A month or 2 ago, I had been driving around with 3 of my friends in my F-150. We didn't have much to do, so my friend said, hey, why don't we drive by where I work (he's studying to be a chef and currently has a catering job) so you guys can see it. So it's about 2 AM and we drive out to Lake Elizabeth. We drive by his work, not that exciting. So we head back to my house. The road to get there is a very dark, windy road through the hills. We happened to have my Surefire C2 (with the 200 lumen bulb) and we saw a honda civic on the side of the road. My friend flashes the car and we see a naked white ass pounding away. You've gotta be an idiot to be screwing some chick at 2 AM in a pitch black area in the middle of nowhere. I mean, you're just asking to be abducted by aliens or kidnapped by some pervert and raped. In fact, a couple kids were doing that in my area a couple years ago and got abducted and it was a national news event.
Anyway, we drove off, ended up seeing headlights behind us and thought that guy wanted to follow us, so I hit the gas and almost drove us off a cliff before I regained control of myself, calmed down, and drove a little slower. Turned out it was someone else entirely that was behind us, but we hadn't seen anyone behind us earlier so we thought the guy was following us.
Second story is I was at my friend's party in my sophomore year of high school. I don't drink, so when about 300 kids showed up (his big sister invited everyone she knew also), I went upstairs to his room where we had a Madden tournament going on earlier. Little did I know, this tournament had ended and when I open the door, I see a guy named Lamar humping away. I didn't even look for a split second before I closed the door and left and thought, "Of all people to walk in on 2 people, why me?" After the fact, someone told me Lamar was just pissing in a beer bottle, but I've never heard of peeing involving a humping motion.