Landon Jude

March 16th, 2009 - Came to Earth
December 26th, 2010 - Returned to Heaven






We are gathered here this morning to honor the memory of Landon Jude Bruder, a wonderful son and a joy in our lives. In this difficult time, his mother and I have been astounded by the outpouring of love and support by our family, friends and our community, which has helped to ease some of the pain of this tragedy. Landon, or LJ as we all knew and loved him, was an amazing little boy. He had a way of bringing joy to a room and a laugh from all the occupants with his antics, weather it was his insatiable appetite, or me getting tackled to the floor because he wanted to play horsey.
Behind me are a couple of the items that we came to know as his absolutely favorite toys that always brought about the most entertaining engagement with those he loved.
* LJ's ducky, which his aunt Madel gave him before he was born, was an instant hit. He would hold his ducky and cuddle with it, clutching it to his chest and petting its head. He showed a fiery temper early on, refusing to touch his ducky after it was washed, and pushing it away.
* LJ's dinosaurs here were a recent acquisition. He was very protective of his dinosaurs, and loved to play with them by chasing the other dinosaurs around, the most placid vegetarian becoming the most ferocious carnivore. He would often watch the children's show "Dinosaur Train" and then spend his evenings chasing his mother, his brother, and I with a powerful "RAR!"
* LJ's shoes were the only piece of clothing that he actually liked. He frequently turned up his nose at clothing, the polar opposite behavior of his brother, but woe upon the person who removed his shoes. He would grab them out of your hand and toss them, with a faint glare at the offending individual.
* LJ's sippy cup was an item of great importance to LJ. He never was far from his sippy cup, and often times would drain it two or three times in a sitting before going off to play.
* LJ's Christmas picture shows the anticipation of being surrounded by gifts that he wasn't quite able to open yet  this picture was taken one week before Christmas.
* LJ's most notable feature was his big blue eyes, which just gleamed with the promise of a bright future.
Ihave a few recent memories of LJ that I would like to share. The first was on Halloween of this year. LJ's mom and I were trying so hard to get him to walk. He had a hard time with it, and really didn't see the point of walking when mom or dad would just carry him around. Finally, on Halloween, in his dinosaur costume, with his little dinosaur tail wagging behind him, we would set him about 6-10 steps in front of the front door. His big brother would run up to the door, and LJ would see the candy, and take those few teetering steps up to the door, and thrust his candy bag out awaiting his reward. We had found the secret to getting him to walk  free candy!
Another time, his mother and I got the opportunity for some alone time with him, and decided to take him to the mall playground. He loved the playground. It was indoors, warm, and giant to our little man, filled with the promises of exploration. He would demand in his little way that I place him on the slide, and I was hard pressed to make it around the other side to catch him before he made it to the bottom. Every time he would go down the slide, he would have his unique giant crooked grin, with his two front teeth that were obviously oversized for his mouth and an amazing laugh, which his mother always coyly observed (with a little bit of pity for LJ) was the same as my laugh.
As LJ started to talk, he would frequently come to me out of everyone in the house, especially when he was having a hard time expressing his want for an item that was placed out of his reach. He would babble in the language that was comprised of familiar syllables, but not quite English, with a sing-song "Daaaaaad-deeeee" prefacing each sentence. He would quickly grow frustrated as I struggled to understand his words, and grab my hand and lead me to the item, and I would point to an item in the vicinity, and he would either smile or frown at the item I was pointing at, quickly leading me to figure out what he wanted.
Cheerios were his favorite food when he was just thinking about autonomous movement. We "baited" him into crawling, by sitting him about two lengths away from it. The first time, he cheated by sitting a little too close, flopping down, and reaaaaaching as far as he could, and grabbing his prize by the fistful. Soon we caught on, and scotched him back just a little farther, and even sooner he struggled on wobbly hands and knees to the small pile of cheerios, sat next to them, and munched happily, a great smile of content spreading across his cherubic features.
While we are feeling sad and lost during this difficult time  we find ourselves being quiet at night to keep from waking him, and expect him to knock on the door to his room in his way that he would let us know he was up and awake for the day - we know that LJ is with our Heavenly Father, and so we are not sad for LJ, but for us and his brother Christian who cannot have his best friend physically by his side as he grows.
We will sorely miss our little dinosaur.
- Written by John Steensen and delivered at LJ's memorial service.

What a beautiful boy. God rest his sweet little soul.

I saw this thread while looking at the memorial for Dilligaf. The above is worth repeating. Yes, he's a great looking kid. Anyway, beautiful eulogy John. Again, sorry for your loss.

RIP little guy.

A wonderful tribute to your son.

I am very sorry for your loss.  My deepest condolences to you and your family.

Beautiful boy J.

Again, I know word offer little comfort, but i'll pray for you and your family.

Nice looking boy. So sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss, I will not say it's dusty in here... I have a tears going down my face,  Beautiful tribute to a beautiful little man.

Happy birthday, LJ. You would have been 3 today. We miss you so much and would give anything to have you here with us to celebrate your birthday.
 

JSteensen, your family, and Landon Jude are in our thoughts and prayers.
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas LJ. Today would have been your 4th Christmas, but we were so blessed to get two with you.





You would have been an amazing big brother to Tommy, who is a month and a half old. He has a bit of a cold and cough which has your mom and I on pins and needles.





I just tucked your big brother in bed, very happy with his new presents and would give anything to get to tuck you in one more time.





I love you LJ, and not a day goes by that my heart isn't heavy missing you - your stocking is still hung up on the fireplace.



