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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/16/2005 5:40:55 PM EDT
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium.

Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.

These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

When catalyzed with moneyum, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:42:37 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:43:34 PM EDT
I would be laughing if there was a little less truth in all of that...
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:43:53 PM EDT
I heard they are disarming Pistol Pete.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:55:03 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:58:15 PM EDT
An Element that dense might IMPLODE!! Too much mass in one spot.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 5:59:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sysop:
I heard they are disarming Pistol Pete.



Link Posted: 8/16/2005 6:02:24 PM EDT
Make a bomb out of that stuff... it will be so inefficient it probably will get stuck in the bomb bay.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 6:04:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/16/2005 6:04:41 PM EDT by Torf]
I call ! An element must contain proton(s). Governmentium is actually a highly dense and complicated form of Neutronuim, commonly referred to as Opression, since it is so heavy.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 6:09:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/16/2005 6:09:53 PM EDT by raven]


Anyone run this by Snopes yet?
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 6:10:45 PM EDT
IS THE SKY FALLING!?

oh,

nevermind.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 6:42:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By raven:


Anyone run this by Snopes yet?



WTF??
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 6:56:51 PM EDT


Link Posted: 8/16/2005 7:04:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Inspector1:





+1 OMFG...the humor detectors are failing.
Link Posted: 8/16/2005 7:08:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By jbombelli:
I would be laughing if there was a little less truth in all of that...




Sad but true
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