[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Divorce (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 4/22/2005 3:14:11 AM EDT
For all of you members out there that has been through a divorce. How long did it take you to recover from it financially. Old lady got all contents of the house and the new suv. 
|
|
My D was final in December. Financially I came out much better than most men. The only debt is about $7000 to my lawyer. My credit rating is great, but that is because I made it a point of managing our credit and money well for a long time. However, if our home hadn't sold quickly, if we weren't both employed, if I had a car payment or two, if we had had a kid in college at the time, if, if, if......then I might be in terrible financial straights. All our savings were wiped out in legal bills as my ex decided (and even publically stated) that she would spend thousands to destroy me. I have a net on my balance sheet, but it isn't what a man my age should have. For retirement's sake, you should have at least 3X your annual income in retirement accounts by the time you hit 45. I may never be able to catch up now. But life isn't easy. |
|
Sorry to hear all the bad news in here, but I do have to say thanks guys. Everytime I start thinking, "Hmm. Getting married might not be that bad," I see one of you guys being raped and I remember why I don't want it. It's taken me a long time and a lot of hard work to get where I am, and I've still got a long way to go to get where I want to be. Throw a monkey wrench like that at me, and I may never get there. Thanks guys! |
She left me Aug 14th last yr. I have replaced everything she took, but the vacume, & an area rug. I'm about 2/3 the way back into bacholer mode, & recently bought a new Kimber. I'm not really interested in spending money on rugs, & vacumes anymore for some reason. It took me about 7 months to get caught up on the back bills & other problems she stuck me with, but I'm smiling a lot of the time now. Somtimes I just catch myself grinning from ear to ear thinking about how good my life is now compared to when she 1st left me. I hope you get there soon too. Best wishes to you.  Oh yeah, my divorce was March 30th, less than a month ago. She'll be getting remarried any day now. 
|
|
Took me 3+ years to recover financially. Maybe never emotionally. Question: Why is divorce so expensive. Answer: Because it's worth it. (You didn't ask for any advice, but I'll give you some anyway. As a Christian, God used my divorce to teach me this: Stuff doesn't matter. By that I mean, material "stuff" isn't important in life. Your family, your day-to-day life, and your relationship with Jesus is all that really matters. And in the long run, only your relationship with Jesus will matter. Just forget about the "stuff" she stole. It will not matter some day. Start over. Have a good attitude. Go shooting. Enjoy life.) |
I know its gonna be rough for awhile,I just thank god to kids were involved. She tried real hard to get at the goods(Barret M82,AR's and AK) but that wasnt gonna fly! The only problem that I have is I dont think i would risk losing everything again for the sake of marriage. Now its gonna be you can stay but dont bring your toothbrush. At least I got to keep the house. But now drive a p.o.s truck. 
|
|
I've been divorced about 10 years, and I'd say to get back everything I lost financially will almost never happen. It took me about 3 years to pay off all of the debts, and during that time I did nothing for my retirement. I ate a lot of hot dogs, mac and cheese and ramon noodles. I'll end up paying about 15 yrs. of child support that I see is keeping her, not my kids, living well. The business I had started had to be closed down because I needed to make more money to than the fledgling business could do at that point. After about 5 years, I was able to buy another house and car, but still was not at the level I was before the divorce. After 7 years, I was back to what I considered, a decent lifestyle. I was pretty jaded, but somehow got past that, and got married again. Life is good now. Living well is the best revenge....
|
That's some pretty darn good advice! I let her have the house, it's contents, and all the material things that ultimately...don't really matter. I've simplified my life, and try or attempt to do ONE thing. MAKE MYSELF HAPPY! First year was pretty difficult for me financially, but I now have a plan. Sell my home, which I have about $90,000 in equity. Sell of everything that I haven't used, rode, or shot, in the past 3 years. Relocate to a state that's friendly towards gun owners, and homes that are relatively cheap. Acquire a job that doesn't necessarily pay well, but provides health benefits...and regardless of my annual income...I come home happy. Basically work to pay off my taxes and utilities. I'll no longer work on weekends or holidays. My free time will be allocated to me. If I'm not shooting in my own backyard...then I'm out bass fishing at a near by pond or lake. |
). |
I got divorced thirteen years ago. My ex is now in the process of taking me back to court for the 20th time (she doesn't want the child support to end as the kids turn 18, etc.). I've kept a running tally of my legal expenses, and so far I'm up to $635,000. That's not the settlement or child support or alimony, and it's doesn't include her legal bills - just mine for 19 trials so far. And I"ve won almost every contested issue over the years. If a burning bush had told be thirteen years ago what was coming, I wouldn't have believed it. She just kind of consumed herself with anger and has gone down this whirlpool of hate. Don't let that happen to you. The good news is that, like OP, you'll learn what's important and what's not. And if you're as lucky as I've been, you'll meet somebody far better for you eventually. Try to use this opportunity for serious introspection and self-improvement, so that you come through it with wisdom instead of bitterness. |
