Posted: 6/13/2026 9:37:54 AM EDT
| Mom named me executor of her estate. Not much in the estate, just a house and some insurance. The house is going to my brother in law since him and my sister lived with mom before my sister’s passing. What do I need to know and do now to make the task easier for when the time comes? It’s just me, my brother, sister and brother in law. |
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I'm going through this right now - mom passed away last month, and I'm the Executor. For the house, I'd do a quit-claim deed right now adding your BIL to the deed (assuming he can be trusted not to do stupid shit). This way when your mom passes, it's already taken care of. Then your BIL can simply have your mom taken off the deed. If that's not an option, then have yourself added to the deed so you're already on it when your mom passes. It'll be much easier than if she's solo on the deed. Make sure mom's bank accounts/investment accounts/insurance all have named beneficiaries. Your goal is to avoid probate. My mom did a good job, except for her personal checking/savings accounts. No beneficiary was listed nor a joint tenant, so now I'm having to do a small estate claim with the county court that requires a silly amount of paperwork. There's about $10k in those two accounts, so it's worth a little effort. My dad died in 1997, and he left my mom well-off and even after almost 30 years she'd never needed to get a job. In fact, her estate was still worth about $750k. She had an annuity I wasn't even aware of, but she had named my sisters and I as equal beneficiaries, so it was simply a matter of filing a death claim with the insurance company. Does your mom have enough liquid assets to cover funeral expenses? We didn't do anything extravagant for mom, but the total bill was still $21k (it was on Long Island). If she doesn't, a small term life policy might be a smart idea. Recognize that someone will still likely have to "front" the money, since it will take a little time to get the payout from insurance. One of my sisters is a bit of a money-grubber. She already got mom to give her about $150k over the last few years (new car, new tractor, "they're not good savers," etc). It worked perfectly that this was out of an account that had started with $450k (sale proceeds from a home). In my "disclosure" to my sisters, I simply stated that since the one sister already got her share, the remainder of the account was going to be split between me and my other sister. Sorry for the rambling post, I guess I needed to vent a bit. Oh, and be sure to get double the number of certified copies of the death certificate than you think you'll need. We got 20 for dad, and I think there were two left, and I actually need one for the probate claim for mom's bank accounts. I got 15 for my mom. They're $10 each, so there's no excuse to not get extra. ETA: Make sure your mom stays current on her taxes. My mom was living with the money-grubber sister, and they tried claiming mom as a dependent on their taxes for the '24 tax year. That caused the IRS to reject mom's return. MGS and her husband filed an amended return, but that was over a year ago and the IRS still has not made the change, resulting in mom not filing a return for '25 as well. Now I'm trying to get her SSA tax info, and the SSA.gov website is a major PITA. Sigh. |
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Originally Posted By ske714: If you don't want to deal with it, you should have the option to hire an attorney to handle it, and pay him out of the estate. You might want to make sure of that. this |
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You might want to seek the advice of a local lawyer now before your mom passes. Perhaps she's willing to pay for it. As the saying goes, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." You want to avoid probate and unnecessary fighting afterwards. Executors can't do what they want, Wills, trust documents, and probate law will determine how the estate is settled! |
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Consider a living trust. AI summary: Living Trust: A revocable or irrevocable agreement established by a grantor to avoid probate, manage assets during incapacity, and distribute property privately. It is a real legal tool, not a fiction. In effect the trust "owns" the assets and the trustee(s)* control the trust, adding to or subtracting from the assets at will. My parents did this; after they died, we sat down with the attorney for 30 minutes and then divided the assets as they wished. It was very trouble-free. No probate was needed. It was about $850 back in the 1990s. Someone here said that for a minor-sized trust, the cost of probate vs a trustf is about the same; the difference is that it's paid before or after their deaths. i *My parents were trustees while they lived; my sisters and I were trustees after they died. IIRC the trust automatically must be dissolved 1 or 2 years after the death of the original trustees. Best of luck! l |
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"...and if you can't wait for dawn you can always light a fire."
