Posted: 4/22/2007 2:36:57 AM EDT
Alright ladies, he finally popped the question... On Patriots' Day, April 19th. :) We followed up the proposal the only way that made any sense: And for a better look at my (big friggin' gorgeous) ring:  Aaaanyway, we've been dating three years on May 6th, so we aren't really worried about a long engagement - and since we'll both be college seniors next year, it kind of restricts wedding activities to the summer. That meant it was either get it together for this summer, or wait over a year for 2008... And we wanna get married, dammit, so this summer it is! The tentative date is August 4th, and I have exactly NOTHING formally organized. Anybody have any advice? I am confident I can put together a kickass wedding in just over three months, but I'd love to hear any tips or tricks or anything like that... For the record, and this may apply more to the jaded guys I find over in GD all the time :) - 1. "DON'T GET MARRIED" is not the advice I'm looking for right now. We ARE getting married. Period. 2. "Don't spend a bunch of money on a wedding - elope and spend the money on a house/guns/midgets/pie instead!" isn't really what I'm going for either. We're not spending an ungodly amount, my parents are assuming the traditional "bride's family" role and paying for the majority of it, and it is important to us both to have a ceremony in front of our family, friends, and God. We won't be getting legally married at this time (we're opposed to the idea of obtaining a "license" for marriage, of all things) and intend to move to Montana after college and establish a common law marriage during our time there. Since the legality is not the issue, the ceremony is our symbol of commitment and it's definitely happening. Anyway - I'll stop rambling, advice if you have any please!! :) -- Laurel |
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We talked about doing a week at Front Sight or something along those lines, and it's certainly not off the table, but after we both take summer classes and slam this wedding together and then actually HAVE the wedding... I think we might be more in the mood to go lay on a beach somewhere than move, shoot, or... think. :) Again, it's certainly not off the table. I'm going to shop around a little bit for various courses and see what is available - then again, at the rate with which uppers are shipping nowadays, I might not even have a complete rifle to take by then! :( |
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To us, "permission" for marriage comes in the form of a blessing by God (whatever God(s) it may be that you believe in, for us the - roughly - Christian God). We don't agree with obtaining a marriage license from the government, and think that the fact that so many people consider the license to be what makes it "official" is what has contributed largely to the decline of marriage in this country. Marriage is something we want to view as a commitment to one another in the eyes of God, our family, and friends, hence the wedding ceremony. Now, we're not complete morons, and we realize that marriage does mean two people agree to engage in what amounts to a long-term resource sharing contract. We're fine with that - by virtue of the nature of shared property, it almost always has legal implications. There's also the health insurance aspects, etc. Many of the "rights" that go along with a marriage license can be obtained via power of attorney or personal contract, and we plan to explore both of those. Ultimately, however, we don't take issue with the idea of the government recognizing us as two formally long-term resource-sharing individuals (called "married"), it's the fact that they want us to get a license to do so. Maybe it's silly semantics, but I license everything else in my world - my cars, my driving, my dog (okay, they tell me to, but I don't), my fishing, and on and on... I simply can't agree with lumping my marriage, which should be the most sacred of all human bonds, into that same category. Fear not! We have a plan. We've been looking at places to move after college, and I recently learned that Montana (which was already high on the list) still has common-law marriage on the books. While we will consider ourselves to be married during the rest of our stay in Idaho, if we then move to Montana and a) agree to be married, b) cohabitate, and c) hold ourselves out as married to other people, file taxes jointly, etc., then it falls under common law and we get legal recognition of the marriage without a license. Apparently, all states still honor common law marriages from other states, even if they don't allow for establishment of them within their own state, so if we later moved out of Montana we would still be considered legally married everywhere else. I realize plenty of people don't have a problem with the marriage license deal, and many others think I'm flat-out stupid for doing so. Jumping through the various hoops we're jumping through isn't for everyone, but it is lining up perfectly for us and we're willing to do a little extra work to bypass the government on this one. Frankly, considering the fact the government screws up just about everything it touches, I want to keep it as far away from my marriage as possible. :) -- Laurel |
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Oooh yeah, I've got another question: where to register? Neither one of us give a rip about things like China patterns (and if I want a set of China, which I don't, I can call dibs on my grandma's... which I won't :p) We would, however, seriously consider registering for things like a gun safe, guns, ammo, camping/hunting/fishing gear, etc. Has anybody done this before, and can you give me some good ideas about where to look? |
2 words...gift cards. You can request your guests to purchase the cards from stores of your choice when you send out the announcements/invitations. Then you get to pick what you want to get, when you want it. Congrats and good luck!!! |
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+1 on gift cards Hey My Steps son is up in ID at Boise State. You gus are in some beautiful country to shoot and get married in. Congrats on the Ceremony  I don't no if there are any around there but Bass pro shops and Gander Mountain, Might be closer to your liking than bed bath and beyound 
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It should work as long as you don't have kids, buy a house, and then split up. If the "marriage" doesn't work, I forsee many lawyers and much legal heartache in your future. But good luck anyway. 
