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1/25/2018 7:38:29 AM
Posted: 3/9/2002 6:23:12 PM EST
1.Assembly line workers do it over and over. 2.At a nude wedding everybody can see who the best man is. 3.Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4.Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon. 5.Bachelor: A guy who has cheated a woman out of a divorce. 6.Backup Not Found. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic. 7.Bacteria: Rear entrance to a cafeteria. 8.Bad command or filename! Go stand in the corner. 9.Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawal. 10.Barney Beefcow says ,"Eat Me!" -A public service announcement. 11.Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. -- Tom Lehrer 12.BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don't RETURN 13.BATHROOM HUMOR: We aim to please, could you aim too please?! 14.Be kind to plants--eat more herbivores. 15.Be spontaneous.......combust. 16.Become a programmer and never see the world. 17.Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. 18.Berserkers do it without thinking. 19.Bigamist: One who makes the same mistake twice. 20.Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing. 21.BIGAMY: only crime where two rites make a wrong. 22.Bill of Rights: Void where Prohibited by Law. 23.Black holes are where God is dividing by zero. 24.Blame Murphy when you dig at the wrong end of a rainbow. 25.Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth. 26.Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats. 27.Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups. 28.Bodybuilder; n.: Someone who is fit for nothing. 29.Boredom -- the desire for desires -- Leo Tolstoy 30.BorgDOS v5.0 - Assimilate Another? [Y/n] 31.BOSS spelled backwards is Double S-O-B. 32.Boy Scouts do it in the woods. 33.Brain damage? No thanks, I already have some. 34.BREKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding. 35.Budget: A method for going broke methodically. 36.BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 37.Bugs are sons of glitches. 38.Build a system a fool can use and only fools will use it. 39.Bureaucracy Rule #1 : Expand to fill all available resources. 40.Button: "If we are what we eat, I could be you by morning." 41.74% of people surveyed say that 43% of all statistics are useless. 42.1st rule of marriage: If you're right, apologize fast.
Link Posted: 3/9/2002 6:23:48 PM EST
cont. 43.3x10^5 km/sec. It's not just a good idea. It's the law. 44.8 of 10 Americans suffer from hemorrhoids. 2 enjoy them! 45.355/113 - Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation! 46.640k = 4480 in dog bytes. 47.667 -- the neighbor of the beast. 48.1024x768x256.... Sounds like one mean woman. 49.A book is like a leg, only it doesn't bleed as much if you stab it. 50.A cat will blink when struck with a hammer. 51.A cat's worst enemy is a closed door. 52.A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic. 53.A closed mouth gathers no foot. 54.A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain. 55.A computer never forgives or forgets. 56.A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. 57.A coward is a hero with a wife, kids and a mortgage. 58.A day without sunshine is like... night. 59."A feature is a bug with seniority." 60.A fool and his money are soon elected. 61.A good hacker knows all the right MOVs. 62.A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it. 63.A good organizer is one who is careful to plan ahe 64.A good pun is its own reword. 65.A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else. 66.A KGB keyboard has no key. 67.A kind word and gun gets you more than a kind word alone. 68.A lie is terminological inexactitude. 69.A low yield atomic bomb is like being a little bit pregnant. 70.A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. 71.A manager does the thing right. A leader does the right thing. 72.A mind is a terrible thing to taste. 73.A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor. 74.A motion to adjourn is always in order. 75.A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese. 76.A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on. 77.A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out. 78.A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy. 79.A penny saved is a congressional oversight. 80.A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. 81.A shower is the halfway point between bed and world. 82.A signature always reveals a man's character -and sometimes even his name. 83.A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Link Posted: 3/10/2002 5:28:52 AM EST
He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. You can't have everything, where would you put it? Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Link Posted: 3/10/2002 5:31:46 AM EST
Armed Women = Polite Men Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun! When the govt. fears the people; that's liberty.  When the people fear the govt.; that's tyranny! Weakness invites agression Happiness is a belt fed weapon! Ethnic Cleansing- Coming soon to a city or state near you, as soon as they get our guns! Those who give up a little freedom for a little security, WILL SOON LOSE BOTH AND DESERVE NEITHER! Guns are like tattoos, after the first one you will always want to get another. Nobody ever raped a .38 Government Philosophy:  If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is. "It is better to die on my feet than to continue living on my knees. " - Emiliano Zapata Proud member of the vast, right-wing conspiracy. Banning guns to reduce crime is like banning sex to reduce rape. Think globally. Act locally. SHOOT BACK! Burglars, thieves, beware of flying objects! Gun control is being able to hit your target. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a slave. Ban Guns!  Make the streets safe for government tyranny! Gun laws are enforced at gunpoint. Our safety, which art in hollow points ... Hydra-Shok be thy name. 1/2 of every stamp is for ammo. Colt: The original point and click interface. Another victory for Truth, Justice, and Automatic Weapons. My other auto is a Glock 21. If free speech includes topless dancing, why not carrying handguns? Will Work For Ammo. G = Guns, PG = Plenty of Guns, PG-13 = More than 12 guns... If you plan to rob someone, would YOU pick a car with an NRA sticker? Handgun Control Incorporated - America's Pro-Rapist Lobby Gun control is not about guns; it's about control. Gunfighting Rule #1 - You must have a gun. Guns don't kill people, it's the bullets. Guns get them going faster. I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option. I'm just here for moral support. Ignore the gun. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords? If guns cause crime then video cameras cause porn! If guns cause crime, why are we arming police officers?
Link Posted: 3/10/2002 5:32:39 AM EST
If guns cause crime, why are we arming police officers? Safe sex is wearing your .45 to bed. Law of Combat: Automatic weapons - aren't. Silence is the ultimate weapon of power. The best defense is to stay out of range. This country was FOUNDED by religious nuts with guns! Unknown to the Wicked Witch, the squirt gun was loaded. What this country needs is a good 5 dollar plasma weapon. Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons. But do you trust the government with fully-automatic assault rifles? Censorship: The reaction of the ignorant to freedom. Enslavement is like old age, it creeps up on you. If it saves just ONE life, enslaving you is worth it. It's not the bullets that kill you, it's the holes. Only Tyrants and Criminals need fear an armed citizen. Those who trade liberty for security have neither. You want to threaten my freedom, and you expect me to be nice? My horse got shot, so I had to break his leg ... If it can't overheat, it doesn't have enough firepower! "If someone comes to kill you, arise and kill him." The Talmud Never draw fire; it irritates the people around you. Incoming fire has the right-of-way. You want "knockdown power?" Get an M1A1! 64,999,999 firearms owners killed no one yesterday. An AR15 IS crime control. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive! "Stop, or I'll say stop again." -- British Police 911- Government sponsored Dial a Prayer. Guns cause crime like wet streets cause rain.. "One man with a gun can control 100 without one." - Lenin America was created and preserved for 200 years by armed free men. Blaming the gun for murder is like blaming the typewriter for libel.. Gun Control : Job Safety For Criminals. NRA Life Member JFK was shot by ACLU Member L.H. Oswald! Swords were given to men, that none might be slaves ... Gunpowder and alcohol DO mix - but it tastes awful. Guns don't kill people; massive tissue trauma does. Guns don't kill people...unless you throw it REAL hard. Happiness is a one inch pattern at 100 yards! I live in a quiet neighborhood, they use silencers. Those who beat their guns into plowshares'll plow for those who don't. Driver carries only $50 in ammunition. If you're happy and you know it, clank your chains! Turned in my guns, all I got were these crummy leg-irons. 
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