I wish there was a way to help or add to the help.

Even though, I should be dead (faulty primer? went off when I tested it after initial failure), I'm not, and I'm glad I'm not, so I've been in that shitty place.

Even so I don't have any grand wisdom to share.  It scared the piss out of me, so I fixed my shit.

I applaud all you guys for what you're doing.  Didn't know or see a thread about Fammy, that's a shame.

Some times the best way to help is to tell of your own experiences. It's the trivial little bits that tend to pull people back from the edge.....don't be afraid to try.

when someone you love with all your heart and have sacrificed everything for suddenly says through email i want to be single and doesn't even have the balls to say it in person, after swearing he loves you forever, wants to grow old together, discusses kids names with you, etc, etc....well, it makes life not seem at all worthwhile.

i'm available send me an IM if anyone needs to BS, maybe I can help.



eta, I'm not always on arfcom. I generally check in once a day, which is unfortunate because these require immediate attention, so I ask that you dont take it personally if I dont get back to you quickly and I ask that you IM someone that is online or call 1-800-273-8255 which is a hotline to help.  But thats not the end of it, even after you call the hotline you can always talk to me.

geared toward teens but the wisdom applies.

Thank you Ed, and all those willing to help those going through difficult times.

Best thing I have ever read on this forum, good job.

Thank you for this post Ed, you are a true gentleman.

I admire the offer to reach out to fellow gun owners.



That's gonna make those leery about coming forth feel real comfortable.

I predict this response.

At least he told you and didn't just fuck around on you  I've bitten the relationship shit-sandwich before, if you need to talk, I'm here...fuck that guy, don't let him dictate the direction your life takes at this point..

I did read this thread on it's inception.

Yet felt to thank Ed Sr. for his sincere  attitude after waiting a few days.

I waited and can now say, the majority of you bastards are indeed sincere also.

Life can be a tough nut.


I can at least be proud of my wife and sons.

Hell, if you are reading this Ed, Marine son is scheduled to go Army in Jan '12 as SF.

But no. I'm not asking to change my moniker to Army_Dad

I was doing pretty good. PTSD well in hand, working out some issues by putting them down on paper, comming to grips with past events, the war,  and so forth. The last couple of days, I've been wanting to suck start a 12 guage.  Family crazy angry about things seven years gone by, everyone crazy mad. Thier kids may not see my kids, wife upset, I will have to be alone on Thankgiving.  What can you do about something stupid you said almost a decade ago?  EdAvila J.R. has been trying to be helpfull. THe Avilas are good people.

All a person can do about the past is make amends, and be a better person. Yesterday's opinions can't be changed, but they can be influenced by what happens today.

Don't give up on yourself, and most definitely don't give them the satisfaction.

Keep talking it out with Ed Jr and hopefully others in your area. There is nothing more you can do besides apologize regarding something you said so long ago. Maybe explaining your state of mind back then and how things have changed may help. Sometimes we just say stuff in the heat of the moment that we don't mean. Most people do it, we all make mistakes and your family will come to realize this in time. If its old to you but new to some of them they will need time to work through it.

If you want to take a trip to Idaho you can stop by my house for Thanksgiving

Hopefully by then things will have calmed down and level headed minds will have prevailed.

Best wishes to you and yours Brother.

You gents are great.  It is one of those things, I guess. Karma is a bitch.

Yep, but she knows the good things you will say and do tomorrow.

Alone on Thanksgiving???  Hell no.  Buy yourself a ticket to Denver, Colorado, and you can hang out with my family*.  Remember that life is in fact a roller coaster ride and it's going to have it's ups and downs.  If you need anything, feel free to IM me and lemme know.  While I may be a Pond Pirate, my family is Navy so I won't hold that against you.  Seriously, if you need anything let me know.  Stay Frosty,
-SleeperShooter

ETA:  For the record, ten years ago is a long time to hold onto grudges & wrongs.  I don't know what you said, but there's almost nothing in life that can't be forgiven.  Stay strong and keep up the good fight. -SS

Haven't read this entire thread.   Usually only lurk in GD.  That said,  found out this morning brother in law took his own life and was found today.   It's amazing that the reaction of everyone has been to get pissed off first and feel bad second.   All I can say is it's a hell of a lot less heartache, trouble, stress, expense, etc... to call and get help than it is to put your loved ones through this.  The flip side of this - It's a hell of a lot easier to step up and help someone before they get to this point.

Brother in law had been in a run of bad luck and not always made good decisions.  Pretty easy to look back now and see that support would have been better than ostracizing him for bad choices.

Hope someone reads this and re-thinks keeping their pain in the ass brother in law at arms length.  Beyond the hope this post is read, his choice to be an organ donor are the only positives in sight.

That sucks man.  Sorry to hear about that.  Was he here in Colorado or somewhere else?  Sorry for your loss!
-SS

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo "Karma"

Oh, and IM sent.

I'm going through the exact same shit right now... so don't think you're alone...

I've had 2 chicks do that to me....

Makes you question yourself... a lot..

Took me 3 years to get over the first one, and it still hurts......