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Yep, you're right, we might as well not even try. I mean... what, 50% of marriage ends in divorce anyway, I might as well boycott the entire insitution! Sorry if I'm a bit testy about this, but I'm really sick of every relationship thread around here turning into some defeatist, marriage-bashing, you'll-break-up-anyway, s/he will fuck you over whinefest. Especially when it's my thread, in which I was asking for advice about wedding planning and such, not a commentary on how likely I am to fail and how screwed I will be when we do... AND when I made that fairly clear in my first post! Now, allow me to reiterate, quoting myself: Fear not! We have a plan. We've been looking at places to move after college, and I recently learned that Montana (which was already high on the list) still has common-law marriage on the books. While we will consider ourselves to be married during the rest of our stay in Idaho, if we then move to Montana and a) agree to be married, b) cohabitate, and c) hold ourselves out as married to other people, file taxes jointly, etc., then it falls under common law and we get legal recognition of the marriage without a license. Apparently, all states still honor common law marriages from other states, even if they don't allow for establishment of them within their own state, so if we later moved out of Montana we would still be considered legally married everywhere else. Aside from the fact that we're not complete idiots and will be establishing legal protections for ourselves and our joint property one way or another (via powers of attorney and personal contracts, etc.), I made it very clear that we do intend to establish legal marriage but NOT via a license. Common law marriage is treated exactly the same way as any other marriage when it comes to divorce. And hell, I should just hire that divorce lawyer now, since I clearly shouldn't be worried about my "marriage" (your quotes, not mine) right now, which I clearly haven't put any thought into. /rant -- Laurel |
Apologies for any offense. Didn't mean to upset you. But marriage licenses exist for a reason, and that reason was mostly to protect women and their children. If you were my daughter I'd try to talk you out of it. Makes me wonder whose idea this was in the first place, yours or his? For example, I have power-of-attorney for my uncle that was set up by a lawyer in Lewiston. It takes all of five minutes and a letter to the lawyer who wrote it, plus letters to any county recorder where it has been officially recorded, to revoke it. No lawyer needed, no legal fees paid, nothing. Furthermore, most assets held in common are treated differently outside of marriage than within marriage. Generally for common law marriages to be valid there must be a period of several years to establish legal basis for the relationship. So even though you may think you're married, you might not be. The whole point is that you think that what you're doing is going to be as good as marriage, when it's not. You're not going to be really married; the arrangements you're planning to use will probably not give you the same rights to his assets and resources that you think it will. And coincidentally, the arrangements you are contemplating make it much easier for him to cut the strings without any significant financial penalties. Look, it's your life, and you can tell me to get stuffed if you want; no skin off my nose. But you did ask for advice on how to spend money when planning your marriage ceremony, so here it is: Go (by yourself) to a very good practicing divorce attorney (not some law student in Moscow) and find out if your plan will protect you and your children as well as a legal marriage would in the unfortunate event that things go south. If the lawyer's cool with it, then no problem. Plus, you get the added pleasure of coming back here and telling me I'm full of sh*t on ARFcom.  But for some reason I have a sneaking suspicion the attorney will try to talk you out of it. |
1. Makes me wonder whose idea this was in the first place, yours or his? Mine. I presented my ideas, he concurred. 2. We've set up a power of attorney in the past. I managed his assets when he was deployed to Iraq. I'm aware of what it entails. 3. I have done extensive research into the Montana common law statues and applicable case law. This case even addresses our exact circumstances, whereby a ceremonial marriage in a state without common law marriage (Washington, in the case) "ripened" into a common law marriage upon the involved parties' establishment of residency in Montana and adherence to applicable Montana common law regulations. Those regulations are 1. cohabitation, 2. an ability to be married and an agreement to be married, and 3. holding yourselves out as married to the public. 4. The whole point is that you think that what you're doing is going to be as good as marriage, when it's not. No, I don't. I never said that, and I don't know where you got it from. In my first post, I acknowledged that our circumstances while we are in Idaho will NOT be "as good as" legal marriage, when it comes to issues like health insurance. You're not going to be really married; Thank you? I don't know why you're on a crusade to crucify our idea of marriage, but...? the arrangements you're planning to use will probably not give you the same rights to his assets and resources that you think it will. Incorrect, I know exactly what I think (you do not) and exactly what rights our arrangements will give each other with regard to our assets and resources. Again, we've been there, done that through a deployment. We are both young and in good health. Frankly, we don't have a lot of assets, nor do we have life insurance policies or anything of the like, and our families both recognize our impending marriage as just that. For the period in time during which we plan to use our "arrangements" in lieu of a legally binding marriage, they will serve us just fine. And coincidentally, the arrangements you are contemplating make it much easier for him to cut the strings without any significant financial penalties. If I was worried about him cutting and running - especially in the next three years or so, which is about the upper limit of the remainder of our Idaho residency, I'd be leaving him instead of planning a wedding. 