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Posted: 11/19/2001 10:39:48 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:42:30 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/19/2001 10:35:45 AM EST by Gun-fan]
Time is all that will really work. You know that. But in the meantime, booze, recreational drugs & loose women will help considerably. Sorry for your loss. I have been there. I wish the best for you.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:42:47 AM EST
Just keep reminding yourself that its better you find this out now that with 2 kids, a monster mortgage, her having maxed out your credit cards, and you getting to pay alimony for the rest of your life. My experience is....that MOST things work out for the best. Tho I gotta say, when I read this, I felt for ya. that's a tough one.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:43:54 AM EST
Sorry to hear of your misfortune. There are two approaches that you can take: Go on with you life like business as usual or take some time off and find a place for some quiet reflection. Just bear in mind that the enormity of what happened will hit you and hit you hard. Best thing you can do is just let it run its course and start your life moving forward from there.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:45:53 AM EST
Go buy some new shit! That always helps me take my mind off important stuff, like how I will be able to afford all of the new stuff I just bought. Michael
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:51:06 AM EST
Fuck her Hiramranger, she talked to so dumb friends and came to to conclusion that your wallet was not big enough, or someting along those lines, you know woman. I would sleep with her hot best friend or little sister to get even, after all the mental dragging around she gave you. Go buy a new gun(that always makes me happier) and move on, that "the one" stuf is not ment for everyone.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:56:04 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/19/2001 10:49:11 AM EST by HiramRanger]
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:57:51 AM EST
If she really was "the one", only you know that for sure, then there is no getting over her, just learning to live without her. The bad thing about having someone that you can't live without is that you usually have to find a way to live without them. Better to find someone you can live with rather than someone you can't live without. In the short term call up all the stand bys that you put off for this girl before the stink of desperation covers you and scares them away. F*ck and drink her out of your head for now and the long term will take care of itself. It worked for me although it's been 10 years and I'm married with children and I still love the bitch as much as I did when I had to curb her.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 10:58:33 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:00:39 AM EST
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Travel can be a good way to get your mind off something. And now that you have some free time on your hands, you might as well use it to do something that you won't be able to once you eventually do find a new woman and settle down.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:03:27 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:05:40 AM EST
Hiram, my condolences on the breakup of your relationship. However, I believe everything happens for a reason, and as the song goes, sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. In the short term, it may be the most hurtful thing you've had to deal with. But I'm sure you will bounce back and get on with your life. Just do yourself a favor and if you feel like breaking down and crying or being angry and smashing stuff, then do it. Get those feelings out so they don't fester. When I lost my dad I bottled up my anger and let it get to the point to where it almost destroyed me. It's amazing what a baseball bat and some phone books can do for one's disposition. I still owe the therapist my mom made me go to for that one. [:D] Good luck, and God be with you. God Bless Texas
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:08:54 AM EST
This happened to me to, her mother convinced her I would work in an auto body shop for the rest of my life and have nothing. It paid for flight school and now I fly 737 200 series for Us Air. Her daughter married an alcoholic and works to support him. Kinda funny how life turns out.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:10:08 AM EST
While I may not have much money now, I will inherit more money from my father's and grandfather's estates than many here will ever see in a lifetime.
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Tough break, at least it ended without the screaming, IMO that's even worse. If you enjoy your work, you can throw yourself full-throttle at that and it'll certainly help you take your mind of things. But don't count on the above [:D] I once thought the same would happen to me, but a family member not to be named pissed away the family fortune. [V]
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:10:32 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:15:29 AM EST
Man, I have been there before. I was engaged to this gal that called everything off within months of the wedding. She never returned the ring. I still don't know what happened. I just remember constantly praying for it to work out. But, it never did. You know that Garth Brooks song "unaswered prayers"? Well, it applies to me because seven years later I am about to becom engaged a second time to a wonderful and beautiful blond 23 year old who likes to fish, hike, shoot, and hunt. I am SO glad that my first engagement fell through. I would have been miserable. It will work out (it did for me!) Karl
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:15:44 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/19/2001 11:09:04 AM EST by brouhaha]
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:18:06 AM EST
Originally Posted By N95343: This happened to me to, her mother convinced her I would work in an auto body shop for the rest of my life and have nothing. It paid for flight school and now I fly 737 200 series for Us Air. Her daughter married an alcoholic and works to support him. Kinda funny how life turns out.
