I got a horrible beard. But I want a beard. Advice? (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 11/16/2020 6:54:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Krashdog][Edited]
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So I’m not a hairy man. And I’m thankful for that. I’m 41 and have always just shaved once or twice a week, sometimes a month. And just roll with my god given baby face. Until this year. When I leave it alone. This is what I get.   It’s blotchy, sparse, and about 5 different colors. Normally I wouldn’t care and just shave it off. PROBLEM IS: I feel rediculous without it. I don’t know why, but I do. Attached File So I either need to figure out how to trim it to look correct, any tips for better growth. Or just someone tell me to quit being a poser and shave already. Not sure exactly what I need. I lived 40 years without one and now I feel like I must do it. Here’s a short video for a little elaboration.  Failed To Load Title ETA: I know arf is anti video for some reason. It’s an unlisted link, just for y’all. Don’t like, dont subscribe |
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Originally Posted By digitalebola: In the same boat. I looked like that at 28. Now at 50 the side fill in a little... still not a good look for me. I can sympathize. It’s strange. Now that I’ve had one, even a bad one. I look fat and round faced without it. I’m 190 pounds.... |
I'm a baby-face too. Forgot just how bad it was since I havent been clean shaven in years. Even with some light coverage I still get carded for buying lighters. 
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Originally Posted By DirtAuger:
You are a "every thing is a dildo if you'r brave enough" kind of guy aren't you OP?
You are a "every thing is a dildo if you'r brave enough" kind of guy aren't you OP?
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What you have going is not a good look. If you really don’t grow the sides, then yes, you are looking at shaving, stubble, or goatee. I’m personally not a goatee fan, but I’m not the one that would live with it. What you have going is unkempt. Trim it to a uniform length and pay attention to the edges; that’s where the scraggly look generally comes in. Hit the just for men stuff if you’re that concerned about it. I wouldn’t, but if you think it would help you feel better about it, try. If none of that yields a good look, shave it. Another alternative is finding a hipster barber and ask them to craft you a beard to match your favorite craft beer. |
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Beards come in all sorts of shapes and coverage and people are used to seeing all those different looks so what you have is not unusual nor does it look bad. I would just even your goatee up a bit on the sides. Trim your mustache so that it isn't down to your mouth. If you don't have them already get a good set of electric clippers with different guards for different lengths. It will look better if it is all closer to the same length and clippers make that easy. I have tried all sorts of beard oils, balms and butters but it just didn't seem to make any difference for me. ymmv. I have had beard for a long time but now the sides are almost all grey/white. Not sure if I will keep it when it is all grey. Getting old sucks. |
FTFTWFMF
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Originally Posted By M4: Do it. https://cdn3.volusion.com/avymr.mqvyp/v/vspfiles/photos/MUTTONCHOPSFULL-2.jpg?v-cache=1542778217 Lol nice |
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Originally Posted By BuddyChryst: What you have going is not a good look. If you really don’t grow the sides, then yes, you are looking at shaving, stubble, or goatee. I’m personally not a goatee fan, but I’m not the one that would live with it. What you have going is unkempt. Trim it to a uniform length and pay attention to the edges; that’s where the scraggly look generally comes in. Hit the just for men stuff if you’re that concerned about it. I wouldn’t, but if you think it would help you feel better about it, try. If none of that yields a good look, shave it. Another alternative is finding a hipster barber and ask them to craft you a beard to match your favorite craft beer. I’m a Miller lite man. I guess I’ll just shave then
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It isn't as bad looking as you think. You are being overly critical of yourself. With that said, I would suggest letting your chin whiskers grow out much longer, then trim it into a deep V shape...sort of like a devil, or viking style V shaped goatee. I wouldn't suggest a traditional Van Gogh shape that is more rounded on the bottom. By going with the longer V shape it looks more deliberate and not as "hillbilly just let go to seed" look. Keep the mustache with it, but definitely let your chin beard grow out much longer, then shape it into a deep V shape. The color of your beard hair isn't an issue, almost everyone's beard is composed of numerous colors. ETA: and trim the mustache along the line of your upper lip so it isn't in your mouth..it makes it look more deliberate and more full. That in conjunction with the deep V shape will get you fixed right up. |
