002 9:06:00 AM EDT
[#1]
I keep forgetting to ask the solicitor for their home number, like on "Seinfeld." I usually just hang up without saying anything, but it is sometimes fun to play "keep the sucker on the phone" If I'm bored I'll tell them that I'm not me but I will go get him, then I come back every few minutes to say that I'm on my way into the house & I really want to talk to them and would they please stay on the line-I've never gotten past 14 minutes yet tho.
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Posted: 8/8/2002 9:28:30 AM EDT
[#2]
I had one just the other day while I was dealing with the garage door installer...thought it was a call from the garage door company...answered it and right away I knew he was a telemarketer and as he began to try to snare me in and get me to acknowledge his 'pitch', I asked him to hold a moment....set the phone down and went about my business....ten minutes later when I returned to the phone, he was gone with the wind.
I guess he understood that time is money. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 9:39:08 AM EDT
[#3]
A buddy of mine and I were just about to walk out of the door with the golf clubs one day when a telemarketer calls him. He lets them get their pitch through, and then replies "you know, that sounds like something I'd REALLY be interested in, but I'm about to have sex with this hot chick that I just met and her girlfriend too, and they've brought some really cool toys, so could you call back?"
For some reason they always hang up first[:)] |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 9:47:26 AM EDT
[#4]
A co-employee just told me about how he got rid of one last night. George is learning to play the banjo. A telemarketer called, hawking credit cards. George eventually got to the point of, "Since you wasted my time, I think that I deserve some of yours. I've been working on this song. Listen and tell me what you think." He played for a minute and went back to the line. The marketer didn't say much other than to give him the 800 number in case he was interested in another card.
I asked him for a recording so that I can use it in the future. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 9:53:41 AM EDT
[#5]
One time I answered the phone "hola", and this telemarketer starts to give me his BS. I say "no habla englaise". He goes "what you don't speak english? Yo no habla enlaise". I said "Si, si". I was thinking I got the better of him, when he busts out his BS in Spanish. Clearly he learned it in high school, but it was still better than mine. I kept him on the phone with my bad spanish for at least 5 minutes, then break out the spanish swear words and hung up. I don't know if he ever figured it out.
The last time one of these scum-suckers called I hit him with my stock reply: "If your offer does'nt involve Anna Kournikova showing up at my door naked, you can hang up now!" Every single one of them says "Have a nice day", then hangs up. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 10:00:06 AM EDT
[#6]
My favorite is when the telemarketer calls selling some sort of phone service. I answer "I don't have a phone". They always say "Then what are you talking on?". I answer "Is that what this is? Damn, I better get rid of it before any of those fucking telemarketers start calling me and wasting my time." and then I hang up.
The other nice one is just to start apeaking gibberish like "You can't start a car with a popsicle" or "Five lame oreos sitting on the whistle" or "Why can't not like chicken feet salad" That usually lasts about two or three minutes then they hang up. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 10:03:49 AM EDT
[#7]
I received this best advice about five years ago. This works so well I very rarely get a telemarketing call. When a call comes in, I just answer and say...
Me: Hello TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr. Ukashaka available? Me: Sure, What is your name? TeleMarketer: Steve Me: Steve, will you please put me on your do not call list? 90% of the time they will tell me to have a nice day and NEVER call back. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 10:07:41 AM EDT
[#8]
Happened last week.
RING- Hello. This is Renee with XYZ Mortgage Com... Mortgages? Man you're just the person I want to talk to. I'm looking to purchase some mortgages. How many do you have? Er, um ... If you don't have any you're wasting my time! CLICK |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 10:13:10 AM EDT
[#9]
Quoted: I received this best advice about five years ago. This works so well I very rarely get a telemarketing call. When a call comes in, I just answer and say... Me: Hello TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr. Ukashaka available? Me: Sure, What is your name? TeleMarketer: Steve Me: Steve, will you please put me on your do not call list? 90% of the time they will tell me to have a nice day and NEVER call back. This technique is the most effective that I've found. The number of telemarketer calls that we get has steadily gone down since we started doing this. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 10:23:00 AM EDT
[#10]
Every time I ask to get an the "Do not call list", they start asking me my life story. Name, address, phone number, etc. I got in a big argument with one of them cause I ain't given 'em my friggen information. They were claiming I have to give them my info otherwise they can keep calling. I asked to speak to a supervisor, and then she hung up. Bastids!!!