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Is it bad that that just made me chuckle???? [}:D]
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:19:57 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:26:41 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/19/2001 11:20:15 AM EST by BMANSAR15]
Hey Hiram. I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I went through something similar last year after investing 3 (I thought good) years in a relationship. It really hurt. I guess the best advice I can give is don't beat yourself up over it and don't start into the "should've, could've, would'ves"... they'll kill ya. The only thing that will get you over it is time, plain and simple. Although it sounds silly, buying something you really wanted but didn't (maybe because of her) helps some. It helped me, heck, that's how I ended up with my beloved Glock 27! [:D] But seriously though, again, don't beat yourself up about it. Things happen. Bad things happen. I feel the measure of a man's character is not how few bad situations he experiences, but how he rises from those bad situations. You'll pull through, trust me. Also, I respect you for defending this woman's reputation at a time like this. That is not easy and I caught a lot of flak last year for doing the same for my ex. You're a better man for it though. In the meantime since you're in the area if you want to hit the range and/or grab a beer to share woes, let me know. Getting things "off your chest" so to speak works wonders. Hang in there Hiram.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:29:30 AM EST
This happened to my brother inlaw. Worked out for the best, she ended up having lot's of "issues". She eventually married someone else, and it lasted less than a year. As stated, better now than later.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:31:10 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:33:06 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/19/2001 11:27:16 AM EST by jhasz]
Originally Posted By garandman:
Originally Posted By N95343: This happened to me to, her mother convinced her I would work in an auto body shop for the rest of my life and have nothing. It paid for flight school and now I fly 737 200 series for Us Air. Her daughter married an alcoholic and works to support him. Kinda funny how life turns out.
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Is it bad that that just made me chuckle???? [}:D]
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Ain't no better revenge than success [:)] I, too, have been down this road - dumped while planning the wedding - it's a real heartbreaker, but in the long run, looking back on how things turned out, it all really did turn out for the best. The really bad part here, is it's just going into the holidays. That's got to be a rough time to go through this. If you need us, we'll be here... Give it time, you'll find yourself a new love that will surpass the last, and you'll wonder how it all turned out so well.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:38:03 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:44:50 AM EST
Originally Posted By HiramRanger: My family was expecting us on Wednesday. I had the pleasure of calling my parents yesterday and telling them. My mom really liked her, but said she wasn't surprised (and I believe her). How is it that mother's just seem to know these things? My father who is Mr. Cold Fish has called three times to make sure I'm alright and to see if there is anything I need. The real kicker was I just spent about a grand on Friday buying Christmas presents - many for her and her family. Much of it mail order so I'll have to eat the shipping on those. Anybody need a vintage women's 14k solid gold Movado mechanical watch? It was to be her wedding present.
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Hmmm, would it be class or spite to go ahead and give those gifts anyway? Decisions, decisions... You're probably right to send them back, but ...
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:48:11 AM EST
Sorry to hear of your loss! Broken hearts do heal with time, hard work and someone new. I've been married for five years and we have had such great times that I can hardly remember my past life. I'm really glade I was dumped. Sure it hurt like hell at the time but I wound up with someone better than I could have hoped for. Good luck and happy landing.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:50:18 AM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 11:56:21 AM EST
HR Visit the lodge. They might need your help there. Change of pace to get back on track.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 12:02:03 PM EST
I am very sorry to here if your situation. Like alot of the guys here the same thing has happened to me. Takes a long time to get over it. For me it has been about three years. By that I mean getting to the point of being interested in other women. My cure was partying for about a year then just time. I always said after this happened that I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on even my worst enemy, just to damn cruel. Now your problem will be that every woman you meet will be measured by "her". Hang in there it soes get better!
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 12:03:15 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 12:05:57 PM EST
I feel you pain Hiram. Don't start drinking any more than you normally do. Don't do the drugs. You know what your supposed to do. You know the words and logic your supposed to listen to. You know all about the healthy things: go out and meet new people, don't dwell on it, its for the better, you know all this shit already. But you know how you really still feel about her and only time will diminish that. It will never all go away. Its not pleasant to be rejected by a woman, especialy one you love and would die for. All you can do now is avoid her at all costs. Don't go to the places you know she goes to hoping to bump into her. The last thing you want to see is the woman you love hanging with some other guy. Don't call her and don't take any calls from her. You said so yourself, no chance for reconcilliation. When your mind is ready to let go of her, after the hurt, the pain, the rejection is gone or almost gone, only then can you get on with your life. The time it takes for this to happen is different for each of us. It always takes longer for the one being rejected. So, to repeat my first sentence, I feel your pain Hiram. Its all a matter of time now. For your sake, I hope it isn't too long.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 12:14:10 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 12:16:06 PM EST
1. Avoid alcohol. Taking a depressant drug on top of being depressed won't do any favors for you. 2. Keep your pride. Don't call her at 3AM blubbering about how you miss her and want her back someday. 3. Every time you get bummed out about the whole deal, pound the following into your skull: You WILL find somebody else. You WILL be happy. And, most important, you WILL forget why you ever wasted so much time being depressed in the first place. This is only a phase in your life, it will pass and you will survive.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 2:52:10 PM EST
One door closes and another one opens. It will be tough but just take it one day at a time. Soon it will be spring. The weather will change. You will feel alot better. Like someone earlier mentioned, it is better to find out now then to find out years down the road that you have missed your life trying to make it work with her. Life is too short.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 4:58:12 PM EST
HR, your story has brought tears to my eyes. i can't offer any profound words of advice or encouragement, as the others have already said what needs to be said. but know that my heart goes out to you. and you are in my thoughts.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 5:07:35 PM EST
HR, for you: time heals all wounds. As for her, and her family and friends: time wounds all heels. ................ "Hell is other people." - --JEAN-PAUL SARTRE
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 5:32:08 PM EST
Originally Posted By HiramRanger: I'm 99.9% sure there will not be a reconcilliation.
