How To Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?)
16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on.
19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
20. Throw wet towel on bed.
I really don't know what relevance this has to ANYTHING... but it's pretty darn funny!!
there's no animation for peed myself...closest I could find..I just emailed that to all of my buddies (ok, so that's 4 people) but you made my bosses night....thank you for that post.
This was clearly authored by someone who knows MY husband.
Got that same email about 3 years ago.
Yours too! It must be that secret club or something!
This shower behavior depiction is technically inaccurate. That's not how it sounds.
It's actually more of a "WhOOT WhOOT!!!"
How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
* Rinse conditioner off of hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
* Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
* Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces inn the shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
* Get out of the shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.
* Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.
* Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
* Return to bedroom wearing bathrobe and towel on head.
* If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to spend an hour-and-a-half getting dressed.
How To Shower Like A Man...
* Take off clothes while sitting in the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.
* Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut. Check to see if you have pecs. Find out you don't have pecs. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your balls.
* Get in shower. Don't bother looking for a washcloth. You don't use one.
* Wash your face.
* Wash your armpits.
* Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
* Wash your privates and surrounding area.
* Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
* Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner.
* Make a hilarious shampoo Mohawk.
* Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
* Pee (in the shower).
* Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you checked your Mohawk.
* Partially dry off.
* Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size. Leave shower curtain open and wet mat on the floor.
* Leave on the bathroom light, fan and as many taps as deemed appropriate.
* Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your balls, shout "Oh yeah, baby!" and thrust your pelvis at her.
* Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.
lol oh boyssss
In the spirit of laughing at ourselves here is another women vs men comparison.
> > Oil Change instructions for Women:
> > 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
> > 3000 miles since the last oil change.
> > 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> > 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with
> > a properly maintained vehicle.
> > Money spent:
> > Oil Change $20.00
> > Coffee $1.00
> > Total $21.00
> > Oil Change instructions for Men:
> > 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts
> > store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter,
> > hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
> > check for $50.00.
> > 2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer,
> > write a check for $20, drive home.
> > 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for
> > jack stands.
> > 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> > 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink
> > it.
> > 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> > 8) Look for 9/16-box end wrench.
> > 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> > 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> > 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash
> > hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
> > 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil
> > off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled
> > oil.
> > 13) Have another beer while watching oil
> > drain.
> > 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter
> > wrench.
> > 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a
> > screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
> > 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil
> > filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly
> > hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid
> > environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> > 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with
> > him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can
> > go see his new garage door opener.
> > 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta
> > finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil
> > out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole
> > in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to
> > recycle.
> > 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during
> > step 18.
> > 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
> > 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> > 22) Install new oil filter making sure to
> > apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
> > 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> > 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> > 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> > 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a
> > hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
> > 27) Drink beer.
> > 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for
> > drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal
> > sand from kid's sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch
> > of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash
> > drain plug in lawnmower gas.
> > 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is
> > now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
> > 30) Drink beer.
> > 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into
> > eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain
> > plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
> > drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
> > 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to
> > step 31.
> > 33) Begin cussing fit.
> > 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> > 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because
> > wrench hit bowling trophy.
> > 36) Beer.
> > 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
> > required to stop blood flow.
> > 38) Beer.
> > 39) Beer.
> > 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> > 41) Beer.
> > 42) Lower car from jack stands.
> > 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new
> > motor oil.
> > 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter
> > to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
> > 45) Beer.
> > 46) Test drive car.
> > 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving
> > under the influence.
> > 48) Car gets impounded.
> > 49) Call loving wife, make bail.
> > 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> > Money spent:
> > Parts $50.00
> > DUI $2500.00
> > Impound fee $75.00
> > Bail $1500.00
> > Beer $40.00
> > Total - - $4,165.00
> > But you know the job was done right!
That reminds me I need to change my oil and buy some beer.
Alright now i fixed it!
I like to call this (shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound) the wiener dance.
. . . and I don't want to see their secret handshake.
Actually its not really a sound, its more like a " "
Better that than losing socks all the time.
It's not Woo woo, it's Woo whooo!! While shaking wiener at wife...
Can ANYBODY tell me WTF Jaffa Cake is and why I wanna wash with it????
I'm just SAYING!!!!!!!!!!
FTR? I walk naked to the shower from my bedroom (I have a master suite of rooms, I can do that) I own nothing with jaffa cake in it, I HATE huge towels and hot wax is NEVER gonna meet my nether regions.
As far as I know a Jaffa Cake is a British cookie. Sort of a sponge/cookie base with orange jelly and chocolate. They're really good. I doubt you'd want to shower in them though ...
Heh ... I'm showered, dressed and out the door in fifteen minutes in the morning and wax hurts.
Although I AM considering doing my legs this spring because shaving every other day is a PITA.
(I won't mention how many of those apply to my wife as well - but other than the shaking the wiener part, a lot of them are spot on)
There are some weird bathers out there.
Get out of bed and walk to bathroom.
Take off pajamas and undergarments in bathroom.
Take care of peeing before I get into the shower (in the toilet, of course).
Get in shower and lather up, use extra soap in appropriate areas.
If I get the inclination, use the backscrubber, handtowel, or that "loofah" scrubber thing.
Turn off shower and dry off before exiting shower (I'm better at this than my wife).
Shave and brush hair
Check to make sure kids aren't in the bedroom before I come out to get dressed.
I showed this post to my fiance. Big mistake. After she picked herself up off the floor from laughing, she walked around, flipping her night gown up about every 5 minutes going "woo,woo"
You say that like its a bad thing.
Hmmm, (looks around bathroom); where the heck did you hid the camera in my bathroom; cause seriously, you got my entire routine, front and back (except for the wife part).
Nah. I just couldn't find a "woo, woo" smiley
there's how I do it...