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Posted: 10/9/2004 4:40:46 PM EST


Second Bruce: G'day, Bruce!

First Bruce: Oh, Hello Bruce!

Third Bruce: How are you Bruce?

First Bruce: A bit crook, Bruce.

Second Bruce: Where's Bruce?

First Bruce: He's not 'ere, Bruce.

Third Bruce: Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.

First Bruce: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!

Second Bruce: That's a strange expression, Bruce.

First Bruce: Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. 'It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty,' he said and she smiled quietly to herself.

Third Bruce: She's a good Sheila Bruce, and not at all stuck up.

Second Bruce: Here! Here's the boss-fellow now! - how are you Bruce?

(Enter fourth Bruce with English person, Michael)

Fourth Bruce: 'Ow are you, Bruce?

First Bruce: G'day Bruce!

Fourth Bruce: Bruce.

Second Bruce: Hello Bruce.

Fourth Bruce: Bruce.

Third Bruce: How are you, Bruce?

Fourth Bruce: G'day Bruce.

Fourth Bruce: Gentleman, I'd like to introduce man from Pommeyland who is joinin' us this year in the philosophy department at the University of Walamaloo.

Everybruce: G'day!

Michael: Hello.

Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce.

First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce?

Michael: No, it's Michael.

Second Bruce: That's going to cause a little confusion.

Third Bruce: Mind if we call you 'Bruce' to keep it clear?

Fourth Bruce: Gentlemen, I think we better start the faculty meeting. Before we start, though, I'd like to ask the padre for a prayer.

First Bruce: Oh Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!!

Everybruce: Amen!

Fourth Bruce: Crack tubes! (Sound of cans opening) Now I call upon Bruce to officially welcome Mr. Baldwin to the philosophy faculty.

Second Bruce: I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.

Everybruce: Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!

Fourth Bruce: Bruce here teaches classical philosophy, Bruce there teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheep dip.

Third Bruce: What's New-Bruce going to teach?

Fourth Bruce: New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benet.

Second Bruce: Those are all cricketers!

Fourth Bruce: Aww, spit!

Third Bruce: Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!

Everybruce: Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you amen!

Fourth Bruce: Another tube! (Sound of cans opening) Any questions?

Second Bruce: New-Bruce, are you a Poofta?

Fourth Bruce: Are you a Poofta?

Michael: No!

Fourth Bruce: No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One!

Everybruce: No Pooftas!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching...... Rule Three?

Everybruce: No Pooftas!!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking..... Rule Five,

Everybruce: No Pooftas!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six!... Rule Seven,

Everybruce: No Pooftas!!

Fourth Bruce: Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.

First Bruce: This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand.

Everybruce: Amen!

First Bruce: Right, let's get some Sheilas.

(An Aborigine bunts in with an enormous tray full of enormous steaks.)

Fourth Bruce: OK.

Second Bruce: Ah, elevenses.

Third Bruce: This should tide us over 'til lunchtime.

Second Bruce: Reckon so, Bruce.

First Bruce: Sydney Nolan! What's that! (points)

(Cut to dramatic close-up of Fourth Bruce's ear. Hold close-up. The superimposed arrow pointing to the ear.)


(And now all four Bruces launch into the Philosopher's song)

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: 'I drink, therefore I am.'
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

Link Posted: 10/9/2004 4:47:40 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 4:51:26 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/9/2004 4:52:10 PM EST by pale_pony]
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:11:16 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/9/2004 5:12:43 PM EST by SHIPSNIPE1]
Nudge, nudge...

Wink, wink

O.K. I just think we scared off anyone born after 1975.....
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:14:00 PM EST
Its only a flesh wound!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:14:22 PM EST
SAY NO MORE!!!!!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:15:17 PM EST
Amen Bruce!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:15:28 PM EST
Who wants to go marching up and down the square with the seargen major??
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:17:18 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:19:07 PM EST
This is a LATE parrot.
No one expects the SPANISH INQUISITION !!!
The Holy hand grenade, book of armaments, chapter four, verse two..........
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:19:50 PM EST

Originally Posted By RED_5:
Who wants to go marching up and down the square with the seargen major??



With a Banana !!!!!
RIGHT....Off you go
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:20:15 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:20:35 PM EST
I fart in your general direction!

Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberrys!

now go away or I shall taunt you a ssecond time!



oh, btw, I was born in 1985 and I was able to get the rest of the guys in my class, all 7 guys(13 people in class), to watch Monty python and the holy grail, and quote it constantly for our senior year.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:23:09 PM EST
would you like a mint? it's waffer' thin!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:24:17 PM EST
Don't forget The Ministry for Silly Walks.

That's the first thing I thought of when I saw the title of this thread.

Those Brits were great.



Scott
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:25:50 PM EST
Fetch e la vache
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:28:18 PM EST
Not funny. Sorry. It's like watching a bunch of 7th grade boys grabbassing around.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:30:43 PM EST
Strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government. ...
Help Help I'm being repressed !!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:31:53 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/9/2004 5:32:39 PM EST by Johnny_Reno]



Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!!!!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:32:04 PM EST
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:32:27 PM EST

Originally Posted By Pangea:
Not funny. Sorry. It's like watching a bunch of 7th grade boys grabbassing around.



