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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/26/2005 10:31:46 AM EDT
I've got this strange little bump on my face. It's not there all the time. Actually, it only appears maybe once a month. Once it does appear, it goes away in about 15 minutes. It's just a red bump. Doesn't hurt. Doesn't itch. WTF?
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 10:32:50 AM EDT
Spider eggs.



- BG
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 10:33:51 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 10:34:33 AM EDT
Face Alien...
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 10:44:32 AM EDT
Hives maybe?
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 2:38:53 PM EDT
You have what is called face crabs (Facicus Crabicus). Stop sticking your face where it doesn't belong, and maybe, just maybe, it will go away.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 2:40:48 PM EDT
Tumor. Definatley a malignant tumor.

Nice knowin' ya.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 2:40:49 PM EDT
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 2:51:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Zippy_The_Wonderdog:
Tumor. Definatley a malignant tumor.

Nice knowin' ya.



It's not a tumah!
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 2:51:36 PM EDT
You are on the rag.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 2:54:03 PM EDT
probably harmless, but if it bothers you that much get an appointment with a dermatologist.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 2:58:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By GanXta:
You are on the rag.



Just kidding!!!

Could be a cyst???
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 4:10:39 PM EDT
Aneurysm

An aneurysm (AN'u-rizm) is a bulge in a blood vessel, much like a bulge on an
over-inflated inner tube. When an aneurysm ruptures, blood escapes, hemorrhage occurs and can lead to a hemorrhagic stroke, brain damage and death.

You're gonna die.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 4:12:09 PM EDT
Next time it pops up, hit it with a hammer.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 4:13:24 PM EDT
Ectopic endometrial tissue
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 4:15:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Xtremhigh:
I've got this strange little bump on my face.



Your nose?
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 4:15:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By C-4:
Ectopic endometrial tissue



Endometrial tissue? I can do a D and C for ya. I will give you a ARFCOM discount. I just now have to figure out where to insert the speculum.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 4:57:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDOC:

Originally Posted By C-4:
Ectopic endometrial tissue



Endometrial tissue? I can do a D and C for ya. I will give you a ARFCOM discount. I just now have to figure out where to insert the speculum.



Doc...YOU are one SICK bastard!!!



Link Posted: 8/26/2005 6:56:18 PM EDT
Bend over please, this wont hurt me a bit.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 7:44:53 PM EDT
Some parasites do that as they crawl around under one’s skin.
They are not much of a problem until they decide to burrow into your eyeball.
Have you ever been to north east Asia or ate raw or undercooked river fish?

It is probably nothing but I would go to a doctor just in case.
Link Posted: 8/26/2005 7:55:19 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/26/2005 7:56:07 PM EDT by -brass-]
Link Posted: 8/27/2005 1:50:49 PM EDT
I still say face crabs!
You need to put a plastic bag on your head, those little fuckers can jump!!
Link Posted: 8/27/2005 2:30:30 PM EDT
Nerves. Its amazing at what the body can do to you under stress. At least that is my guess.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 6:25:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDOC:

Endometrial tissue? I can do a D and C for ya. I will give you a ARFCOM discount. I just now have to figure out where to insert the speculum.



I've got a rusty ball-peen hammer lying around. Need an anesthesiologist? No overhead and I'll profit-share.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 7:37:36 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sleepdr:

Originally Posted By ARDOC:

Endometrial tissue? I can do a D and C for ya. I will give you a ARFCOM discount. I just now have to figure out where to insert the speculum.



I've got a rusty ball-peen hammer lying around. Need an anesthesiologist? No overhead and I'll profit-share.



Awesome, my hammer was getting worn. We can set up shop in the garage!
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 8:33:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDOC:

Awesome, my hammer was getting worn. We can set up shop in the garage!



Deal! I finish residency on Wednesday, then we'll get started on the inevitable rush of clients to...

ARFCOM Same-Day Walk-in Doc-in-the-Box and Pie Emporium! (Pie not available in restricted states)

Link Posted: 8/28/2005 8:37:24 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 9:09:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sleepdr:

Originally Posted By ARDOC:

Awesome, my hammer was getting worn. We can set up shop in the garage!



Deal! I finish residency on Wednesday, then we'll get started on the inevitable rush of clients to...

ARFCOM Same-Day Walk-in Doc-in-the-Box and Pie Emporium! (Pie not available in restricted states)




the bitching we will get.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 9:23:56 AM EDT

Originally Posted By LWilde:

Originally Posted By ARDOC:

Originally Posted By C-4:
Ectopic endometrial tissue



Endometrial tissue? I can do a D and C for ya. I will give you a ARFCOM discount. I just now have to figure out where to insert the speculum.



Doc...YOU are one SICK bastard!!!






Use caution. It's reported that the bastage uses an over-sized METAL speculum that he keeps icy cold in the frige. You can usually locate his office by listening for the blood curdling screams coming from it.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:20:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By rkbar15:

Originally Posted By LWilde:

Originally Posted By ARDOC:

Originally Posted By C-4:
Ectopic endometrial tissue



Endometrial tissue? I can do a D and C for ya. I will give you a ARFCOM discount. I just now have to figure out where to insert the speculum.



Doc...YOU are one SICK bastard!!!






Use caution. It's reported that the bastage uses an over-sized METAL speculum that he keeps icy cold in the frige. You can usually locate his office by listening for the blood curdling screams coming from it.



The funny part is that my ARFCOM fantasy football team name is the FROZEN SPECULUMS!
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:23:03 AM EDT
It ain't an Anal Fissure, its it?
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:26:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/28/2005 11:27:13 AM EDT by Tango7]
I used to frequent science fiction conventions. They usually have some form of costume contest.

My character was going to be "Doctor Will C. Yunowe, Gynecologist"

I was going to wear a white lab coat, with only heart-printed boxers on underneath; one of the old "Marcus Welby" type reflector headbands; big black (concrete / chemical worker's) gloves; and a bovine /equine speculum (18") in a 5 gallon bucket filled with dry ice with "Chilling Jar" emblazoned on it.

Half of the women I asked about this said they'd stand up, cheer, and shout "THAT'S MY DOC!"



The other half said I'd never make it off the stage alive.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:34:55 AM EDT
It's probably an undeveloped twin.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:47:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By KnobCreek:
It ain't an Anal Fissure, its it?



Well if you didn't have one before you will have one after Dr. Frozen "ARDOC" Speculum, MD, FACS, EIEIO, YOWSA, gets done "examining" you.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:53:58 AM EDT
nuke it from orbit--its the only way to be sure....


Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:57:00 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 11:58:41 AM EDT
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 12:08:20 PM EDT
I can't believe no one on this board recognizes the first signs of transformation into a Zombie.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 12:10:36 PM EDT
Lupus or a pecker bite. Could be lupus.
Link Posted: 8/28/2005 12:20:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/28/2005 12:21:49 PM EDT by rkbar15]
ARDOC's last walk-in patient. It's not clear whether this was prior to or after surgery. In case you're curious he dresses all his patients in nurses outfits.

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