I am so tempted to lay down the melancholy burden of sanity...
"...and if you can't wait for dawn you can always light a fire."
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Doing it correctly can be a pain the ass. The house sounds like the bulk of her estate. If she wants to give that to your brother in law, she should make him executor. Let him do the work and have the responsibility of opening probate, notifying and paying creditors, etc. |
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Originally Posted By ske714: If you don't want to deal with it, you should have the option to hire an attorney to handle it, and pay him out of the estate. You might want to make sure of that. If you don't want to deal with it, you can decline the job, in most if not all states. However, it's best to have that discussion beforehand so she can name someone willing to do the job. |
| Work closely with the estate attorney. Follow the will exactly and be completely transparent in estate valuation, debts. actions and disbursements. Communicate with all parties frequently and cc the attorney. The will is the will. No changes or special requests allowed. |
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I hope it goes well for you! Sounds like it's not millions, but a family members death brings out the worst in siblings. Friend of mine just went through it to the point the lawyer was ready to sue one his sisters for harassments or some shit. She was like a chigger a tick and a cockroach with a mix of rat had a baby. Her name is Noreen and she lives in Seattle, go figure. |
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Originally Posted By jwliv180: Be prepared for epic arguments over the stupidest of shit. Honestly ... imo parents that make a non-only-child their executor are not being kind. |
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Originally Posted By intheburbs: For the house, I'd do a quit-claim deed right now adding your BIL to the deed (assuming he can be trusted not to do stupid shit). Tax-wise this is a really bad idea. BIL's basis in the property for capital gains taxes would be the value when Mom bought the house. A survivorship/transfer on death deed keeps the house out of probate and gives BIL a stepped-up basis when calculating capital gains taxes when he eventually sells the house. Good estate planning not only blocks grasping heirs, it blocks the tax man. |
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Originally Posted By searchin4shacks: You might want to seek the advice of a local lawyer now before your mom passes. Perhaps she's willing to pay for it. As the saying goes, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." You want to avoid probate and unnecessary fighting afterwards. Executors can't do what they want, Wills, trust documents, and probate law will determine how the estate is settled! It was brutally painful to transfer the title of my father's car to my brother. Everything else was in a trust which spelled out in writing clearly what my folks wanted. When the trust was created it came with an hour of free advice time with the lawyer that drafted it some 28-years earlier. She was still in business so me and my brother went for a meeting with her where she explained all the ins and outs of North Carolina estate law and my duties. Basically as the executor I had a duty to serve the trust over anyone's else's wishes - like mine or my brother's! I found that I could charge a reasonable amount for my time and that my expenses were chargeable too - I took 27 flights cross country over a six month period and had hotel expenses once the house was cleaned out. So at the end of the estate's liquidation I took the one extra penny for myself. The folks had a clause in the trust that basically said if there was a dispute a third party mediator would decide and the losing party would surrender all interest in the estate - you better be damn sure before you start throwing sand. There were certain parts of the trust that were mandatory and other parts that were guides and suggestions ... we want the wedding rings to go to this family, we'd like to see this pension go to this brother .... and other than being dozens and dozens of hours on the phone paying bills and closing accounts, the hours and hours of flights, days of rental cars, nights of hotel rooms ... it was just a metric ton of work. The Christian Ten Commandments include "honor your father and mother" and I can think of nothing more honorable than seeing their final will be done and settling their affairs. Stay out of probate court! |
Disclaimer: Before taking offense, please consider the possibility that I was attempting humor and simply wasn't as funny as I thought I was.
This post may contain traces of sarcasm, exaggeration, and attempted humor.
This post may contain traces of sarcasm, exaggeration, and attempted humor.
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PS: if you have a simple estate TrustAndWill.com (whatever) had $249 trusts for a long time. I think we added a living will and another document for another $99 when we did ours. |
Disclaimer: Before taking offense, please consider the possibility that I was attempting humor and simply wasn't as funny as I thought I was.
