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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 2/1/2006 7:16:31 AM EDT
an oldie updated...

A Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day he shocked the class when he came in, looked to the ceiling, and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and shrieked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today taking care of America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So He sent me."
Link Posted: 2/1/2006 7:22:02 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/1/2006 7:29:39 AM EDT
yes, that is a good one.


Here's another one:

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

Kiwi says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
Link Posted: 2/1/2006 7:37:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ShortMikeB:
yes, that is a good one.


Here's another one:

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

Kiwi says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."



Link Posted: 2/1/2006 7:37:54 AM EDT

Originally Posted By xinflt:

Originally Posted By ShortMikeB:
yes, that is a good one.


Here's another one:

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

Kiwi says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."






Hilarious!
Link Posted: 2/1/2006 7:41:00 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ShortMikeB:
yes, that is a good one.


Here's another one:

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

Kiwi says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."





Took me a minute. DUH!
Link Posted: 2/1/2006 7:50:30 AM EDT
A walks into the barracks at Ft. Benning and sees his buddy sitting on his cot, head in hands.

He asks his buddy what's wrong, to which his friend replies, "We had our first jump today, and when it was my turn, I froze. I couldn't do it. Then the Jumpmaster screamed at me to get off the fucking plane. He said 'Get the hell out of my plane now, or I'm gonna shove my fist up your ass!'"

"No Shit, did you Jump?"

"Well, a little....at first."


Link Posted: 2/1/2006 8:25:29 AM EDT
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