[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Cola Warrior: Cola Crockett 0 - East Tennessee 29 - 31 January, 2026 (Page 1 of 16)
Posted: 8/7/2025 9:54:00 PM EDT
|
The East Tennessee boys are offering you degenerates with some relief from your winter Cola Blue Balls. You will be provided with a "fun" obstacle course, the cheapest clearance-rack delicious peeps I can find, a lovely half mile jog with lots of hills, a range, and a place to call up some Appalachian holler ghosts using the native tongue of Mountain Dew spew. In celebration of the first Cola in Tennessee, I will even provide a place to poop. Y'all spoiled. This is a "bring your own everything" event. There will be Scoring: Your time will be recorded via Sharpie marker on a used pizza box. We play by Eminem rules meaning "You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow". Ie no re-runs for score. This is per class. You run day and night combat? Those are two different scores. Day and day? No, the first score is what counts. Come prepared, you have almost 6 months to get unfucked/unfatish. READ THIS PART TWICE: There's black bear in the very immediate area. Yes they'll still be around in winter If you get mauled by a bear - during your run; you will be penalized - after your run; maul penalty points carry over to the next year - prior to your run and are still capable of running; you will be penalized after your final time - and don't run; you are banned from this Cola event. - and die and have any progeny that run a Cola in the future; your children will have a permanent penalty attached to their run in memory of you not doing enough PT bkpkr will make the final call on the amount of penalty time based on the severity of the injury. Runner Capacity: Open to 40 runners + 10 local noobs and we'll open the standby list if necessary. 10 is a lot of noobs, but I'd like to have more Cola vets in the area so we can grow the community locally. That being said If this is your first Cola Warrior event you need to be sponsored/recommended by an existing Cola Vet attending the event. If a Cola Vet's +1 violates the rules and is asked to leave, they (the Cola Vet) may be asked to accompany their +1's departure. If you're new and without a Cola Vet sponsor contact me via PM. When: Jan 29 - 31 2026 Where: 1 Hour East of Knoxville, TN - Grid coords to be sent closer to event time Why: Because you aren't afraid of a challenge and want to know how you stack up against your peers. Accommodations: There will be primitive camping on site. No campers or trailers. No power and no water. I have a blackstone I'll haul to the campsite for use by participants. Don't be cooking fish on it. Dinner will be provided on Friday evening / night. Vehicles will only be allowed to park at a certain location (it will be marked). I'm saying this twice so no one is surprised. NO ATVs, UTVs, side by sides, motorcycles, etc, DO NOT BRING THEM. Event Swag: TLDR; no run, no swag. Shirts will be available for pickup at the event by the runner. I understand that things happen and VALID last minute cancellations occur, but you need to have run to pick up swag. If you run and have to leave early / forget to grab your shit, get a buddy to grab it. You pay for a t-shirt and don't run - it'll feed the fire. Accepting PayPal / Venmo in advance for orders. There will be a cut off date for orders determined closer to the event date. The rules: Follow all staff direction Follow all firearms safety rules Follow all range officer commands at all times No handling of firearms after drinking Must sign a waiver before running the course Don't fuck up the roads Park where we tell you to park Don't fall off the mountain or get eaten by a bear If you break any of these rules you will be banned from this Cola Warrior THE COURSE: OBSTACLES PEEPS AK RUN SHOOT CHUG GEAR LIST: Rifle w/mags/ammo (60 total rounds or max 2 mags) Pistol w/mags/ammo (42 total rounds or max 2 mags) Carbonated beverages totaling 72oz Motivation SODAS, EAR AND EYE PROTECTION, RIFLE, PISTOL, AND MAGAZINES WILL BE CARRIED BY THE RUNNER FROM OBSTACLES TO THE RANGE. RIFLE WILL BE SLUNG, UNLOADED, ON SAFE, AND PISTOL CAN EITHER BE IN A HOLSTER OR BACKPACK, UNLOADED, ON SAFE IF APPLICABLE. NO MAGAZINES ARE TO BE IN RIFLE OR PISTOL PRIOR TO ARRIVING AT THE FIRING LINE READY TO SHOOT. NV RUNNERS MAY CHOOSE TO DO OBSTACLES WITHOUT NV ON. COURSE RULES: 5 minute penalty for each failed obstacle Each obstacle must be seriously attempted for at least 10 seconds 10 minutes to complete the obstacles 5 minute penalty if rifle field strip isn't complete 5 minute penalty for each uneaten peep Last Peep must be in the