Gunga...gunga lagunga! Big hitter, the Lama. |
well said 357mag |
+1. It's been about three years and I've just about got my debt down to where it was before the break up. |
If you married your equal financially (equal pay--equal retirement, etc) then everything is split down the middle. The courts are not slanted in favor of women when it comes to money and property. Now...when you speak of custody of children...I think the kids normally get placed with the women. YMMV. In my divorce, everything was split equitably and neither of us is hurting too much financially. It's obvious from the above posts that most were married to women who made substantially less $$$ and had little or no retirement account. |
|
Well for me it started 1/04 when she emptied the bank accounts and left me with $120 bucks to my name the day I got paid. Then 2 days later the deputy shows up with the divorce papers. After 6 months and getting most of her stuff out of the house she figures out its not working out for her like the lawyer said it would and wanted to come back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah I get right on that. My lawyer looked at my situation and said the best thing for you is a locked in settlement with her and then bankruptcy. Well the bankruptcy is almost complete and I am paying her about 33% of my gross income, joy  . The settlement is only for 5 years so it will be over at least. I have my car, DVD's, Guns and computer. My contract job came to an end and had to take a 25% pay cut. If it wasn’t for moving in with a friend next month and leeching for a few months I would not be able to make it with the money I get to take home. A bit of advice: Hide money where she won't know about it (a trusted friends name, cash in a sock...) Don’t give her the combination to the safe (I didn’t and that saved my guns). If you make enough money that she doesn’t need to work, MAKE her work anyhow. ... |
*cough* BULLSHIT *cough*  I could have done better with the right lawyer in retrospect, but they are biased to the female. |
DIVORCE SUCKS! Especially when my EX drained me financially on his so called "business" plan! I was STUPID and thought I was in LOVE. It would have been a lot more fun if I burned the bills in my fireplace. 15 yrs later still paying for it. Well thankfully I am ALOT better off now on ALL counts. And HE well, What goes around comes around .
|
HE?  hmmm, that would make you a girl, right? I thought women were supposed to be the problem in divorces...  |
| I was divorced in 93. Took about 5 years to get everything pretty much back to normal. She has been remarried twice and is going thru her 2nd divorce. She hauled me into court numerous times for every damn thing she could think of. I found I could represent myself as well without a lawyer and finally took her to court for custody which I won. I have had my son for almost 3.5 years. She does pay support as I will take her in and she knows it. [All goes into a college fund for my son] Other then her paying support I have nothing to do with her. It is not worth my time to be pissed off or mad at her. Her life has been a series of wreck's since the divorce and nothing I could say or do will not equal what she has done to herself. The first year is the hardest, and you really need to be very careful about financial things and dating. I used that period to save every damn red cent I could, and bought a house, best thing I could have done, as when I went to court later, I could show stability and security. |
gottcha.
Yep, & even more imortant it coverd up the speaker wires for my surround sound system. They don't bother me anymore! |
|
Wow! after reading what some of ya'll went through I feel like God really took care of ,e even MORE than I realized! I have been divorced for les than a month & I got everything, including the 7 months it took me to pay off the back bills she left me with. I have never felt poor, but extreamly tight & uncomfortable. I did my best to not dwell on what if's like emergancies that could have happened. I guess I don't have a lot, so it was simpler for me. She didn't take any of my guns when she left, but lots of stuff, & as already stated,..stuff is nust stuff. They are always making more, & it's just getting better, for the most part.  |
|
Completely unrelated to divorce...... I was driving down the road yesterday having a massive temper tantrum about dinging my truck up pretty good, probably $1000 in damage. Finally when I calmed down enough to ask God what in the world I could possible be thankful for and praise Him about in this situation........ I stopped at a stop light to watch a man cross the street in an electric wheelchair. He was obviously SEVERLY handicapped both physically and mentally. Yeah, I started thanking God and apoligizing for my whining real fast. |
Yes I am truly a  j/k |
Sometimes the shoe's on the other foot. A week to the day after my first husband graduated from college with his PHD in Nuclear Engineering he packed up and left me for another woman. In Oregon there's a no fault divorce. I lost my house [it had to be sold to pay him his 1/2 of the equity] and I lost my home business [I ran an in home day care so I could stay home with my two young kids]. He filed for bankruptcy before our divorce was final and my credit was destroyed. I just found out this year that my credit is excellent [our divorce was in 92]. At the time I owned two cars. My new Pick up that I sold my horse to buy and a very old [over 150K miles on it at the time] I wanted the pickup [as it was worth more] but the judge gave it to my husband because 'a woman should drive a car and a man should drive a pickup']. I was awarded 1/2 his retirement and child support which he has failed to pay for the past 4 years. The best thing about my divorce is that I haven't seen him in 10 years. Patty |
A big AMEN from the amen pew. |