This post may contain traces of sarcasm, exaggeration, and attempted humor.
This post may contain traces of sarcasm, exaggeration, and attempted humor.
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Originally Posted By stillgottheshovel: Doing it correctly can be a pain the ass. The house sounds like the bulk of her estate. If she wants to give that to your brother in law, she should make him executor. Let him do the work and have the responsibility of opening probate, notifying and paying creditors, etc. It would never get done if she did that. Don’t get me wrong, he is a good guy. Just not very organized and forgetful. |
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Originally Posted By JimmyAR: I hope it goes well for you! Sounds like it's not millions, but a family members death brings out the worst in siblings. Friend of mine just went through it to the point the lawyer was ready to sue one his sisters for harassments or some shit. She was like a chigger a tick and a cockroach with a mix of rat had a baby. Her name is Noreen and she lives in Seattle, go figure. It’s not a lot. Just the old home and a life insurance policy. |
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My mother in law passed away a couple years ago and my wife was the executor.. In our state it had to go through probate. Luckily my mother in law had a very current will. We hired an attorney and that turned out to be a good move. The probate folks around here take things very seriously. Even though it was somewhat expensive it all worked out pretty good. One interesting thing in the will was that anyone that contested it would only get $10.  I don’t know if that would stand up in court but I got a good laugh out of it. |
| I did this for my Dad last year. You will need a Lawyer sooner or later, so you may want to contact one to help the process along. About 10 copies of the Death certificate. I don't know if you have Probate , but there is a process to it all. My Dad owed no one and only had a house, a vehicle and about$4000 in savings and it was still a pain in the rear end. |
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Originally Posted By ske714: If you don't want to deal with it, you should have the option to hire an attorney to handle it, and pay him out of the estate. You might want to make sure of that. You can simply inform the court that you won't be the Executor and they will appoint one, typically it will be the lawyer that drew up the will. It takes all the family pressure off you. |
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OH yeah, OP: I meant to include this MUCH earlier for your edification. Click To View Spoiler |
87% of the time, any question starting with "Why..." is answered with "Money."
I am so tempted to lay down the melancholy burden of sanity...
"...and if you can't wait for dawn you can always light a fire."
I am so tempted to lay down the melancholy burden of sanity...
"...and if you can't wait for dawn you can always light a fire."
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Originally Posted By FrankSymptoms: OH yeah, OP: I meant to include this MUCH earlier for your edification. Click To View Spoiler Lol, I don’t get it. That looks like the turkey drop from wkrp…. |
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Originally Posted By d4xycrq: I hope your Mom lives many more years. Only thing I can add is; you’ll need more death certificates than you think. Take your best guess and add three. Definitely - when my father in law passed away he didn't have anything set up, so my wife basically assumed executorship because her brothers wanted nothing to do with it. I was surprised at how many death certificates we needed when settling shit (he had a bunch of outstanding debt/medical bills) |
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I used an attorney for my moms estate as well as my best friends. They will file all the paperwork and walk it through the system for you. Fee varies based on complexity and estate size , at least that's what the attorney's I contacted said. If you have any siblings that have a tendency to need money , then expect some noise from them. My sister was written out of the will and it has caused some strains on my relationship with her. |