5. And yet again, you've ignored my posts, where I have made it clear that I am asking for advice about a WEDDING CEREMONY and not for commentary on my marriage. Frankly, I couldn't care less that you think I need to pay somebody $250 an hour to read the same laws and court cases I've already been over. This is a fairly cut-and-dried issue, and I'd appreciate it if you would stop presuming to know a) what we expect and b) what we know. Oh, and c) how long our "marriage" has before I get screwed over. If I wanted this shit, I'd have posted in general discussion. I posted it in the women's forum in hopes of getting some decent advice about the logistics of planning a wedding and related activities. Now, I wish I hadn't posted it at all, because I've gotten a few good responses (and thank you to those who paid attention to what I was looking for) and a whole wheelbarrow full of what I was NOT looking for. Somebody can feel free to delete this, I'll go buy a fucking bridal magazine - at least it won't sit there and question the motives of my fiancé and the knowledge and understanding we have of our legal circumstances. -- L 
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Laurel, if you didn't want people to ask about or comment on it, then maybe you shouldn't have put it in your post. Garand was not slamming you or your decision in any way. He was simply stating the facts as he saw it, and you turned around and attacked him for it. Dang girl, take a breather. 
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A lot of people feel that they do not need a piece of paper to make them married. I feel and still do that people do not need a piece of paper to prove that they are married if they are married in front of God and family then that is good enough for them. I feel that you only need a paper for the hardening of the hearts in a divorce it even states this in the bible. |
WOW I thought that I was the only one that thought that way. Good luck on the upcoming ceremony and joining of your love for one another. My sister had a great ceremony were they did the lighting of the candles don't remember what is was supposed to symbolize and then after the ceremony they had a pot luck reception with both a bride and groom cake. My mom made the wedding cake the way my sister wanted it and his mom bought another cake. For the brides mades they made really interesting bouquets for them to use all were made with silk flowers and were arranged on a spade shaped wicker fan very cheep and can be done with a hot glue gun and then the bride has fresh flowers and the groom gets a boutonnière that is real were as the grooms men get a fake flower that matches with the grooms. This is great because you do not have to worry about the flowers wilting. Make sure that you have an identical bouquet made of silk flowers for the pictures, save the real for the ceremony. |
Wal-Mart???? Target????? Sports Authority?????? |
NO offense but I think you are wrong hear. My parents never got married with a stupid piece of paper but were common-law. They suffered the same as any other married couple that had a piece of paper, if they had to deal with anything including when my grandparents died she took care of it all as if she were "legally" married. The laws end-up being the same after a certain amount of time and if you have kids at any time it cements the marriage. My mom died on September 11, 2001 and my sister had to tell them to take our mom off of life support not because my dad did not have the power to do so but because my dad could not tell them to do it because it hurt him to much. Just because someone does not agree with the stupid laws and pay for a piece of paper to say that they are married does not mean that they do not have the same rights as a person that did get that piece of paper. |
Friends of ours have registered at REI. Might check into Cabelas or Pro Bass Shops for a registry service if you want somewhere that carries ammo and shooting gear. |
People are free to choose whatever avenue they feel is right for them. Nobody here is saying that this particular path is wrong in any way, rather pointing out possibilities that might not have been considered. They had been, so it's really a moot point. Carry on.
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That sounds like a great idea... I'm still young (I'm 16), but it's always good to know stuff like that! My parents were married by common law, but then unfortunetly decided to get married legally. Then, their marriage turned to the worst. I think it takes a stronger relationship to do that! However on planning your wedding, I'll give you this advice. I had my sweet 15 so I pretty much know the ropes on events like weddings and stuff. 1. SET YOUR BUDGET ACCORDINGLY- you may feel like there's enough for the pretier dress, but just remember, there is a ton of things you need to take into consideration!! 2. DON'T STRESS OUT- take a breather here and there :) just not all the time! Good luck!! : ) |
Common law creates certain legal/moral issues. Traditional marriage creates certain legal issues, certain moral issues of the marriage fails. DH and I married, but no church wedding (didn't know enough people who approved of what we were doing to fill a church pew, so why bother) and don't wear rings. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Congratulations and good luck to both of you. Regardless of how you go about it, the commitment you are making will bring you both the best and worst experiences of your young lives. |
I don't think you're stupid, I think you're fighting a moral battle for no reason. If you're going to be common-law anyway (legal under a state government), you're just as official as if you had a license from the state. Why waste the tax advantages and other benefits of marriage that being official provides if you're going to be that thing anyway just by your inaction? I'm not mocking you, I'm just genuinely curious why you're taking such a stand on an issue, it seems like a weird thing to do given that you're going to be married either out of license or common law. I guess I don't see any advantage other than being different. BTW, congratulations! 