mouth before the run 5 minute penalty for each target left without a hit 30 minute penalty for hitting pistol targets with rifle 10 minute total chug time allowed, everything left after will be penalized 6x 12oz cans, 3x 24oz cans, or 1x 2liter with a 5oz chaser are the only allowed sizes and any non-standard sizes will count as 2 liter If you vomit before finishing a 12oz can, no matter how much is left that can it is a 5 minute penalty If you vomit before finishing a 24oz can, no matter how much is left that can is a 10 minute penalty If you vomit before finishing 2 liters, it is a 30 minute penalty Combat class requirements: Level 3+ rifle rated plates, front and rear Rifle mags with ammo Pistol mags with ammo At least 1 quart of water Medkit that consists of at least a tourniquet and combat bandage Night run only: The sultan of night has been appointed: mustangduckk 5-minute penalty for visible light ND, 10-minute penalty for prolonged use. 5 minute penalty for prolonged use of IR Illum or laser when not actively engaging targets. Must be shot with suppressed pistol (with the exception of the first FRIDAY night shooter on pistol only - may run without a can) and rifle. You can borrow a can if someone is willing to lend you one since it can be challenging for some to travel with them, but the rifle and pistol must be yours. Clarification to the rules per the sultan of night for you speshul people: -No borrowing of any equipment other than suppressors. Bring your own stuff. -If you attempt to holster your pistol with the illuminator and/or laser still active, you will be assessed a penalty. -If you attempt to put your rifle down to go chug with your laser and/or illuminator still active, you will be assessed a penalty. -Night RO/spotter will give binary confirmation if asked if your laser is aiming in the vicinity of a target (on the correct berm). Night spotter and spectators will not steer your laser into a target. ID and shoot your targets by yourself. You may ask the RO if you are aiming near a target for safety. Sign up here, the old fashioned way, by posting 100% in with your status as a previous entrant or newbie and I will add you to the list in the order of posts. I will be preloading the roster with those that posted in the interest thread in the hometown Cola Warrior thread for E Tn. You must confirm your original intent to attend. If you find yourself on the list, IM me and I will send a form for your to fill out for event info. If you sign up and fail to attend without notifying me you will be banned for life. There will be a board on site for future Colas with your username on it. Staff: **FBATFE ** bkpkr **Dial-Tone, Combat **Sylvan **Atropian_Defector **mustangduckk, Night Combat **Eli888, Youth Noobs: **1. bansil (E Tn, vetted) ** 2. MHIDPA (E Tn, vetted) **3. wingnutx (E Tn, vetted) **4. ScoutE7 (E Tn, vetted - also AGR guard pending duty assignment) **5. CreativeBall (vetted nvgeologist) ---- Don't fuck up ** 7. chink_in_armor (vetted dklic6 - tx boys) **9. RedCannon (vetted DocJosh) **10. OnlyherefrTNcola (dklic6, vetted) Noob stand by: **EVOTZ Gaylord (vetted Redbirdxx) **Cuzzin Chaser (Demitasse25) Canoeguy (vetted atropian) -- probably not going to make it with injury pocketdog (E tn, vetted) Shipwrecked77 (E Tn, vetted) Deep Noob standy by: ------------------------------------ ETNSBK (needs sponsor or vet) ----------------------------------- Run List: **1. slip_space **3. southerncross **4. Redbirdxx ** 5. Morecoffeeplease1 ** 6. Morecoffeeplease1's daughter (vet from keystone and SE, no username) 8. YaBoyKGTho **9. blackeagle05, Combat **10. Slarti Combat ---- Trying to squeeze run in Friday, have comms going **11. Amos_Moses, Combat **12. HDLS, Combat Night **13. alphajaguars 17. **18. DocJosh, Night, maybe Night Combat, maybe also Combat day **19. Ic904,+1 noob brother **20. mothsquad **21. Demitasse25 **23. Hill_Monkey, Night **24. Rugby3 **26. Fostered13 **27. mohawk17 28. Scoobysmak, Night **32. Doughge1 **33. 7mm-08 35. Sasquatch_Airlift, Night *** cut off for night shooters > standby will be available *** **40. skidmarka-sore-ass, can't shoot ace vr class, also Night Stand By: Pending / Standy-by: ------ RAB actual -- pending night waiting on availability of dates ------   PP Donation Link for food and supplies: [email protected] *** swag orders close 9 Jan 2026 *** |
|
Quoted: The Keystone shotgun AK with its extra parts was fun for the night runners lol. That thing was already a broken piece of shit by the time I ran. Dangerously so lol. Attached File |
Theme song? The Osborne Brothers - Rocky Top (Live) |
. |
How is this even a question?  Mountain Dew |