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Best thing we ever did early in life with my mom and dad who died twenty two years apart: Have mom put you or your brother on her bank accounts and double check the insurance beneficiary. Do the Quit Claim Deed for the house as already mentioned. We did this and ZERO issues between my brothers/sister and I. Also, have mom sign any vehicle titles, or better yet, go get added as a co-owner. Wife's folks didn't do any of this and my wife and I put with a ton of shit that came out of the blue from her sisters. If all your mom has is a house and some insurance policies, fuck a will, fuck lawyers, fuck probate. A will has to go through probate and all the parts of the will have to be agreed upon, including the Executor... it was a big pain in the ass that cost my wife a few thousand dollars. This advice is only for those who have minimal assets. Cars, houses, bank accounts, insurance policies, etc. can all have co-owners before death which means ownership isn't a question, and most important, the government and lawyers don't get shit... which is how it should be. ETA- let me explain my distaste for the Will/Probate process. When my FIL died last year he had a will that said all his assets were to be divided equally... that caused some minor problems... he owned a completely furnished house and garage full of man stuff, two cars, a nice boat, a utility trailer and maybe 15K-20K in the bank I think. Your average blue-collar dude. First off... (this is Florida and might be different in other places) the court would NOT do a traditional probate, they said they would only do a Summary Probate to address the house NOTHING ELSE. They said do what ever with the rest of the property which caused all kinds of shit from the sisters. Everyone kind of went through the house claiming what they wanted and that worked out pretty good. All the titled items, house, cars, trailer, and boat ALL had to be put in ALL FOUR GIRLS names and new titles in hand BEFORE they could sell them because of the "equal" aspect of the Will. You know how difficult it is to get four working adults in one place in order to do that kind of paperwork, especially when one is quasi homeless? It was one ordeal after the other and we finally got to a point where everyone was ok. I say have your kids as co-owners if they are squared away and you can depend on them after your death. |
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Originally Posted By Spankyham: Lol, I don’t get it. That looks like the turkey drop from wkrp…. Originally Posted By Spankyham: Originally Posted By FrankSymptoms: OH yeah, OP: I meant to include this MUCH earlier for your edification. Click To View Spoiler Lol, I don’t get it. That looks like the turkey drop from wkrp…. It is but Jennifer Marlowe was appointed executrix of her boyfriend's estate and Nessman asked what it means; Jonny Fever replied "It involves high heels and a lot of leather." Couldn't find any online pics about the real moment. |
87% of the time, any question starting with "Why..." is answered with "Money."
I am so tempted to lay down the melancholy burden of sanity...
"...and if you can't wait for dawn you can always light a fire."
I am so tempted to lay down the melancholy burden of sanity...
"...and if you can't wait for dawn you can always light a fire."
|
Originally Posted By R2point0: As opposed to co-executors? My parents did that to me and my brother so we could split the executor fees. They thought it would make things easier - "Only one of you has to sign things." Umm, no, that's not how it works. Oh, I live 3 hours away, he lives 5 minutes away. My mother wanted to do that nonsense to my brother and I. We finally were able to talk her out of it. I can't imagine the pain in the ass it would be for us to have to do everything together. We both have jobs and busy schedules! |
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Originally Posted By 545days: My mother wanted to do that nonsense to my brother and I. We finally were able to talk her out of it. I can't imagine the pain in the ass it would be for us to have to do everything together. We both have jobs and busy schedules! Originally Posted By 545days: Originally Posted By R2point0: As opposed to co-executors? My parents did that to me and my brother so we could split the executor fees. They thought it would make things easier - "Only one of you has to sign things." Umm, no, that's not how it works. Oh, I live 3 hours away, he lives 5 minutes away. My mother wanted to do that nonsense to my brother and I. We finally were able to talk her out of it. I can't imagine the pain in the ass it would be for us to have to do everything together. We both have jobs and busy schedules! |
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If mom is still with us, brother in law shouldn't be on the deed. Kids have bankruptcies, divorces, judgments (not familiar to Georgia's homestead law), etc.. A better way to handle it is a Lady bird Deed, or enhanced life estate deed in favor of BIL. Same for bank accounts and the like. A durable power of attorney solves the problem, permitting the agent to sign things on her behalf. Ensure Mom has beneficiary designations on all her liquid accounts, insurance, retirement, brokerage, etc. If a lady bird deed is employed and beneficiaries are on everything, there will likely be no need for an administration. Again, I'm not a GA guy, but here in Florida, personal property passes without probate. You just need to drag a death certificate and will instrument to tag office and they will tx it right there. |