Posted: 1/27/2009 8:54:40 PM EDT
Tell a story (or a few) of a time you heard something that, the moment your brain processed it, you automatically thought 
I was in the bank one day during the summer, waiting for a teller to become available. As I waited, I heard an old man rambling about something over in the corner, where he was sitting in a chair. He looked like he was drenched in sweat. He said to the woman he was speaking to, another bank employee, "I have a problem where my body develops more energy than it can get rid of, and I sweat like this because I have so much energy." My reaction: "Yeah okay  "
< Please no cuss words in thread titles. - Defcon > |
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I walked in on my college roommate jacking off, and he said he ''had an itch on his dick or somethin'' and thats why he was ''scratching'' it so furiously
I noticed the bottle of lubriderm on the desk by the bed and said ''dude then you need calamine, not lubriderm''... that just pissed him off more.. |
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I worked with a guy that was a huge bullshitter.
- He blew up his 70 Chevelle after hitting the Nitrous at 200 mph. - We was kicked out of the Army because he liked killing too much. - The Army still pays him 40,000 dollars a month - He owns the biggest car dealership in a neighboring town because he sued them - He spent two months in a coal mine, and didnt see the light of day the whole time - He is working out a record deal with a major label. The list goes on and on and on...... No joke, this guy was something else. Probably a serious mental condition or something. My coworkers and I stopped calling him out after a while because his B.S. was so entertaining. |
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Knew a guy that was a really fucking good guitar player. Really honestly good... better than most people you come across.
When the metal band The Haunted lost their guitar player, he apparently flew to Sweden to meet them and try out. When he got there, he said everybody in Sweden wore spiked bracelets and had long dirty metal hair and all black clothes. He met The Haunted and they asked him to join and play for them. All this happened without him leaving the airport in Sweden. Needless to say, he was completely full of shit and never flew to Sweden, let alone got accepted to play guitar for The Haunted. Sad thing is, he was easily good enough. Lots of potential for greatness musically.. but he was a hardcore liar. He bullshitted about so much stupid shit. 
Truely a nice guy though! |
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I used to work at a hotel my uncle owns. We needed a new maintenance guy, so he put an ad in the paper. He ended up hiring a punk who was all decked out in the usual shit. Black cowboy boots, Levi's, HUGE USAF belt buckle, dark colored long sleeved shirts (adorned with numerous military pins), a black ball cap with USAF on it (also with numerous military pins).
I was making my rounds one afternoon checking his progress on replacing one of our washing machines, which took him three hours to do, when he struck up a conversation with me. This hero told me matter of factly that he served as a Thud pilot in 'Nam from '68 to '70. 
I gave him some rope and asked what he did over there. He went on and on that he had 14 "kills" but actually shot down 15 Migs, anything from Mig 15s to Mig 21s. He said his camera was fucked up and didn't get credit for number 15, but he was a triple ace. He said he saw the horror in the pilots eyes as they were being shot down. Most of his "kills" were Soviet, Chinese, and North Vietnamese pilots, with a few North Koreans thrown in for good measure. He has been awarded the Medal of Honor, Canadian Medal of Honor, British Medal of Honor, and Vietnamese Medal of Honor. I asked him if I could take a look at his DD-214. He said it was destroyed in a fire. I asked him if I could look at his medals. Nope, they are in his safety deposit box. I told him that he is a lying piece of shit and get off my property. And he did. |
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Was at a gun store last week and the topic turned to illegal immigrants in Texas. This old dude then started spouting off how his friend owned a ranch down by the border where the illegals were killing his cattle.
His "friend" was a member of "Shadow Company" during the Vietnam war. He contacted other "Shadow Company" members to come help with the problem. Supposedly after killing a few hundred and leaving others heads on a pike along the border his illegal immigration problem stopped. I asked if Mr Joshua was still around to help. |
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Quoted:
I worked with a guy that was a huge bullshitter. - He blew up his 70 Chevelle after hitting the Nitrous at 200 mph. - We was kicked out of the Army because he liked killing too much. - The Army still pays him 40,000 dollars a month - He owns the biggest car dealership in a neighboring town because he sued them - He spent two months in a coal mine, and didnt see the light of day the whole time - He is working out a record deal with a major label. The list goes on and on and on...... No joke, this guy was something else. Probably a serious mental condition or something. My coworkers and I stopped calling him out after a while because his B.S. was so entertaining. This is called a Pathological Liar |
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Quoted:
An old mechanic once told me that he showed up with beer on his breath because his doctor told him it was better treatment for his cancer pain than the prescription meds he had. I'm certain that his doctor didn't tell him to drink alcohol along with his pain meds, but alcohol would probably help increase the effects of the pain meds. |