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There shouldnt be. Even if you could forgive her, you would never forget. To go back to her after that is moral treason.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 5:35:28 PM EST
[Last Edit: 11/19/2001 5:35:09 PM EST by mojo]
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 5:39:16 PM EST
Originally Posted By zombee: 2. Keep your pride. Don't call her at 3AM blubbering about how you miss her and want her back someday.
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I strongly agree with this advice.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 5:51:07 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:00:14 PM EST
Women are like busses, another one comes by every few minutes. Enjoy the ride. Good Luck, Rabon...
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:03:24 PM EST
HiramRanger, The same thing happened to me about four years ago. I had been with the same woman for over 7 years(engaged for one year). Long story short, it ended badly. My suggestion is to get through it any way you can. I choose heavy drinking and several "replacement" women, not a wise decision. It has taken over three years for me to get over her. Put an add in the paper and try to sell the ring for 1/2 of what you paid. I know how it feels to lose, and it sucks. Live Free
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:07:27 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:15:24 PM EST
my suggestion would be to seek counseling as well as if you are so inclined, to pray that your pain may be eased and that his plan for you may be revealed. even if you dont feel you need either its better to be procative then to realize in five years that it's what you should have done. i wish you well however you choose to heal and it seems that all of our "pals" here on this board do too.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:16:03 PM EST
[b]HiramRanger[/b], these things are harder on ya then any physical pain. I know. The only thing that has ever worked for me is to keep busy, visit friends & family and believe it or not but stay clear of dating for awhile. Good luck, but I know you'll do fine.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:16:28 PM EST
Sorry to hear about your turn of events. Perhaps you will find that she was not "the one" after all.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:18:37 PM EST
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:44:52 PM EST
Don't mean to sound callous and don't take it that way. Just drive on troop. My wife died very unexpectedly 2 months ago. She was 38. It tore me to shreds. We were high school sweethearts and were married a few years out of school. I honestly don't think I could even start to try to look again. That may change, I don't know. At least your seperation was somewhat amicable. I had no choice in the matter. Ginger is just gone. I can never plead my case, you may be able to at a later date. Take care.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:53:27 PM EST
[Last Edit: 11/19/2001 6:50:24 PM EST by Sukebe]
God damn! men really are becoming women. I feel for you HiramRanger but I gotta say the group hug stuff that I'm seeing here is weak. Men don't talk about their feelings when they get angry they vent, usually by breaking things and hurting people. Men with power start wars and millions die when a chick f*cks them over. Get drunk and screw, break someone elses heart, get down in the gutter a little and really feel like shit about it. Your going to feel worse before you feel better so you may as well have a little fun dragging your d*ck through the street and barking at the moon in a drunken stupor. I'm not saying wreck your life but just get back to the knuckle dragging Neanderthal roots that all men have inside of them. Counseling!?!. Counseling is for crazy people, your not crazy you just have a broken heart. Now walk it off and get back in the game. Edited to say, start a war if you can. Having that kind of power would make anyone feel good.
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 6:56:29 PM EST
HR, I know nothing that is said in this forum will "help" matters immediately, but time is the cure all. I have to admit, when my life has taken a turn for the worse and I thought I had hit rock bottom, that's when I've acquired the greatest assets in my life. It will take time, but keep your chin up. This isn't the end of the world. Going through something like this defenitely builds character. The best thing I can tell you is focus on the things you KNOW are real (work, education, family, ect...) and before you know it, after some time has passed, you will feel better about your situation. Time is for sure the greatest cure all, but you have to let it go in order for time to work. And last but not least, learn from this to make the next relationship the best yet. just my $.02
Link Posted: 11/19/2001 7:03:22 PM EST
Here's my advice: Move the hell out of NY State, the sooner the better. Get an 800 mile buffer zone between you and her and the rest of your family. It did wonders for me. If you can handle the heat and the losershit rednecks (my apologies to any losershit rednecks who frequent ar15.com--hey you're here, how much of a loser can you really be?) move south out of the communist north.
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