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Posted: 8/8/2002 10:47:16 AM EDT
[#11]
Quoted: I received this best advice about five years ago. This works so well I very rarely get a telemarketing call. When a call comes in, I just answer and say... Me: Hello TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr. Ukashaka available? Me: Sure, What is your name? TeleMarketer: Steve Me: Steve, will you please put me on your do not call list? 90% of the time they will tell me to have a nice day and NEVER call back. But this method takes all the fun out of it! |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 10:59:05 AM EDT
[#12]
I tailor my replies to the caller:
Colorado Prime (beef): "I'm a vegetarian" Newspaper or magazine subscriptions: "I'm blind" Next time there is a credit card off, I'll say I'm bankrupt. Of course, since I put the out-of-service number tones at the beginning of my answering machine outgoing message, I hardly ever get telemarketer call anymore. their computer calls my house while I'm at work, hears the tones and removes myu "bad" numebr from their list... [}:D] |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 11:12:16 AM EDT
[#13]
I enjoy being woken up when I'm on mids. Last week I get a call from AT&T. The guy gives his spiel asking me how I'm doing. I reply "I'm kinda busy," politely trying to get rid of him. He gets all bent and asks, "So why did you answer the phone????!!!!" I was so foggy I did't have a comeback!!
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Posted: 8/8/2002 11:20:46 AM EDT
[#14]
Whether it's credit cards, siding or long distance (especially credit cards), I always tell them that i'd love to have some of their product. However, first I'll have to check with my bankruptcy attorney because that judge told me no more credit cards. Works every time.
Heard a CD recently where the guy told the telemarketer he was unemployed and really needed a credit card. Spent all his time now watching porno movies. About that time he hollered "hey, Johnny, bring me some hand lotion while I talk to this lady." She hung up. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 12:03:45 PM EDT
[#15]
About a month ago, I had couple pieces of sh*t walk up to me while I was in the garage, I had just finished cleaning my rifle.
One of them was tall black guy that didnt talk much, the other was a redheaded chick who talked WAY too much. Tried to tell me they were from the local high school, and that they were trying to earn points for a trip Bermuda or something. At that point I realised they were MAGAZINE sellers, so I asked if they were and the girl got all cheery and nice. It was then that I told them they had 5 seconds to be off my property. The girl starts giving me all sorts of crap as I start walking to the back of the garage, calling me a "hater" and other adjectives used by the white-trash types. Decidedly pissed she was. Anyway, I reached the back of the garage where I had the rifle, I set it upright, butt on the workbench, turned around and told them they now had 2 seconds to leave. They left quickly and never came back. The only reason I could tell that they were about sell magazines is that, about 9 years ago, the same thing happened, except it was one cute chick. My roommate and I bullshitted her into showing us her tits, but was INCREDIBLY pissed when we told her to leave right after she did it...LOL...She was screaming and swearing all over the place...LOL |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 1:07:14 PM EDT
[#16]
I had a guy knock on my door one night after dark claiming he was in a contest to meet people in the neighborhood. I was standing about halfway behind the door while I listened to him. He was very outgoing and kind of pushy. I was trying to nicely brush the kid off but wasn't having much luck. Eventually he had to show me his literature. Turns out he was selling magazine subscriptions. As I stepped around the door for a better look at what he wanted to show me, I sensed that his attitude had changed. Suddenly he seemed quite content to accept the fact that I wasn't interested and he seemed real anxious to leave. It was kind of weird the way his demeanor changed so fast. As I closed the door and started into the other room it hit me............I was wearing my Glock 22 on my hip. LMAO. He must have seen the damn thing and figured I was half nuts for running around inside my house wearing a gun. He obviously didn't see it untill I stepped out from behind the door to see his literature. I still chuckle about that.
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Posted: 8/8/2002 1:49:08 PM EDT
[#17]
I don't have any particularly good brush-off's but FYI...I bought my mom a Telezapper about a month ago, you wouldn't believe how well this thing works.
On sale for 35 bucks. Worth every penny. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 2:26:33 PM EDT
[#18]
I have irritated telemarketers before by telling them I really like paying more money for less service.
One of them was a womenz with a really sexy voice. Being as she had just woke me up, I didn't have the presence of mind to ask for her name and home phone number. I have flirted quite a bit with womenz in tech support. Now that's fun [:D] |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 2:54:02 PM EDT
[#19]
Do what Jerry Seinfeld did.
