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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/18/2005 9:17:44 PM EDT
Hollywood Power Outage Sends City Into Chaos -- No electricity for 26

'This is our Tsunami.'

By Joshua Gates: Actor, Photographer, Victim.

LOS ANGELES, CA, September 12, 2005 - Horror and disbelief swept through
the greater Hollywood area this afternoon as a power-outage turned the
city into a virtual war zone, and local residents
struggled to deal with the devastating aftermath.

The outage struck at 1:35 PM, during L.A.'s busy afternoon coffee and
Pilates rush hour. Traffic lights fell dark, local gyms and sushi
restaurants were without power for nearly 30 minutes and many
businesses were illuminated only by the light of the sun and its
blistering 78-degree heat.

"It was horrible," said out of work actor and voice-over artist Rick
Shea. "I was in a Jamba Juice on Melrose when it hit. The blenders simply
shut down. A woman lunged for my Berry Lime Sublime and after
that, well, it got pretty ugly."

In the ensuing panic, local radio stations broadcast conflicting reports
as to exactly which local businesses would be offering relief supplies.
Almost 100 people flocked to the Starbucks at Santa Monica
and La Brea only to find helpless baristas, no hot coffee and a totally
meager selection of baked goods.

"My mother is 83-years old and we heard on the radio that this Starbucks
was going to be up and running. If she doesn't get a venti Arabian Mocha
Sanani soon I don't know what's going to happen to her,
I really don't." said cologenist Lucinda Merino of Los Feliz.

To make matters worse, those few people who did manage to get coffee were
further thwarted by a total lack of artificial sweeteners on site. "Sugar
in the Raw? Are you friggin' kidding me?" sobbed local
homosexual and avid salsa dancer, Enrique Santoro. "I'm on the South
Beach Diet. My insulin levels are going to go crazy if I use this! Why
isn't the rest of the country doing something?"

Deteriorating conditions may force authorities to evacuate the thousands
of people at local Quiznos, movie theaters and upscale shopping centers,
including The Beverly Center, where a policeman
told CNN unrest was escalating. The officer expressed concern the
situation could worsen overnight after patrons defaced multiple "So You
Think you Can Dance" posters, looted a Baby Gap and demanded free
makeovers en masse at a MAC cosmetics store during the afternoon.

At least 2,000 refugees, the majority of them beautiful, will travel in a
bus convoy to Beverly Hills starting this evening and will be sheltered
at the 8-year-old Spago on North Canon where soft omelettes
with confit bacon and Hudson Valley foie gras was being airlifted in by
The National Guard. Thank heavens.

Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant, told a group of embedded
reporters at a Koo Koo Roo Chicken restaurant on Larchmont, "The scope
and scale of this disaster is almost too much to comprehend.
Local car washes are at a standstill, the tram tour at Universal Studios
has been on hold for almost an hour now and I've been waiting for a
rotisserie leg and thigh with a side of green beans for upwards of 15
minutes. This truly is our Tsunami."

"We want to accommodate those people suffering in The Beverly Center as
quickly as possible for the simple reason that they have been through a
horrible ordeal," Grant said.

"We need water. We need edamame. We need low-carb bread," said Martha
Owens, 49, who was one of the thousands trapped in The Beverly Center
when the escalators stopped moving. "They need to start sending somebody
through here."

Along miles of coastline, the power simply surged, causing writers to
lose upwards of a page of original screenplay material, causing DirecTV
service to work only intermittently and forcing local residents to walk
outside and look helplessly at the breathtaking Pacific from their ocean
view decks.

"I can hardly begin to put this experience into words," said seasoned Two
and a Half Men writer John Edlestein . "I was just getting into my rhythm
and making some real headway on a scene where Charlie Sheen parties with
a busload of female volleyball players when my Power Book crapped out. I
have nothing. Simply, nothing."

Delivering a belated radio address live from the White House, President
Bush announced he was deploying more than 7,000 additional active-duty
troops to the region. He comforted victims and praised relief workers.

"Despite their best efforts, the magnitude in responding to a crisis over
a disaster area this sunny and trendy has created tremendous problems,"
he said. "The result is that many of our citizens simply
are not getting the help they need, especially in the Hollywood Hills,
and that is unacceptable."

"Southern Californians are resilient. I have no doubt they will bounce
back like this never happened," professed Cellulite Reduction Specialist,
Kim Bellevue. "The therapy sessions could reach an all
time high, though."
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:26:17 PM EDT
Cute very cute! I like it....
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:53:27 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 9:55:20 PM EDT
What was FEMA's response? Where can we send donations?
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:28:07 PM EDT
No Star Bucks. Those poor people. Life is tough.
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:42:54 PM EDT
It would be funny, if it wasn't true......


Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:45:02 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/18/2005 10:46:41 PM EDT
DUPE!!! California hometown forum... posted by 4xys2xxs
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