The last chick ended it with me about a month ago.....cheated on me, less than 12 hours before telling me she loved me and wanted to get married, have a kid, etc....

What makes it even worse, is that I believe in chivalry, and I don't break a promise I make. I have the mindset of a knight, queen above all, and all that #(%&, I promised I'd always be there for her, and I still have to be.... Sometimes I wish I wasn't so #(%&#ing honorable... Hell, I drove 1700 miles - straight through - taking a week off of work without notice.... because she needed someone there... I got there, and was basically told to sleep in my car... without the financial wherewithal to afford a hotel - which she knew.

You second guess yourself, wondering what you could've done differently, and the whole cliche of 'it's not you, its me' does nothing to help......

I still feel like a shell of the person I once was....but things gets better, you realize that they lost an opportunity, and you got out before things got REALLY messed up....imagine if he/she did that AFTER you had a kid and got married....

I will throw this out there to think about


I have been through a lot, and some days the prospect of
getting up and doing it again and again indeed does suck.

I live in constant pain and it gets pretty rough some days.
But then I see a man with out legs and I'm glad I can still walk.

Life truly is tough at times, You just need to press on and hope for
better days.  The pain lets you know you are still alive and that you
have the strength to press on even when you really don't want to.

Many times when it all comes crashing down, just walk away, take
a deep breath, and then do what you can to pick up the pieces.

Never be afraid to ask for help when life turns to shit.
That was a hard lesson for me to learn, one I wish I learned earlier.

And as a final thing, get a dog, honestly my dog loves me more
than she loves herself, when it all goes to shit she still loves me.
Some of the worst times in my life were soothed by just being
with my dogs, weather the loss of a loved one, or the loss of
a job, or GF, or whatever.  They truly are the best friend.

This is so true.  When I was going through WWIII of divorce, I was literally fighting for every breath.  I was working so much to pay for attorney, seeing my child a few days a month and trying NOT to let her see the hell I was going through.  I did this for 2 1/2 yrs, until I had my final hearing and got custody.  But the ONLY thing that saved me was a dog.  I had to live with my sister during my nightmare.  She has 3 dogs, one was a chow and she never liked me, she was aggressive.  But the strangest thing happened when I moved in with my sister.

That chow (who always tried to bite me in the past) became my best friend.  The minute I walked in the door, she was the sweetest towards me and she was my shadow for those 2 1/2 yrs.  She never acted this way with anyone else, she slept with me, followed me everywhere, and I let her.  I talked to her all of those days I was alone in my room, and I became her mission in life.  My sister started calling her my new girlfriend, it was like she knew I was in need, and she was devoted to me, only me.  It really helped me, I don't know how I would have made it w/o that dog.  ALWAYS there for me, if I readjusted my seat, she went on alert.  Hell I even had to make her stay back when I used the bathroom, it was the greatest thing I have ever witnessed.

When my father died, my GSD I had at that time (I have a different one now)
just sat by me and let me pet her, that was what I needed most (her company)

She knew I was deeply hurting and she just stayed with me comforting me.

Dogs, one of the only ways a man can buy true love.

I try to be the kind of man my dog thinks I am.

Be worthy of your dogs devotion though.

Having first hand experience in this area, I can say that most people would be shocked and amazed by how
much healing can take place by talking to and sincerely listening to someone who is severely depressed.

Great post ED

I'm in.  Already been contacted and put on the list, but want it available in the tack.  I have mental health experience and am in the southeast TN area.  If I can't help directly, I know a lot of professionals in this area who can.

Edit:  I like Snow's idea for a dedicated forum also.

Ed.Sr. I am glad to see you are addressing this issue.

I dont think its a huge problem on this site, but one suicide or person who is contemplating it is one to many.

It is really heartening to see suicde being discussing in a rational and adult manner here.  Bravo sir, bravo.  

Well done

Truer words were never spoken.

God bless our fury friends .

good people are good people

When my wife of 36yrs. died 16yrs ago our 34yr. old son was terminally ill with cancer.   I was a lost soul but I had some support from my daughter and friends at work.  Soon after our son died the support stopped almost at once.  People had their concept of how long grief and depression should last and I didn't recover within their limits.  I struggled through the next few years on almost my own and wished I would die almost every day but I never thought of suicide as a way out but only because I didn't know what happens after death from suicide.  From my family and all of my friends at work there were two who stuck with me just talking without judging.  With the help of these two friends I gradually found the desire to live.  I'm 74 years old now and not one day goes by that I don't think of my wife and wish she were still here but I've gained the strength to be happy every day also.

Talk without judging at all is the one way you can help a person in serious trouble with grief or depression........it may be the only way and it takes time so give them all the time it takes and don't let go.

Threads like these make me proud to be a member here. Thank you !

We were told by the BATFE that the question "adjudicated mentally defective" means a doctor or judge ordered you to treatment against your will. If a person willingly checks themselves in for treatment then it does not count as being "adjudicated".



I don't wish to side track this thread, but I would hate to see someone not seek help just because they are worried about losing their firearms. A person's mental health and well being is more important, for them and their family.



