Posted: 7/27/2009 8:31:32 PM EDT
| On how to not be a chicken shit when the hubby leaves for days on business trips? I have a 1911 and a P9 within 2 feet of me. I also have a shitzu and a chihuahua who don't offer much protection. The one rolls over on his back anytime anyone gets near him and the other just shakes. LOL. I don't get nervous until it gets dark and when I wake up in the morning I'm ok again. |
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The little yappers are good alarms. That's the purpose they serve. ...and believe it or not, they'll dissuade someone from coming around if they hear them yipping. It's easier to move on to a much quieter house. But, if the unlikely event that the bad guy still insists on your house, the dogs will alert you and you can take your pistols and take care of business. |
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I used to go to sea for weeks/months at a time. The wife unit was left with a pistol and a cocker spaniel. While walking the dog one day, a couple of unknown guys told her that she needed to be careful. She told them that "anyone who broke into her place was going to need to be carried out." They said "whoa" and she didn't see them anymore after that. You'll be just fine. |
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I have dealt with this and though I still get a little nervous sometimes, I am no longer afraid. I'll share my experiences, and they may or may not be relevant for you, but I will share them in case they might be of help. I did it the way I've dealt with each of my serious fears––by walking straight into the middle of it. As an example, I was terrified of tornadoes and severe thunderstorms (a fear taught to me by my grandmother), so I became a weather spotter and ended up on top of parking garages, in the worst possible weather, observing clouds to watch for rotation. Understanding and putting myself in the middle of it brought the end of fear for me. For the darkness, for me, it was a matter of identifying WHAT, PRECISELY, I was afraid of in the dark. People? Monsters (no laughter allowed here, as fear is often irrational and cannot be explained away) the darkness itself? Not being able to see what's out there? People being able to look in and see me when I'm not able to see them? To overcome my fear of being alone in the house at night (we are way out in the country and have massive windows and don't even have curtains) here is what I did. Maybe one or more of these will be helpful to you... 1) Learn that when I hear something, I kill the lights inside. This is contrary to instinct for most people, but it's the right thing to do. In addition to this, I spent time inside sitting and just listening, with the lights off. No tv, no radio, no air conditioner humming (for part of the time––part of the time it's on, so I can learn that too). I learn the normal sounds of my house, and of the outside around my house, so that if something is NOT normal, I will automatically be on alert. 2) Dogs are your friends if you learn to speak their language. I have big dogs. If I need them, I can bring them inside. They're big wusses, but other people don't know that. And even if you have small dogs there is something you should know about them. If you want to know what is making a sound at night, look between your dog's ears. Even your little dogs hear many times better than you hear. Look where your dog is looking. If there is something outside your home, even if your dog is a wussy dog, your dog hears it, and is looking TOWARD THE SOURCE OF THE SOUND. I learned this from Search & Rescue. It's dark. A lost child may be grunting or shuffling or making a soft little whimper I can't hear. If the wind is blowing the wrong direction, the dog might not smell the child yet, but the dog may HEAR it. If a dog is staring at something, I look there too. If I'm sitting outside by my firepit, alone with my glass of wine, my night vision is shot to hell by the flame. My dog is beside me. If my dog sits up and starts looking at something, ears aloft, I look there too....even if I can't hear or see it, there IS something there. And the dog will generally tell me whether I should worry about it or not. 3) I do Search & Rescue, and I made it a point to do a lot of night trainings. And I've done a lot of night searches. So now I've tromped all through the woods at night, looking, most often, for a body––not even a living person. You have to overcome some serious inner belief systems and issues to do this. When all else fails, you just suck it up and "just do it." My dog is out there too, but it's often no other person–– just me and my dog. I studied land navigation as a part of this, and had to navigate with a map and compass at night too. 4) I spent time outside, in the dark, (I still do this) when uxb is at home. But he's not out there. Of course, if there's trouble and I wuss out (which I did, when I first started these forays into my fear, I could go inside and get him to come out with me, and I had the security of knowing he was there. ) There's no artificial light out there. It's just me and a glass of wine, and a flashlight which I don't turn on cuz it ruins my night vision. I walk around the house and yard. I watch things. I let my night vision adjust. I found I have excellent night vision, better than most. (You probably have better night vision than you realize, but most people seldom use theirs nowadays). I got used to seeing in the dark, watching for motion, looking for outlines. You learn that in the dark, you see differently. Once you learn this, the night is awesome. I never thought, years ago, that I would ever say this, but now, I love the night. 