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Posted: 3/29/2009 7:52:03 AM EDT
So a baby seal walks into a club.......












Link Posted: 3/29/2009 7:52:46 AM EDT
I laughed.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 7:53:43 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Elvis-Ar15:
I laughed.


So did I
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 7:56:05 AM EDT
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Shaman walk into a bar. The bartender says, "is this a joke"?

Lame huh?
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 7:56:12 AM EDT
What does one snowman say to the other?...



I'm fuckin' freezing!




So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 7:58:26 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/29/2009 7:58:50 AM EDT by SGocka]
Originally Posted By andrasik:
What does one snowman say to the other?...



I'm fuckin' freezing!




So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"


Stop reading your kids popsicle sticks
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:00:12 AM EDT
A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:01:12 AM EDT
Wait I've got the worst!

Ghandi lived a very hard life, the hunger strikes left his body weak and his bones brittle, his feet were terribly callused from walking barefoot all the time, and his breath was really bad from a lack of hygene.

So Ghandi was a super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:01:52 AM EDT
gotta admit I read the first line the was looking for the rest of the Joke, a little slow on my end, but still funny
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:02:21 AM EDT
Originally Posted By SGocka:
Originally Posted By andrasik:
What does one snowman say to the other?...



I'm fuckin' freezing!




So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"


Stop reading your kids popsicle sticks


Shit, those are my popsicle sticks
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:05:50 AM EDT
Why did the chicken cross the road?

It was the road to socialism.


Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:06:44 AM EDT
So a guy was walking on the beach when he sees a girl with no arms or legs laying near the water.

She says "Excuse me sir I have never had a hug from such a handsome man, will you give me one?"
So he leans down and hugs her
Then she says "I've never been kissed by such a handsome man, will you kiss me?"
So he leans down and kisses her.
Next she says "What I would really like is to be fucked by such a handsome man"
So he picks her up and throws her in the water and says "You're fucked now bitch."
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:08:15 AM EDT
What's white on the outside black on the inside and fucks everybody?



















The white house


Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:30:33 AM EDT
Originally Posted By sixnine:
Wait I've got the worst!

Ghandi lived a very hard life, the hunger strikes left his body weak and his bones brittle, his feet were terribly callused from walking barefoot all the time, and his breath was really bad from a lack of hygene.

So Ghandi was a super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.


heh.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:37:20 AM EDT
Originally Posted By GotSig556:
A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP


Don't forget... she works with the armless, legless host at IHOP: MATT

Matt has a twin brother on the swim team: Bob

Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:39:43 AM EDT
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A Roman Catholic.





Three guys walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:40:56 AM EDT
Originally Posted By andrasik:


So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"



i love that one! i havent heard that in a long time
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:47:50 AM EDT
What's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?






Putting their diaper back on.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:49:25 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Fuggit:
What's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?






Putting their diaper back on.


Totally uncalled for.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:50:02 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/29/2009 8:50:21 AM EDT by mmajunkie]
You know why sex is like a Savings Account?




Because you put it in you take it out, you put it in you take it out,, and finally you lose interest.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:52:08 AM EDT
I always hated eating vegetables....


















It was such a pain in the ass to get them back in the wheelchair
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 9:38:08 AM EDT
lots of lols here
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 9:41:20 AM EDT
You all hear about Rosie O'Donnell committing suicide?








They found her face down in Rikki Lake.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 9:55:54 AM EDT
What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 9:58:26 AM EDT
This thread is just wrong in so many ways but I'm still laughing.

Link Posted: 3/29/2009 12:25:29 PM EDT
What do you call a dog with steel balls and no hind legs?

Sparky.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 12:45:52 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/29/2009 12:47:22 PM EDT by Woodsrider]
Originally Posted By SGocka:
What's white on the outside black on the inside and fucks everybody?

The white house


LOL























Link Posted: 3/29/2009 12:49:47 PM EDT
A man and woman enter an elevator on the 80th floor.
Doors close, the cable snaps, the elevator plunges.
As her last act, woman rips off her clothes and pleads
"Please, make me feel like a woman"

Man rips his shirt off and says
"Hey, iron this shirt bitch"
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 7:35:34 PM EDT
Originally Posted By sixnine:
What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends


What's the worst part about having sex with an 80 year old?






Ever pulled apart a grilled cheese?


Link Posted: 3/29/2009 8:16:37 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/29/2009 8:17:03 PM EDT by RaynoEleven]
What do you call a dog with no legs?







It dosen't matter, he won't come anyway.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 9:54:56 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/29/2009 9:56:38 PM EDT by dercot03]
You know what the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year girl is?

Slicking her hair back and making her look like a 12 year old boy.



Link Posted: 3/29/2009 9:59:40 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Thepilot:
Originally Posted By sixnine:
What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends


What's the worst part about having sex with an 80 year old?






Ever pulled apart a grilled cheese?





Sexy
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 10:06:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By steenkybastage:
Originally Posted By GotSig556:
A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP


Don't forget... she works with the armless, legless host at IHOP: MATT

Matt has a twin brother on the swim team: Bob


And don't forget their brother that hangs on the wall: Art.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 10:10:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 11:06:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By dercot03:
You know what the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year girl is?

Slicking her hair back and making her look like a 12 year old boy.





Wait, what the fuck? That's just....
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 11:09:44 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Fuggit:
What's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?






Putting their diaper back on.


I was told that one before and when I relayed it to someone else, I was called a pedophile for like a month. Pissed me off.

Pretty wrong, but then again some types of jokes are only good for shock value.
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 11:10:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/29/2009 11:10:15 PM EDT by CanadianDave]
Originally Posted By sixnine:
What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends




Link Posted: 3/29/2009 11:14:33 PM EDT
Whats blonde, brown, blonde, brown,......fake blonde doing a cart wheel


What do fish smoke? Seaweed
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 11:23:45 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/29/2009 11:24:08 PM EDT by opticalc]
Originally Posted By kpel308:
Originally Posted By Scott_In_OKC:

Originally Posted By steenkybastage:
Originally Posted By GotSig556:
A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP


Don't forget... she works with the armless, legless host at IHOP: MATT

Matt has a twin brother on the swim team: Bob


And don't forget their brother that hangs on the wall: Art.


And their sister who is a lifeguard at the beach: Sandy.


and their 2 cousins that hang out in front of the window all day: Kurt and Rod
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 11:52:48 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/29/2009 11:56:16 PM EDT
What's brown and sticky?

A stick!


What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!
Link Posted: 3/30/2009 12:01:59 AM EDT
The entire house is awake now...

Ok you guys enough––the hubby is trying to watch TV––and he can't hear...*LOL*
Link Posted: 3/30/2009 12:49:22 AM EDT
What did the left butt cheek say to the right buttcheek?


....between you and me, something stinks....







My girlfriend said she thought I was a pediphile.......I said, thats a pretty big word coming from a six year old.
Link Posted: 3/30/2009 5:50:50 AM EDT
Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay-gulls. (sound it out)
Link Posted: 3/30/2009 5:55:57 AM EDT
What do you call an Ethiopian with a venereal disease?


Quarter pounder with cheese.
Link Posted: 3/30/2009 5:57:49 AM EDT
A skeleton walk into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
Link Posted: 3/30/2009 6:12:04 AM EDT
Originally Posted By IShootPics:
Originally Posted By andrasik:


So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"



i love that one! i havent heard that in a long time


This has been one of my favorites on here.
Link Posted: 3/30/2009 8:16:41 AM EDT
What is the difference between a Rooster and a Whore?

The Rooster says,"Cock a doodle do".

The whore says, " any cock will do".
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