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Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Who said anything about single parents? We are talking about single moms. Shit happens (in my case, my ex went full retard and had an affair), but it doesn't mean that person isn't worth a try. From this sentence alone I can tell your ex isn't worth a try. I get it, ARF is full of super models and 10/10 rich people, but in the real world.. well.. Thankfully I met a woman who isn't as closed minded as most people here, and we have been hitting it off well. Has I listened to most people here, I would have never tried dating...  Women and men do not assess mate value the same way. Being a single dad increases your percieved mate value. |
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Don't get involved with the kid, AT ALL, until you're sure she's marriage material. If she's not, then don't hurt the kid with another guy in his life that ain't gonna be around. That's the first part you should do. Once it gets serious and you think she's the one, then that's another bridge. |
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Quoted: A page back you said.... .....He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. Quoted: Quoted: I appreciate all the input so far, aside from getting called a simp. I didn’t go into this thinking it would lead me to where we are now, it all just kind of happened. I’m mid 30’s never married and no kids. She’s divorced from the baby daddy but he is still around a lot. I kinda figured I’d just roll with it and see what happens. No plans to move in together or get married but curious to see where it goes. Mostly looking for stories or similar situations and how it worked out. A page back you said.... .....He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. This is a major red flag. Let me guess... they are still married. |
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Quoted: I find it amusing that every woman is a whore in GD divorce threads, and in single mom threads the kid's father is referred to "baby daddy", an asshole for being involved in his children's life (which usually means holding the ex-wife accountable to the divorce decree). Now we should "plumb up" the kid's real father. I love you GD.  Meh, I guess it depends. When the wife and I first got together, it was REALLY casual. Both of us had been though nasty divorces and weren't really keen on getting hitched again. Once we decided to get more serious, she an her daughter moved in. Her ex called and texted frequently, picking fights with her, probably because he was pissed she moved in, knowing him. I told her I didn't care HOW much they fight, but if he brought it to MY property, he'd get one chance to leave upright and he could take that any way he pleased. Dunno if she ever did tell him that or not, but he was my "buddy" soon after. He told her once that he wasn't comfortable with her living in a house with "so many guns". She laughed and told him she can handle one better than he ever could. I told her I respect his feelings on the matter and when she lives under his roof, he can dictate how many weapons were around. I dunno if that's "pluming up" on the guy, but I DID make it clear that I'm not putting up with his shit. Of course, it didn't help his cause that he used to "tune her up", when they were married. According to MY daughter, he still tunes up his current wife and has done so in front of her and his other kids. I was "enthused" about that, to be honest. Nothing like having the sit the kid down, to make sure she understands that's unacceptable behavior. As far as the other stuff here goes, he was encouraged to have an active part in his daughter's life and chose not to, for the better part of a decade. Even when she would go stay with him and his wife/GF, he'd rarely spend time with her. Most of the time, he wouldn't show up and we'd have a heartbroken 4 year old on our hands. By the time she was 10, she didn't want to go see him anymore and we had to convince her to go. By 12, we were telling her she was old enough to make her own decisions about going to see him. By 14, he couldn't guilt her into it anymore. We could, and did, so she could see her siblings. She doesn't like the guy and was PISSED when he showed up for her knee surgery, a few years back. When they were putting the nerve block in, the wife was getting nauseous and she [the kid] asked for "dad". When he stood up, she looked at him and told him to "sit down". I went back to sit with her. He made his bed. She's been calling me "dad" for over a decade, not because she's been encouraged to or anything like that. I assume because I've been raising her as my own for over a 13 years now. I've NEVER heard "You're not my real dad". Not once. Two years ago, when the wife asked what she want's for Christmas, she said she wanted her name changed. So January 5, 2019, we had our day in court and it became legal. With a LOT of shit in life, what you get out of something depends a lot on what you put into it. I went into this with the mindset that if I was going to go through the hassle of getting married again, I was going to learn from the shit I did wrong the first time. It hasn't been perfect, but it's worked out pretty well. I'd do it over again without hesitation, even though my life WOULD have probably been easier without having a family. This will be my last wife, though. If something happens to her or we get divorced, I'm going to figure I was meant to be alone. That isn't from any regrets or anything like that, though. |