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Originally Posted By Genin: It isn't as bad looking as you think. You are being overly critical of yourself. With that said, I would suggest letting your chin whiskers grow out much longer, then trim it into a deep V shape...sort of like a devil, or viking style V shaped goatee. I wouldn't suggest a traditional Van Gogh shape that is more rounded on the bottom. By going with the longer V shape it looks more deliberate and not as "hillbilly just let go to seed" look. Keep the mustache with it, but definitely let your chin beard grow out much longer, then shape it into a deep V shape. The color of your beard hair isn't an issue, almost everyone's beard is composed of numerous colors. ETA: and trim the mustache along the line of your upper lip so it isn't in your mouth..it makes it look more deliberate and more full. That in conjunction with the deep V shape will get you fixed right up. Thanks , good tip |
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Originally Posted By GGF: What does your husband prefer? (you did post in GD - it was gonna be asked.)  Actually I didn’t. But that’s ok. For the record , I killed my husband, and took all his guns. Wanna get hitched? I make a mean potato salad 
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Many beers and my $10 van der Hagen later. Here’s trimmed. Except the lip. My tiny scissors are missing.   I think I’ll just keep it like this for a while and see if I get any real length. I was going to just lop it off but that’s why I’ve failed so far. I get frustrated and start all over. |
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I posted a similar thread years ago (in GD ) and everyone laughed at me, said give it up, you look like you glued pubes to your face, etc. Now I can go from clean shaven to a Viking beard pretty quick. A few things that helped me: 1) Don't wash your beard with soap or shampoo to often. It dries it out and the ends will split and stop adding length. 2) Use a beard oil or creme. It helps condition your beard, and will help in getting all the hairs to grow in the same direction. Get a dense, flexible bristle type beard brush to train your beard (works better than a hard comb or brush.) 3) Get mustache wax and a small mustache comb. It also helps to train your hairs and makes the individual hairs appear thicker, which makes your mustache look fuller. A good mustache can save a thinner beard. I use Firehouse mustache wax. 4) Take vitamins and drink water. Biotin is #1. It is for thickening hair and fingernails, but works AMAZINGLY on facial hair too. Downside is your fingernails will get thicker and need cutting more frequently. 5) Remember that you are looking at your beard under harsh lighting, up close. It looks better to everyone else. 6) Get mustache scissors. Trim only hairs on mustache and beard that refuse to grow in the right direction or are growing way faster. (In general, shorter can look thicker, so clip hairs that look too wispy and refuse to lay down. A "see-through" beard can look dense when brushed together with beard oil or creme.)  |
Crazy neighbors - Filling the gap until the zombies arrive.
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Originally Posted By KingRat: I posted a similar thread years ago (in GD ) and everyone laughed at me, said give it up, you look like you glued pubes to your face, etc. Now I can go from clean shaven to a Viking beard pretty quick. A few things that helped me:1) Don't wash your beard with soap or shampoo to often. It dries it out and the ends will split and stop adding length. 2) Use a beard oil or creme. It helps condition your beard, and will help in getting all the hairs to grow in the same direction. Get a dense, flexible bristle type beard brush to train your beard (works better than a hard comb or brush.) 3) Get mustache wax and a small mustache comb. It also helps to train your hairs and makes the individual hairs appear thicker, which makes your mustache look fuller. A good mustache can save a thinner beard. I use Firehouse mustache wax. 4) Take vitamins and drink water. Biotin is #1. It is for thickening hair and fingernails, but works AMAZINGLY on facial hair too. Downside is your fingernails will get thicker and need cutting more frequently. 5) Remember that you are looking at your beard under harsh lighting, up close. It looks better to everyone else. 6) Get mustache scissors. Trim only hairs on mustache and beard that refuse to grow in the right direction or are growing way faster. (In general, shorter can look thicker, so clip hairs that look too wispy and refuse to lay down. A "see-through" beard can look dense when brushed together with beard oil or creme.) https://i.imgur.com/6PxzA8N.jpg I’m all for a good laugh. Even if it’s at my expense  But I wanted advice. And thanks for giving it. I asked my dad first. He said “I don’t fucking know, I’m 78 and can’t grow a beard” So.... that’s all I got. |
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Alright man you’re gonnna have to give up the hopes of a full beard. You’re just not built that way. Ditch the scraggly ass goatee and the tank top it makes you look you have domestic violence tendencies. Also I don’t think your glasses are doing you any justice have you tried a square lense with thick rim? Also I’m a full time mechanic myself. Get some gloves. No one likes dirty hands. Especially the womenz. |