EDIT: Thank you all for your well wishes and for thinking of our family and my son. He is gone...but its good to know that some outside the family haven't forgotten him.
 

Godspeed.

This brings a tear to my eye every time I see it, and think of my 15 month old daughter.  I cannot even imagine.

prayers to the family

LJ,



I've been thinking about you a ton. Your little sister is finally living with us again! She would have loved to know you and to play with you. She is a handful for Christian...she really needs two big brothers to keep her in line.



Your little brother Tommy learned his first word....same one as you. Daaaadeeeeee...your momma is a little upset with me over that.



This past week I've really been struggling with your loss. I'm still so angry with myself and wish I could get one do-over in my life, so I could maybe have gotten a few more days if not the rest of my life with you.



Sorry son.

As I type this, my wife is rocking our 22 month old baby girl to sleep.  She has been fussy and a bit mean the last few days, as she fights a sinus infection.  Hopefully the antibiotics she got yesterday will keep it under control.  She's been peaking a fever in the middle of the night.  I can't help but place myself in your situation.



She is...I don't know.  I don't even know how to describe what she is to me.  A ray of light, but that phrase doesn't do her justice.  Her cry of "daddd-deeeee" when she runs up and gives me a hug and a kiss can brighten the darkest day.  Her smile.  Her coy little looks when she's playing.  Her glare out of the corner of her eyes she's mad.  The way she loves to dance to the faintest bit of music, and the way she'll sing songs to her mom, brother and I.  She's just...everything.  



I can't imagine your loss.  I'm watering up now, just thinking about it.  I don't know what to say.  I have no words.

 

Hey kiddo. I hope you don't mind, but me and your mom were just able to go through your big box of things.



We gave your Dinosaur Train dinos, and MegaBlox to your little brother - he is growing up so quickly.



Here you are on Christmas...your last day on earth, with your new dinosaur you never got to play with. I wish so horribly that I hadn't gotten that game that I wanted on Christmas, and spent all day playing with you instead.

I'm crying as I read your posts to my wife, lying here in our bed.  May God help to heal your pain, and know that one day you'll be able to give him a hug again.  I never knew your son, but through your posts, I remember him.

Hey kiddo! You missed a great Christmas. Your little brother and I played with your old dinosaurs for hours, and a bunch of their new toys.



We miss you. It was a little bit easier this year.

Thank you for the update.  I'm glad to know it gets easier.  While I've not suffered this loss, my parents recently have.  My sister was killed in a car accident on the 30th of last month...the day we had our "family" Thanksgiving.  At 3pm she came by the house, with her daughter, for our Thanksgiving meal.  When my sister left, her daughter stayed behind to stay (& play) with us at grandma and grandpas.  At 9pm, the Highway Patrol officers arrived to let us know.





Just under 30 days later, we had our family Christmas (yesterday).  It's great to watch my daughter (just turned 2) play with her daughter (about 2.5).  It's hard to have Christmas with her gone, and it's heartbreaking to see my sister's eyes in those of her daughter.  When we were passing out the presents, there were many labeled "from mommy".  That was hard.





Rest well, Landon Jude.  We miss you, Ash.  We love you, and we'll do all we can to help Sadie know her mom.




 
 

It was your birthday Sunday. You would have been 5 years old, and I can only imagine the conversations we would have been having. Sorry I was late - was away on Military duties. I did have a cupcake and a beer to celebrate your birthday.



You are going to have another little brother here in a few months. Tommy learned how to tell me "No" and "Yes" last week (at 16 months old!!!)



I love you kiddo. I'll see you someday, soon enough.

Sorry brother.

Time doesn't always heal wounds, love and understanding do.

You will see your little boy soon enough. Good speed

This still chokes me up.
One day you'll see him again.

We miss you son. These last couple weeks have weighed terribly on your Mother and I. Your big brother misses you, and me and him talk about you frequently. I really wish you could have gotten to play and grow with your younger brothers and sister. We try to put on a happy face for your siblings this time of year, as its a time that should be joyful, but I'm afraid that it rings hollow at times. I love you LJ. I miss your smiling face, and your silly crooked grin. I see a lot of you in your youngest brother Simon. He is a year and a half old, and he lives to make everyone around him smile and laugh, just like you did. He is completely into Dinosaur train, and dances at the drop of the slightest song - even commercials. I'd give absolutely everything I have to go back to that night and make just a handful of what felt like small decisions over again. I'm so sorry, son. I'm just so so sorry. I'm looking forward to seeing you again, though hopefully not too soon, as your brothers, sisters and Mom still need me. I think about you daily. People told me losing you would get easier in time, but alas, no. I've just gotten better at hiding the hurt, and the hole in the very fabric of my being. We miss you, boy. Merry Christmas, LJ, my little dinosaur. Someday, we will be together again.

JSteensen a recent thread reminded me of your families loss of Landon Jude.
You all have a tough cross to carry, one I pray I never have to bare.

Your family is not forgotten,  I only hope as time passes the pain becomes more dull and you can focus on the time you shared with your son and whatever the future may hold.

HAUK,

Thank you for the kind words, and remembering my little guy. Some days are just really really low, and some are easier. I was in a really low place - it just sort of hit me like a ton of bricks that my two youngest children would never get to know their older brother. And sometimes, its calming to come on here and just write.

Well, its been 10 years now since we lost LJ. It seems like yesterday. Its somehow easier most days, but not easy. I still think about him every day, and still have dreams about him, both good and bad. His big brother is officially a teenager this year. (Holy crap!?!!!) Pulled off another good Christmas for the kiddos, despite my heart hasn't been into it since he left us.