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I have to agree, and my understanding is it takes 7 years before it is recognized. 
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David's Bridal has the worst customer service I've experienced in years. I've seen more than one bride reduced to tears there. Buy the dress there, but don't even attempt to get it altered. I bought my turd of a bridesmaid's dress there a few months ago. I had an alteration scheduled for the 28th of April - like pulling teeth to even get that since the woman's English was so choppy. Something came up and I attempted to reschedule three times. Twice I was put on hold for 20 minutes only to be hung up on. The third time I called, I explained that I'd been ignored twice and that I really needed to reschedule. She took a message. I never got a call back. I didn't show up for my fitting on the 28th and I have absolutely no remorse about it. Luckily someone recommended me a woman in town to do my alterations. One phone call and she worked around my schedule for a fitting. I told her the David's Bridal story and she replied, "Yeah, I get a lot of people that they've blown off." |
There is no "seven year" requirement in Montana. As for why we feel it's an important distinction, there is a difference between a license and a contractual agreement. A government must give PERMISSION for a license. A contractual agreement is established between two people for the purpose of providing legal protection to one or both. When a government establishes a LICENSE for something, they're saying you do not have a RIGHT to engage in that behavior, only the opportunity to do it at their discretion. I believe human beings have an inherent RIGHT to share resources with whom they wish, especially in a marriage union sense, which stems from a potential religious/spiritual tradition, or a biological union sense, whereby two humans are creating more humans. If you don't agree with me, fine, but I've explained this like three times now and I'm not going to keep repeating myself. Furthermore, I appreciate the curiosity, but this was NOT the intention of my thread and I've asked multiple times that we stay on topic. If I wanted to start a debate, I would have posted this in GD. I posted it in the Women's forum for a reason, specifically looking for advice from other WOMEN (no offense to the guys, but hello!) a about the logistics of a wedding. I really appreciate the advice from those of you who are contributing insight and congratulations, and they are all being duly noted! |
There's not a super nice way of saying it, but when you post up your treatise on marriage and then ask for opinions, you can't expect in ANY forum, women's or not, for people not to actually give it. All you've seemed to display is a chip on your shoulder, which you proudly announced and then asked for comments on. If you're going to take this moral stand on the subject of a marriage license, then proclaim it to a public forum, expect and live with the fact that someone might question you on it, or god forbid disagree. Have a nice marriage. |
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*sigh* I give up. I DIDN'T start off with a treatise on marriage. I MENTIONED it because it pertains to the logistics - I MAY have a hard time finding an officiant in our case. I was asked, I made the mistake of responding. In a polite manner, I thought. I have no chip on my shoulder. GarandM1 then replied with a sarcastic jab and "But good luck anyway. " I'm just frustrated that I posted a thread asking for something really specific and because I was apparently dumb enough to respond to a friendly inquiry, I've now been baited into an entire discussion and defense of views. I'm getting married and I'm excited about it. We're happy about the way we're doing things. I wanted help and advice on the actual wedding and because of the nature of GD (meaning the jaded woman-bashing/divorce threads I see quite a bit) I thought I'd post it here so I might have a better shot of getting actual wedding advice instead of the "DON'T GET MARRIED!" or "HAVE FUN TURNING INTO A FAT BITCHY HOUSEWIFE!" I expected or the blowjob joke that made it's way here anyway. I'm sorry if I've come across as having a chip on my shoulder, but I kinda feel like those guys who get pissy when their "My AR did well at the range today" threads turn into "YEAH BUT MY AK WOULD BE BETTER!" "NO IT WOULDN'T! "YES IT WOULD!" "UR DUMB" pissing matches. :( ETA: I didn't post my treatise on marriage and ask for opinions. I answered a question and didn't frankly didn't want any opinions on that part, I want opinions on the actual wedding. In the future, if I'm asked a question that has the potential of derailing a thread, I guess I just won't answer it. |
Ahh, sweetie, that is because the guys come in to visit -- that's just life, and we love them in spite of their knuckle-dragging ways!! As several of us have stated before, Congrats and Good Luck. (BTW, the only wedding advice I have is run off to the JOP and save your money for guns and training!!  ) Have fun -- it is gonna be a roller coaster ride!! LOL
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