5) uxb has taken me, on a couple of occasions, out at night to wander around in camo...to "snoop and poop" as he calls it...to "recon" something. We don't paint our faces up––no war paint, but we have a couple of night desert camo parka shells with hoods. We walked down the roadsides at night, and when cars came by, we "disappeared." He taught me how to do this. We'd just lie down beside the road and the cars, with their headlights, would pass by, lights shining on both of us, and they wouldn't even see us. They'd go right on by. We became invisible. IT IS THE SECOND MOST FUN THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE! Powerful feeling to understand what most people don't––that most humans see only what they expect to see, and only what they're looking for. I can become invisible easily, simply by becoming part of a shadow. Just a game for me....survival for certain military personnel, yet what was a game for me also helped to overcome my fear. I don't know if this makes any sense, but to overcome my fear of the night, I made the night my ally. My friend. So if the hens have a coniption fit, or the dogs go wonky at night because something's out there, now I kill the lights and I go out to check it. I have the weapons, I know how to use them, and I'm probably better in the dark than whoever is out there. If it's a WHAT (animal), and not a WHO, then no worries. Being out in the dark also cured me of the fear of any non-human entities which might lurk on the fringes of our dimension.....the monsters...real or imagined. If you believe there are things that hover on the fringes of our dimension, that is another matter, and I can tell you how I handled this too, but I would do that in an IM rather than here on the forum. 6) Criminals....anybody who would be coming after you....they're not well-trained. They are not predators, usually. They're opportunists. The night is not their friend, not really. All you have to do is become more comfortable with it than they are. So if I have advice to offer, it would be to get out into the darkness. Make it a project. Do it so you know you're safe at first, then do it alone. Make slow progress, but make progress. Fear is the enemy. Do whatever it takes to defeat it. |
| Kitties writes much better than I do and in far more detail. She brings up a good point about the dark. Combine the inside dark with the outside lit and you have the jump on any bad guy. Your eyes are adjusted and it will take them time to see clearly inside your house. You also know, or should know, your house like the back of your hand (again Kitties point). For instance, I know it is exactly six steps from bed to shotgun. I place my 1911 in the same place on my night stand every night. All I have to do is grab it. Keep your cell phone on your night stand as well in case your phone lines are cut. |
In addition to the dogs and guns, we have an alarm system that I make sure to use when I'm alone overnight. I don't expect it to save me in any case, but having a back-up warning makes me feel much safer. I figure that if someone is able to get past all three things, I'm doomed anyway. 
Also, this may sound completely stupid, but I have found that if I read or watch anything even remotely scary, it makes whole thing worse. I make sure that I watch comedies and stay away from any Stephen King books while my husband is away. |
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Quoted: In addition to the dogs and guns, we have an alarm system that I make sure to use when I'm alone overnight. I don't expect it to save me in any case, but having a back-up warning makes me feel much safer. I figure that if someone is able to get past all three things, I'm doomed anyway. Also, this may sound completely stupid, but I have found that if I read or watch anything even remotely scary, it makes whole thing worse. I make sure that I watch comedies and stay away from any Stephen King books while my husband is away. This is REALLY important. Even if you're watching/reading a romance, make sure it's romantic comedy, or historical, or something light and fluffy. No big, hairy romantic suspense. I write RS, and when uxb is gone overnight, I don't write the hairy scenes. I write the fun, pissed-off arguments or the action scenes or something. No cliffhangers, no torture, nothing gnarly that will make me dream wonky stuff or keep me up at night. I don't plot evil world domination and I don't write in the points of view of the villains while he's away. There is no reason to make it harder on myself. You shouldn't either. Marian's advice is good. The truth is that if they keep coming through the "shuck-shuck" of the shotgun, or the "I am armed and I will blow your f*&%ing head off", you're going to have to kill them. But there is nobody around here who would keep going through that. Really. Probably true for you too. Practice yelling it while you take cover on the other side of your bed. The side AWAY from windows and doors. edit/spelling |
| As the ladies said, the right attitude makes a huge difference (in almost anything you do). One way to get used to outdoor sounds would be to really get into hunting. Start with prey species like turkey and deer, then add predators to the list. Along the way you'll gain lots of knowledge about what's out there day and night and what they sound like, and sitting in the woods calling coyotes in at night is quite a rush. When you are the predator, you may not feel like prey anymore. |
It's tough being away from your man. what helps me is sleeping with my XD on the bedside and drinking a cup of chamomile tea before bed. The tea makes me sleepy and the extra decoration makes me feel safe. 
Don't feel like a chicken shit, hon. Being alone is scary - and without the standard-issue furry & armed incubator, nighttime sucks. 
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