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I think clean shaven is a better look on you, to be honest. If you insist on a beard, then you can definitely do better. Years ago I would go through those cheap beard trimmers about once a year. Then one day at the barber, I paid for a beard trim and paid attention to how she did it and what kind of clipper she used, instead of just watching her tits like usual. It was a learning experience, an option you might consider. So +1 on getting some good clippers. Not at the dollar store or walmart, find a beauty supply where actual barbers buy their tools at. Choose one that plugs in the wall for power. A smallish one with a 1-1/2 to 2" wide blade is perfect. Battery power usually means cheap junk. Get a bottle of clipper oil with it too. After you're done and got all the whiskers cleaned out, you need to oil the blades before you put it away. You'll now be able to get a perfect line on your top lip, perfect edges, and with the right guard get the rest of it a uniform length. I usually trim up once a week, then shave the blank areas with a safety razor. The other benefit to buying a pro quality clipper is it will last a lifetime. I've had mine for over 20 yrs and it's good as new. $37 at Sally Beauty Supply back then, so probably closer to $100 now In my opinion you don't have enough beard to bother with any magical beard conditioners. It's just going to complicate grooming, and won't really do anything for you unless you're able to grow it out longer than an inch. If you want to try something anyway, get a bottle of leave-in conditioner wherever you buy shampoo and the like. I use a Fructis product that smells good, comes in a 10 oz bottle, costs under $4 and lasts half a year for my beard that reaches my belt buckle. It's the consistency of hand lotion. Get your fingertips wet with it and rub it in, then run a comb thru it. Last choice, you could always go with some face tats to draw attention away from the shrub on your chin. Maybe even get a tattoo beard, then you'd never have to trim it. #Winning! |
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I had that problem...a long time ago. What worked for me was to literally grow it until it was a patchy long scraggly mess. You'll take crap from your friends and lady friend/SO, but its worth it. Then...wait for it. Shave it clean and start all over. Grow it out to the same mess and shave it all off again. Each time it will grow back a little more in the patchy places until you have a full beard. My Dad and Brother neither one can grow a beard for shit because they have no patience. I have a full nice beard that I trim and shape anyway I want when I feel like it. |
Every normal man, at times, must be tempted to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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I had a sort of similar problem in my 20s. I could grow a very thick beard, but I didn’t like that I was balding. Unfortunately genetics took that off the table and I learned to accept reality and start shaving my head. I guess I could have tried a bunch of expensive interventions but just decided accepting that I’ve gone bald is the healthiest and most economical alternative. It seems that bald + beard has become semi fashionable recently, so I guess that’s a plus. I assume it’ll go out of fashion at some point again so I’ll be back to being unfashionable then. We all struggle to be comfortable in our own skins. Some things we can change, others we cannot. I’m not sure OP’s beard can be encouraged to do much other than be a goatee and mustache. Might be better to focus energy somewhere else. |
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Originally Posted By CharlesRyan: Prescription testosterone can and usually does result in a thicker beard (and back/neck hair). Maybe have your T levels checked and see if the Dr will prescribe you injectable testosterone? I considered that. But the doctor says I’m perfectly normal save high cholesterol |
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Originally Posted By gotuonpaper: I had that problem...a long time ago. What worked for me was to literally grow it until it was a patchy long scraggly mess. You'll take crap from your friends and lady friend/SO, but its worth it. Then...wait for it. Shave it clean and start all over. Grow it out to the same mess and shave it all off again. Each time it will grow back a little more in the patchy places until you have a full beard. My Dad and Brother neither one can grow a beard for shit because they have no patience. I have a full nice beard that I trim and shape anyway I want when I feel like it. You may be on to something here. I didn’t really shave at all till I joined the navy. And then all I would really shave was my chin and under my nose. I started shaved much more often last year because I was excited about using DE razors. And now I have a beard. A bad beard, but it’s there. I may just go with this and let the cards fall where they may. |