Ummmm, ok, well thanks for sharing that.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:34:28 PM EST

Originally Posted By calafro:
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?




African or European?

<sproing> AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:34:34 PM EST

Originally Posted By Pangea:
Not funny. Sorry. It's like watching a bunch of 7th grade boys grabbassing around.



Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:36:12 PM EST
I just spent 4 hours burying the Cat.

4 hours to bury a cat?

Yes. It wouldn't keep still....

I am THE Monty Python master, owning all of the episodes AND the CD's AND most of the live performances AND the movies, AND the special edition glow in the dark boxer shorts, AND the limited edition renderings of Conrad Pooh's Dancing Teeth.

So bring it baby. I am THE man.

But I want you all to call me Loretta....
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:37:27 PM EST
You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets.

Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:43:53 PM EST
Rent "LIFE OF BRIAN" I fell asleep watching it the first time, but it's funny as hell the 2, 3, 5 time. An all time classic.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:45:30 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/9/2004 5:46:06 PM EST by IamtheNRA]

Originally Posted By Paul:
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam! oh wonderful spam!



NOBODY expects the spammish repetition!!!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:48:48 PM EST

Originally Posted By SHIPSNIPE1:
Nudge, nudge...

Wink, wink

O.K. I just think we scared off anyone born after 1975.....


Nope born in 1985 and i like Monty Python i want Monty Python and the holy grail for christmas
plus when i had regular tv i would watch them when i saw the m on
need to get my coconuts brb
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:53:21 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/9/2004 5:53:45 PM EST by KBaker]
ARTHUR: What, behind the rabbit?

TIM: It is the rabbit.

ARTHUR: You silly sod!

TIM: What?

ARTHUR: You got us all worked up!

TIM: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!

ARTHUR: Ohh.

TIM: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!

TIM: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!


Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Damn I love that movie!

Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:53:29 PM EST
RUN AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:54:19 PM EST

Originally Posted By Pangea:
Not funny. Sorry. It's like watching a bunch of 7th grade boys grabbassing around.



Shut up and.... "Bring me a shrubbery"
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:57:08 PM EST
She has huuuuge... tracts of land!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:57:26 PM EST
Welcomr to the Castle Anthrax!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 5:59:09 PM EST
Yes, well, that's the sort of Philistine pig-ignorance we've come to expect from you non-creative garbage.

You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring tinkers' cuss about the struggling artist.

You excrement!

You whining hypocritical toadies with your Tony Jacklin golf clubs, and your colour TV sets, and your bleeding secret Masonic handshakes, well, you wouldn't let me join, would you, you black-balling bastards!

I wouldn't join the Freemasons now if you got down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me!

Well, we're sorry about that, but we did want a block of flats and not an abbatoir, nice though the abbatoir is...
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:02:52 PM EST
Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! And after the spanking, the oral sex.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:04:30 PM EST

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:

Originally Posted By Pangea:
Not funny. Sorry. It's like watching a bunch of 7th grade boys grabbassing around.



Shut up and.... "Bring me a shrubbery"



"One that looks nice...and not too expensive!"
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:05:34 PM EST
Dinsdale Pirannah

The Walker Brigade
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:06:04 PM EST
you see i could go down and get one of them french ticklers.....put it on my john thomas.....
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:09:36 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/9/2004 6:10:05 PM EST by Stryfe]

Originally Posted By DocH:
Yes, well, that's the sort of Philistine pig-ignorance we've come to expect from you non-creative garbage.

You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring tinkers' cuss about the struggling artist.

You excrement!

You whining hypocritical toadies with your Tony Jacklin golf clubs, and your colour TV sets, and your bleeding secret Masonic handshakes, well, you wouldn't let me join, would you, you black-balling bastards!

I wouldn't join the Freemasons now if you got down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me!

Well, we're sorry about that, but we did want a block of flats and not an abbatoir, nice though the abbatoir is...


First thing that went through my mind when I saw ETHs thread about joining the masons.

Well, that and getting eatin' by a bloody great crocodile.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:10:24 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/9/2004 6:11:19 PM EST by 82ndAbn]
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:10:59 PM EST
Well if it didn't have bones in it, it wouldn"t be a crunchy frog now wouldn't it.

I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK, I work all night and I sleep all day................................

Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:13:14 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:14:57 PM EST
Please fondle my buttocks


My hovercraft is full of eels

Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:15:51 PM EST
How do you know he's a King?

Cause he not covered with shit.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 6:43:02 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 7:04:02 PM EST
DINSDALE!
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 7:06:53 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 7:07:59 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 7:14:20 PM EST
"Mother, why do the Catholics have so many children?"

and across the street

"Dear, could you get that?"

"Bring me one of everything upon the menu and a bucket in which to puke"


"but sir, it's wafer thin"

"fuck off I'm Full"
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 7:45:32 PM EST
"Okay...give her THE COMFY CHAIR!"

"Right! Here we go. Sergeant Major marching up and down the square!"

That's not an argument. It's a contradiction.

No it isn't.

Yes it is.

No it isn't.

I came in here for an argument.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 8:04:13 PM EST
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