 

If my story could make a difference, I'd share it here, or privately.  I had an FTF, so I lived, only one out of 10K+ rounds out of that gun too.  Based on that, I don't know if what I would share would help.  Do I get depressed still?  Fuck who doesn't.  But I'm never pulling that shit again.  Am I happier now, then I was 5 years 4 months ago when I did that?  A little depending on the day.  But I don't hit that low point anymore, not even close.  Never sought help, I guess that I looked at professional help like this, they never went that far, planned it for over a week not to look like a suicide or to ever be found to save my family grief (yes that was my actual thought, and it was fucked), and actually pulled a trigger on themselves.  So, I didn't care to hear what they said, I dealt with it, and looking back I still get freaked out.  You can't imagine how many repetitive nightmares I have replaying that night.  Now that I'm really thinking about it, wanting to take my life cause some bitch broke my heart kinda pisses me off and makes me realize how weak I was. FWIW

Yup stand up guy.  With guys like this from NY, and a couple of other guys I know who moved out here from there, I am confused why NY is in such trouble.

Reading this thread makes me glad I hang around here.

Cheers to EdAvilaSr!

BTT to keep it from being Archived.
-SS

Bump to prevent archiving, and to relate the story of the loss of my cousin this evening to an apparent suicide.

The back-story is that my cousin and shooting-partner had gotten attached to a married woman. She files for divorce, and starts an immolating relationship with my cousin. He seemed truly happy for the first time in his life, following a long recovery period from alcoholism and drug abuse. Things are somewhat tense, as her husband was friends with my cousin until the stories of his abuse and infidelity came out, part of the snare that engulfed my cousin. Threats and court-related nastiness ensue.

Flash-forward roughly 9 months to last week, when he tells me the relationship is falling apart. The woman in question says she loves him, right before kicking my cousin to the curb so she can take her husband back "for the good of the kids". Cousin can't sleep or eat, so his physician triples his Lorazepam sleep-aid, and also prescribes him sertraline for depression. I caution him at this time that the meds he's on are pretty stout, and that the sertraline has some nasty side-effects and withdrawal symptoms.

I got the call at work tonight from my parents that my cousin had shot himself at home, and came home to be with the family and help the investigators piece together the back-story. The deputy I spoke with did a great job in handling the situation, and was very supportive of the family.

Here's what I learned tonight, and I pray it will help someone down the road:


1. Love cannot fix everything. Love is not something that will change the nature of people. The only thing that will change a person is a decision by that person to change.

2. I was not shocked when I was told my cousin had killed himself. I knew he was at-risk, and I saw the warning signs. There was nothing I could do to prevent it, and no amount of counseling on my part would fix the pain he felt. The tipping-point for people in this situation can be a simple phone-call, email, or text message.

3. The aftermath of suicide or violent death is something I wish on no one. I cannot describe how it felt being in his home after the police released the scene to the family. I helped his step-father clear the firearm collection out of the safes for storage, which was right next to the couch my cousin shot himself on. Thankfully, the scene was not horrible.

4. In my cousin's case, the people he cared about the most in life are also the same people who were unfortunate enough to find him. Those people will never be the same.

5. A family history of suicide and the painful consequences will not prevent a person from taking their lives. In my cousin's case, his father and aunt had committed suicide when he was a baby.

6. Mental health issues and substance abuse do tend to run in families.

7. Lots of people offer prayers and statements of support following an event like this, but will return to the habit of soap-opera drama the next day. Use the opportunity to make people take a hard look at themselves and their actions.

8. Drama is deadlier than quicksand, it will pull you under faster than you can reason yourself out of the situation. Followed up shortly by despair once you are engulfed, it will constrict itself around your soul until you surrender. Kill this demon at the outset, or suffer the consequences.

9. People that have been there are to be trusted and have their warnings heeded. Getting someone to listen is the problem, especially when the person suffering believes no one else hurts as bad as they do. Don't pull punches with them, get the message across clearly.

10. Regret will haunt the survivors for the rest of their lives. They will blame themselves for not doing something, anything more to help. They will take responsibility for the actions of the departed, to avoid being angry with the people they lost.


I hope someone can learn from my cousin. I hope it will save a person's life, and some loved-ones a lifetime of guilt and regret.

No plans for Thanksgiving.  Be happy to join you for dinner.  If my little brother gets a break during Q-Course for the holiday and isn't going to Florida I'm sure he'd be happy to join us as well.  My biological father recently told me he's finally forgiven me for something I did 30-years ago when I was 17 years old.  I was dumbstruck that he would hold my childhood improprieties against me all these years.  Family issues suck ass.

Sorry for your loss.  



 

Out-friggen-standing.  Thank you, Sir.

-SS

Last week Monday, a distant friend (acquaintance?) of mine saw his legal troubles as too much to handle.  His way out was sitting under a tree in the back yard and eating his shotgun while his mother was in the front of the house.

I'm glad to see this thread.  It needs to be seen more often.

Mike

That's a useful feature, I'm glad it exists.