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Quoted: Mine worked out. Have a daughter that I adopted and she loves me like she was my own blood. The biological father appeared once and asked to see her when she was 5 years old. Haven't seen nor heard from him after that brief meeting he and her had with her mother present. Don't worry about what other people/idiots say. They don't know you or your girlfriend and are totally clueless because the only head that they use in general is the little one that has no brain. The only thing to remember, their child is their blood and you are not. So, don't expect to be #1 in the relationship, which is as it should be. If the roles were reversed would you put your girlfriend over your blood child that lives with you depends on you? Why would you get into a relationship with a woman who won't put you number 1 in her life is the real question... |
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Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Shit happens (in my case, my ex went full retard and had an affair), but it doesn't mean that person isn't worth a try. I get it, ARF is full of super models and 10/10 rich people, but in the real world.. well.. Thankfully I met a woman who isn't as closed minded as most people here, and we have been hitting it off well. Has I listened to most people here, I would have never tried dating... I hear you, but you have to admit there's a lot of potential for it to go VERY bad. Also, I'm a single father too and in the exact situation you were in with the ex. It's totally different for dudes. |
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I’m not saying it can’t work , but it will be hard. There are a few people I have met that have lived it from both ends. Being the kid and being the step dad. My wife had three kids that when we met were 15, 14 , and 9. They were less than pleased with me and worked to destroy our relationship. I tried to find common ground , things to do together , to try and build some kind of bond. Now I’m not saying I was the most awesome about it , but I did try. They were and still are horrible children that are selfish , self centered , almost criminal in one , and fucked up in the head. Good luck , it can work as long as she allows it. |
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Quoted: Good job JR G men for catching my mistake. They were never married, I said divorced when I should have said broken up. Junior G men? Dude you're the one with a very obviously inconsistent story. It's fine if you used the wrong word but don't blame us for asking you wtf is going on when it was your mistake in the first place. |
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Quoted: Junior G men? Dude you're the one with a very obviously inconsistent story. It's fine if you used the wrong word but don't blame us for asking you wtf is going on when it was your mistake in the first place. True but getting called a troll and such from misspeaking one time, cmon |
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Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Shit happens (in my case, my ex went full retard and had an affair), but it doesn't mean that person isn't worth a try. I get it, ARF is full of super models and 10/10 rich people, but in the real world.. well.. Thankfully I met a woman who isn't as closed minded as most people here, and we have been hitting it off well. Has I listened to most people here, I would have never tried dating... Dude, you're a single father...not a single mother. Apples to oranges. |
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Quoted: She’s pretty awesome. Sexy, funny, educated, good job, independent. The kid is sweet, 3 year old boy. I’ve spent time with both of them but she’s been lying to the baby daddy about me as they are only recently separated. He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. Apology for sounding like a crass, insensitive prick but it sounds like you've already made up your mind. So why ask for advice? You know that little voice in your head that you keep ignoring because she is hot, awesome, and out of your league? You will ignore that little voice until you can no longer do so. She's keeping you a secret from her ex. Not even an ex husband, but an ex boyfriend. You going to hide in a closet when he comes over to pick up his son? How much drama and bullshit are you willing to tolerate when this little boy mentions that you and mommy took him out for ice cream yesterday? She's already keeping you a secret - hardly a normal course of action from someone who professed her love for you. Again, I'm not trying to sound like a toxic prick, but there is no fucking way I'd allow myself to be subjugated like that. It's your life brother, but you need a come to Jesus talk about her (and your) expectations in this relationship. You are already well beyond the stage of hit it, quit it, run it through all the gears, neutral slam it, and leave her dripping fluid in section 8 housing where you found her. You need to get this sorted out before her son gets confused about his new "uncle" that he has to keep secret from Dad. That's a really shitty position for a little kid to be in. I can't help but think of that line from Jack Reacher: Remember, you wanted this. |
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Quoted: I appreciate all the input so far, aside from getting called a simp. I didn’t go into this thinking it would lead me to where we are now, it all just kind of happened. I’m mid 30’s never married and no kids. She’s divorced from the baby daddy but he is still around a lot. I kinda figured I’d just roll with it and see what happens. No plans to move in together or get married but curious to see where it goes. Mostly looking for stories or similar situations and how it worked out. And when it fails, what of all the time and money invested? Just in what you have shared, all sorts of red flags are getting thrown..I have been down that road, it is full of heart ache and hate...run, as far and as fast as you can...My bet, your inner self is screaming run already, hence the reason for the thread, trying to justify the mistake you want to make...run already, save yourself for a woman worthy of the effort....