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Originally Posted By RedForeman: I think clean shaven is a better look on you, to be honest. If you insist on a beard, then you can definitely do better. Years ago I would go through those cheap beard trimmers about once a year. Then one day at the barber, I paid for a beard trim and paid attention to how she did it and what kind of clipper she used, instead of just watching her tits like usual. It was a learning experience, an option you might consider. So +1 on getting some good clippers. Not at the dollar store or walmart, find a beauty supply where actual barbers buy their tools at. Choose one that plugs in the wall for power. A smallish one with a 1-1/2 to 2" wide blade is perfect. Battery power usually means cheap junk. Get a bottle of clipper oil with it too. After you're done and got all the whiskers cleaned out, you need to oil the blades before you put it away. You'll now be able to get a perfect line on your top lip, perfect edges, and with the right guard get the rest of it a uniform length. I usually trim up once a week, then shave the blank areas with a safety razor. The other benefit to buying a pro quality clipper is it will last a lifetime. I've had mine for over 20 yrs and it's good as new. $37 at Sally Beauty Supply back then, so probably closer to $100 now In my opinion you don't have enough beard to bother with any magical beard conditioners. It's just going to complicate grooming, and won't really do anything for you unless you're able to grow it out longer than an inch. If you want to try something anyway, get a bottle of leave-in conditioner wherever you buy shampoo and the like. I use a Fructis product that smells good, comes in a 10 oz bottle, costs under $4 and lasts half a year for my beard that reaches my belt buckle. It's the consistency of hand lotion. Get your fingertips wet with it and rub it in, then run a comb thru it. Last choice, you could always go with some face tats to draw attention away from the shrub on your chin. Maybe even get a tattoo beard, then you'd never have to trim it. #Winning! Face tats? BRILLIANT !!!!! |
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Originally Posted By 10999: My wife says you look best clean shaven, that in the first pictures you look horrible, and that the short beard is better than the first. So here’s clean, and my other glasses. Which I dislike. I’ve only been wearing glasses for like a year and a half. I really only need them when playing videos games or reading at a distance.  I like my raybans better. |
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Originally Posted By Krashdog: So here’s clean, and my other glasses. Which I dislike. I’ve only been wearing glasses for like a year and a half. I really only need them when playing videos games or reading at a distance. https://i.postimg.cc/QxnXgY1x/0-C5-FFEB4-782-F-4638-9788-FADE28-E17013.jpg I like my raybans better. https://postimg.cc/sQqqRQ7j These glasses look better on you than the others. |
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I’ve got a baby face too. I’ve tried a scraggly beard and patchy goatee. They both wind up looking goofy, plus I just don’t care for much facial hair. The best thing I’ve found is to shave once a week on Saturday night or Sunday morning. I deal with looking like a teenager for a couple of days, then I get a good level of Marlboro manly scruff for a day or two, then I look like a hobo vagrant until I break down and shave again. OP, I’d say the clean look suits you more than a beard. |
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Originally Posted By Krashdog: You may be on to something here. I didn’t really shave at all till I joined the navy. And then all I would really shave was my chin and under my nose. I started shaved much more often last year because I was excited about using DE razors. And now I have a beard. A bad beard, but it’s there. I may just go with this and let the cards fall where they may. Originally Posted By Krashdog: Originally Posted By gotuonpaper: I had that problem...a long time ago. What worked for me was to literally grow it until it was a patchy long scraggly mess. You'll take crap from your friends and lady friend/SO, but its worth it. Then...wait for it. Shave it clean and start all over. Grow it out to the same mess and shave it all off again. Each time it will grow back a little more in the patchy places until you have a full beard. My Dad and Brother neither one can grow a beard for shit because they have no patience. I have a full nice beard that I trim and shape anyway I want when I feel like it. You may be on to something here. I didn’t really shave at all till I joined the navy. And then all I would really shave was my chin and under my nose. I started shaved much more often last year because I was excited about using DE razors. And now I have a beard. A bad beard, but it’s there. I may just go with this and let the cards fall where they may. I’m currently playing with different lengths and shapes but everything I’ve done would grow back in a week or two if left alone but the grow out and shave method worked well for me. The circles are I trimmed and shaved earlier this week just to see what it looks like. Like I said once it starts coming in regularly, then you can mess with length and shape etc to personalize it. Attached File |
Every normal man, at times, must be tempted to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.