Telemarketer: Hi, I would like to try to sell you such and such: Seinfeld: Listen, I am busy right now, why don't you give me your home number and I will call you back. Telemarketer: I am sorry sir, I can't do that. Seinfeld: What, you don't like people calling you at your own home! Now you know how I feel! |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 3:07:42 PM EDT
[#20]
Quoted: Of course, since I put the out-of-service number tones at the beginning of my answering machine outgoing message, I hardly ever get telemarketer call anymore. their computer calls my house while I'm at work, hears the tones and removes my "bad" number from their list... [}:D] That is the most excellent idea I have heard yet. Too bad I use Qwest voice mail instead of an answering machine. That idea rocks! |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 3:14:35 PM EDT
[#21]
Quoted: Of course, since I put the out-of-service number tones at the beginning of my answering machine outgoing message, I hardly ever get telemarketer call anymore. their computer calls my house while I'm at work, hears the tones and removes myu "bad" numebr from their list... [}:D] Where can I download those tones? Do you have a wave file or something like that? |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 3:19:09 PM EDT
[#22]
Quoted: The only reason I could tell that they were about sell magazines is that, about 9 years ago, the same thing happened, except it was one cute chick. My roommate and I bullshitted her into showing us her tits, but was INCREDIBLY pissed when we told her to leave right after she did it...LOL...She was screaming and swearing all over the place...LOL She showed you her tits then you asked her to leave? Are you retarded? Sounds like you could've gotten laid. [bounce] |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 3:26:06 PM EDT
[#23]
Quoted: Heard a CD recently where the guy told the telemarketer he was unemployed and really needed a credit card. Spent all his time now watching porno movies. About that time he hollered "hey, Johnny, bring me some hand lotion while I talk to this lady." She hung up. All of my friends know to call me on my cell phone so I know that if the house phone rings it's either a wrong number or a telemarketer. When I'm bored I'll answer it and if it's a woman I'll start with "You have a really nice voice." then let her continue for a minute before I start asking her what she looks like, what she's wearing, what type of underwear does she have on, does she swallow... Every once in a while I get one who plays along. One time when I asked the woman what she was wearing she said she always comes to work in short mini-skirts with no underwear so that she can herself while talking to sexy sounding guys like me. That woman's got a real future in sales! |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 4:19:50 PM EDT
[#24]
If you live in Oregon, get on the state no-call list for $6.50/yr. (http://www.ornocall.com) Oregon really does go after violators, in state and out of state, at the rate of $25,000/violation. This has cut down 95% of my calls. The other 5% are scared sh*tless I will turn them in.
To get rid of the junk mail I called 1-888-5optout. This cut down 75% of my credit card junk mails and those worthless (and dangerous) "cash me" checks. |
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Posted: 8/8/2002 4:36:50 PM EDT
[#25]
You guys gotta love this one:
I share a house part time with an older, married woman (just roommates, nothing else - long story) She's not there. Telemarketer: "May I speak with Mrs. Jones?" Me: "Is this a sales call?" TM: "Yes" Me: "(Ina deep voice) This is Mrs. Jones" You could hear crickets on the other side of the line while the TM decides what to do. TM: "WWWWe have a great deal on a credit card...." Me: "I'm sorry. I'm just in the middle of doing my nails right now. Can I get your number and call you back?" TM: Hangs up. It was way too funny. |
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Posted: 8/9/2002 8:16:44 AM EDT
[#26]
In Michigan, all you have to do when telemarketers call is to ask them to put you on their no call list. I always say,
"Excuse me, what is your name? Oh, Bob. Well Bob, I am writing down your name and the name of the company you are calling for on my list, Please put me on your no call list. Michigan has a law you know." More often than not they say, "Yes sir, we won't bother you again." |
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Posted: 8/9/2002 8:40:11 AM EDT
[#27]
yes but you dont get to have the fun of messing with them. a game of smear the telemarketer can be relaxing.
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Posted: 8/9/2002 9:31:53 AM EDT
[#28]
One of my favorites:
Her: "Hello, Can I please speak to Mr D?" Me: "Is this a solicitation call?" Her: "I am not a solicitator[sic]!!!" She starts screaming at me, thinking I just called her a prostitute (or perhaps a lawyer). At supper, the day after Dad's funeral, a telemarketer calls, and asks to speak to Mr D". We had the whole family together, and I see my 3 year old nephew and say "Caleb, it's for you." and hand him the phone. "Hewo? Who dis?" |
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