Posted: 5/25/2009 9:01:30 AM EDT
| Why does it always seem more important to women than men? |
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the honest truth? because most women get a lot more out of it culturally, financially, emotionally, etc.......... Women generally do not understand the HUGE risk a man takes when he marries them; when by comparison all most women have to give up is their last name, which can at worst be described as a minor inconvenience and purely symbolic. It is a quirk of our culture presumably to protect children, but the side effect is a fairly lopsided legal partnership.
/flame suit ON *slowly backs out of thread |
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the honest truth? because most women get a lot more out of it culturally, financially, emotionally, etc.......... Women generally do not understand the HUGE risk a man takes when he marries them; when by comparison all most women have to give up is their last name, which can at worst be described as a minor inconvenience and purely symbolic. It is a quirk of our culture presumably to protect children, but the side effect is a fairly lopsided legal partnership. /flame suit ON *slowly backs out of thread this and you know why divorces cost so much ???? cause they are worth it 
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I like the idea of marriage because it's a commitment. It's not just between the two of you - it's telling the world you're meant for each other and intend to stay that way. I'm a gooshy, traditional romantic I guess... but I like to think of marriage as a commitment based on love. 
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but how does a piece of paper make that so? Why not just wear rings and say yall are married? Y the overprice ceremony and all the other tidbits??? I agree. I don't need the big ceremony and other stuff. Although it would be nice to have a honeymoon ;) It's just amazing. Ive been married before and went though a horrible divorce. Swore on my life I never was gonna go through that again. Met my cutie and well ... all those thoughts went away pretty quickly. |
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Have birth control pills and dead-beat dad laws replaced marriage? As for me, I was less afraid of marriage at the outset than my husband was, partly because my heart overrode my mind, sheer stupidity and blind 'luck' or divine protection. Women have as much to lose as men do, depending on the person... even more.
What is this with her seeking his resources? It's a two way street, a partnership. If my husband couldn't work, I would work out of the home. Instead, my resume is taking a major hit, I've followed him from job to job while he builds up pertinent experience and my degree gets dusty. Does he have more to lose than I do? Have I gained more than he has by being married? I don't see that. This is not a brain activity; it's becoming a mature person. |
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If a person doesn't believe in marriage, then I don't think they should get married.
Marriage for me was based more on my belief system then a piece of paper or love. Love ebbs and flows. Anyone in a long term relationship can confirm this. As seasons change you will grow together and separately and back again. There is a huge misconception in our society that being "in love" with someone dictates whether or not you should marry them or stay married to them. The truth is that a marriage based on love isn't enough. It takes compatibility and common interests and beliefs. A good foundation makes a good marriage if both parties are all in. I don't think women are generally more interested in marriage than men. Weddings? Sure. But I've met plenty of men who wanted a wedding when their SO's did not. If you just aren't there, either you're not meant to get married or you just haven't met someone who has challenged you in such a way you'd want to keep them around that long ;) |
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Quoted: but how does a piece of paper make that so? Why not just wear rings and say yall are married? Y the overprice ceremony and all the other tidbits??? Well, the ceremony is optional, obviously, but it is an outward sign of that commitment. As far as the piece of paper is concerned: It's more than that. It is a legally binding contract that requires some pain (monetary, legal, emotional) to undo. Without that accord, you have no vested interest and can walk out without much fanfare. Then there's the religious aspect, which is possibly more important than the paper the state issues you. |
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Quoted: Chicks that earn 6 figure incomes, own property, can take care of themselves yet still have traditional values don't dig insecure dudes with thick foreheads and scabby knuckles. http://redwoodr.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/caveman.jpg Where'd you get that pic of me?   |
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Chicks that earn 6 figure incomes, own property, can take care of themselves yet still have traditional values don't dig insecure dudes with thick foreheads and scabby knuckles.
http://redwoodr.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/caveman.jpg Where'd you get that pic of me?
I'm stalking you. 
Oh, and to answer the original question: sorry, I don't know why. But if it's less important to men than women, why do men do all the asking? It is generally the man that asks the woman to marry him, isn't it? If you don't want to do it, don't. I mean the tax write off is nice and all, but if that's all you're looking at you'll need to do some serious calculations to see if it's worth it to you. If you take the cost of divorce plus the cost of the wedding and divide it by the tax savings of one year then you can see how many years you'll need to be married to recoup the cost of the marriage/divorce. You'll also see the risks related to this business decision and how much you stand to profit (in tax savings - can we really call that a "profit"?) should the contract stand. Remember that number, because when you're sitting across the table from that slob years from now thinking "I'd really like to stab him/her in the eye just to watch him/her bleed maybe I should get a divorce rather than a jail sentence" you can think of how much $ you're saving by staying married (assuming you've been together long enough to recoup the cost of the initial investment and the costs to break the contract). 
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Why does it always seem more important to women than men? IF the man is religious, then generally the prospect of marriage is equally important. No pie without the union.  (obviously that is not the only reason...in my case felt the need for companionship and I am a family oriented man so I was excited to have my wonderful children)
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First you have to define marriage. There's different components with different implications. a). a personal commitment between two people who intend to stay together. b). an agreement between two people and their god, often brokered by an officiant in a ceremony. c). a get together where family and friends celebrate the marriage. d). paperwork between a couple and the state with legal implications for divorce. You can pick more than one and add any other components you want. AFAIK, most guys have no problem with marriage a. Personally, I have a problem with d, but I see how official recognition of a marriage could help in medical situations or when splits get ugly and money/kids are concerned. |
I have no problem with marriage and have been happily married to my high school sweetheart for 16 yrs. I just have a problem with a woman who feels it's just not official unless you spend 30k+ on a wedding reception. I mean if your loaded and money doesn't mean anything to you sure go for it I guess but if you really have to sit down and break the bank take that money and put it on a house or something. I just can't think of anything that is worth 30k for six hours can you? 
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Why does it always seem more important to women than men? IF the man is religious, then generally the prospect of marriage is equally important. No pie without the union. (obviously that is not the only reason...in my case felt the need for companionship and I am a family oriented man so I was excited to have my wonderful children)This is my position. No union = no pie for me. And on balance, I've learned that pie is not required to lead a happy life. That combined with other of my own personal issues leaves me thinking that celibacy is probably a good way for me to live. |
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Oh, and to answer the original question: sorry, I don't know why. But if it's less important to men than women, why do men do all the asking? It is generally the man that asks the woman to marry him, isn't it? If you don't want to do it, don't. I mean the tax write off is nice and all, but if that's all you're looking at you'll need to do some serious calculations to see if it's worth it to you. If you take the cost of divorce plus the cost of the wedding and divide it by the tax savings of one year then you can see how many years you'll need to be married to recoup the cost of the marriage/divorce. You'll also see the risks related to this business decision and how much you stand to profit (in tax savings - can we really call that a "profit"?) should the contract stand. Remember that number, because when you're sitting across the table from that slob years from now thinking "I'd really like to stab him/her in the eye just to watch him/her bleed maybe I should get a divorce rather than a jail sentence" you can think of how much $ you're saving by staying married (assuming you've been together long enough to recoup the cost of the initial investment and the costs to break the contract).
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