How many of us lost their relationships (partially) to their jobs.

I think in hindsight I did, I think I did when I was among the first five units to arrive at a club fire with more than 250 burned youngsters. My inability to share my experiences, the sheer angst and horror of it all. Driven by my fear to transfer my experience on to someone without the professional help I was offered.

Why ask you may ask, a collegue joked today I fitted the paramedic profile. Working more than one year with EMS, undergoing the emotional consequences of a disaster and ending up ending a relationship.

I am not doubting my choices for EMS for one minute, but having seen this a lot with brothers in LE, Military and FD I am pondering what kind of woman it takes to put up with people like us.

Kuiper

My divorce became final two months ago.  I think the shift work, extra jobs, court time, volunteer time had some impact on my spouse and aggravated our differences.  I left when I believed she became mentally abusive, but my insistence that all that stuff was "part of the job" drove her to distraction.

The bad stuff I've seen doesn't bother me, I sleep well and don't dwell on the suffering or the job.  But my ex always said I was "detached" from the rest of humanity.  
Who knows?  If the stuff you've seen bothers you, don't sweat it remember we're only human, go and talk to someone and shore up your soul.

stay safe

I can honestly say that my wife is a trooper.  We married young (19 and 20) and just after our first anniversary I was deployed to Shield and Storm.

She has stayed with me through it all.  Military, police and soon to be EMT -I.  She has allowed me find my place in this line of work, knowing what it could mean but never looking back.

What has been the key?  We talk, we laugh and we cry.  I try not to bring home my work only to take it out on her but we do talk about it all.
Ms. Pakrat is reading over my shoulder and wants to say this:
" The key to enduring what you are going through is you care about what I am going through.  You don't scoff at my struggles, just because there not as big as what you are going through.  We both listen to each other and lend support. Small acts of kindness go a long way.  You got to care as much about what I am going through as you want me to care about what you are going through.  It makes it all peacefull.  It isn't just a special kind of woman, it takes a special kind of man too.  We are a team, never the enemy."
Last year, I saw first hand what watching someone die was like.  It was so frustrating to have all this knowledge in my head but no way to help him.  It haunted me for several days and we talked about it on several occasions.  She is my best supporter and I know she has my back on all occasions.

The second half to this key...........
someone may scoff and sneer at this but this has seen us through and still does.  It is the real key to any relationship...........
Our relationship is firmly grounded in a strong working belief and faith in God.  She has stayed because she draws her energy and has built a strong foundation on something that only the Master can provide.

This was not meant to be a proselytizing post but what has been the key for us.  If anyone cares to know more, especially how I was able to shake the haunting dreams and depression over the boy dying, email me.


(edited because Ms. Pakrat wanted to say more - just like a woman! [:D])

Not to belabor the events of the recent past, but my wife, Mrs. Mac, puts up with more than the regular ammount of BS that an average spouse of ours would endure. Changes in my job, my ambition vs. 'promotability' (Captain is appointment not test), volunteer stuff...my wife is one strong chic!

And not to mention that she stayed strong during 9/11 while I was on duty...

She amazes me, and I am a very lucky man.

LMAO! I'm so glad no one was around the patrol room when I read this, they would have I was off my Thorazine again!
Even called Ms. Pakrat, late this evening to tell her, she laughed heartily!