Posted: 4/3/2025 7:26:07 AM EDT
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Lost another brother in blue to suicide. His wife found him in his car after putting a bullet in his head. It’s strange how often this happens and it’s someone who always seemed so friendly and outgoing and positive all the time. The hurt is extra because we have so many unanswered questions. I wish I would have contacted him more. I wish he would have reached out and asked for help. If anyone is out there battling inner demons, or struggling with life’s difficulties, please know that you aren’t alone. Please please please swallow your stubborn pride and ask for help. |
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I have at least one good friend that everytime I talk to him, I think man, dude is in such a bad way and sounds so stressed about life, I hope he never harms himself, but If I ever get the call, It will destroy me, but it won't surprise me. We are both in our 50s and have been friends (non stop) from early teens. He is like a brother to me. However as adults, we both moved away from the Hood and lead different lives in different areas, so contact is not daily, like it used to be. I need to call him more. Thanks for putting that in my head. I'll call him tonight. |
LARUEMINATI
NRA Endowment Life Member
Originally Posted By Boom_Stick:
""AKs are for villagers you have to tell not to shit in their water supply.""
NRA Endowment Life Member
Originally Posted By Boom_Stick:
""AKs are for villagers you have to tell not to shit in their water supply.""
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These guys get it. https://www.traumabehindthebadge.us/ No kidding guys. If you have any chance at all to attend one of their presentations or have any need at all you should contact them. They aren't in it for the money. Raoul and Doug did more for me and processing some crap I've carried for years than you can even imagine. No, I'm not suicidal but Raoul especially hit that nerve that explained what I'd been seeing and not understanding. All too often we speak of this "Brotherhood" as if it's a real thing. It's not. We need to do better, especially when guys are out injured or on administrative leave following a use of force. |
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Here’s a program that gets outstanding reviews. Every one I’ve read says it changes and saves lives. Spouses can go, too. It’s for all first responders including dispatchers. Ohio Assist |
| Does anyone ever feel like the job just chews you up, spits you out, and, when you can't stand back up, throws you away? I stepped up and helped people. When I needed help, I was told that help is only available for active duty cops. I have no idea how I've made it through the last 15 years of constant pain, barely managing to live indoors, being told I'm just looking for a handout. My department's disability insurance company sent 4 lawyers wearing suits that cost more than I made in a month to find a reason not to pay me. Once it was all done, the judge said he was sorry, but the loophole they used was valid, and there was nothing he could do. All those thin blue line and back the badge stickers on everyone's cars doesn't apply once you get hurt. Everyone tells kids to find a cop when they need help. Who the fuck are cops supposed to find when we need help? |
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Originally Posted By SniperKage: Does anyone ever feel like the job just chews you up, spits you out, and, when you can't stand back up, throws you away? I stepped up and helped people. When I needed help, I was told that help is only available for active duty cops. I have no idea how I've made it through the last 15 years of constant pain, barely managing to live indoors, being told I'm just looking for a handout. My department's disability insurance company sent 4 lawyers wearing suits that cost more than I made in a month to find a reason not to pay me. Once it was all done, the judge said he was sorry, but the loophole they used was valid, and there was nothing he could do. All those thin blue line and back the badge stickers on everyone's cars doesn't apply once you get hurt. Everyone tells kids to find a cop when they need help. Who the fuck are cops supposed to find when we need help? I’m sorry you are hurting, brother. Keep fighting the good fight. |
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A lot of people don't want to hear this, but get into counseling and get on some meds at least until your head is straight. I know of several guys who have vastly improved after going on the right meds for a temporary stint. I'm not huge on meds myself but it beats the alternative. |
Joined:
Aug 2023
Posts:
321
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CA, USA
| I've been in corrections since 1996. Stabbed, gassed more than once. Herniated discs at 27. Daily pain and discomfort. Violence is quite common. As I got older, I decided that inmates are gonna be inmates. I can't change anything. I've seen it eat some of my fellow staff members alive. It's unfortunate that this career kills. Please ask for help if you need it. You would be surprised how many people appreciate what you do and will pick you up when you fall. |
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Originally Posted By tc556guy: Nothing in life could possibly be that bad that suicide is a valid option I've seen it when it made perfect sense. It was a horrific blow to everyone around them but the alternative was going to be far worse. And many folks I've dealt with on suicide calls see it as perfectly rational and valid even though their thought process is derailed completely. Saying to them that suicide is not a valid option is just like saying "Man is a highly evolved form of bicycle." You just won't reach them that way. I don't have the magic answer. If I did there would be a PhD or MD after my name. All we can do is get them marginally back into control over their lives until we can get them psychiatric and or medical intervention. When someone you love is their own worst enemy in their head, well, I've long since given up judging. |
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I will reiterate the need to reach out to folks who are out on injury. Been on both sides of that coin. Nothing like suffering serious injuries where everyone is around at first, then later you hear from very few people… Which I understand completely. Had a seriously disabled buddy who I kept meaning to visit, but it was summer, so damned busy, working tons of OT, thinking maybe tomorrow…. Until tomorrow wasn’t an option. I still feel very guilty about that. Right now I think it is worse than ever. I know multiple folks that I always considered very solid, who reached their mental breaking point with the job. Also have seen a large uptick in OIS incidents, so I doubt the situation will be improving. |
a loaded gun won’t set you free, so you say…