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1st GF didn't have custody, her daughter lives 200 miles away so she only saw her a few times a year. 2nd GF had ex husband who moved out of state, was not involved. 3rd GF (now wife) had guy bail very early. Zero involvement. I showed up when the boy was 8, now he's 19. DON'T DO IT !!!!!!!!!!! I can't imagine how big a pain in the ass it is with a babby dady around. Note.... The above were the ones I dated who had kids. |
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Quoted: Are we talking trailer park, neck tattoos baby daddy or white collar baby daddy? Hugeeeee difference and important factor. I’ve been with single moms that are classy, educated, attractive, etc. and I’m good terms with their classy ex. I’ve also ‘been with’ girls with more baggage than you can stuff in a U-Haul that I wouldn’t even for a second consider having a relationship with. There are single moms I’d absolutely date in a serious sense, and I have a pretty strong bias against single moms. Depends on which one we are talking about. |
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Quoted: True but getting called a troll and such from misspeaking one time, cmon Quoted: Quoted: Junior G men? Dude you're the one with a very obviously inconsistent story. It's fine if you used the wrong word but don't blame us for asking you wtf is going on when it was your mistake in the first place. True but getting called a troll and such from misspeaking one time, cmon People troll here all the time, and there's a huge difference in "never put a ring on it" to "they got divorced". Whatever, just don't blame us for wondering if you're a troll over it. |
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Quoted: Dude, you're a single father...not a single mother. Apples to oranges. Quoted: Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Shit happens (in my case, my ex went full retard and had an affair), but it doesn't mean that person isn't worth a try. I get it, ARF is full of super models and 10/10 rich people, but in the real world.. well.. Thankfully I met a woman who isn't as closed minded as most people here, and we have been hitting it off well. Has I listened to most people here, I would have never tried dating... Dude, you're a single father...not a single mother. Apples to oranges. Also the rarity factor due to custody. If a guy dates a woman with custody, who knows? If a girl dates a guy with custody, she's assured he's solid and the ex is crazy. Guys rarely get custody. |
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Quoted: Also the rarity factor due to custody. If a guy dates a woman with custody, who knows? If a girl dates a guy with custody, she's assured he's solid and the ex is crazy. Guys rarely get custody. Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Shit happens (in my case, my ex went full retard and had an affair), but it doesn't mean that person isn't worth a try. I get it, ARF is full of super models and 10/10 rich people, but in the real world.. well.. Thankfully I met a woman who isn't as closed minded as most people here, and we have been hitting it off well. Has I listened to most people here, I would have never tried dating... Dude, you're a single father...not a single mother. Apples to oranges. Also the rarity factor due to custody. If a guy dates a woman with custody, who knows? If a girl dates a guy with custody, she's assured he's solid and the ex is crazy. Guys rarely get custody. True, but hell even 50-50 custody (like in my case) tells a woman a few things: 1. the guy must have a decent and flexible job 2. He fought for, or at least didn't give up his parental rights 3. 50% of the time he's free to date with no restrictions 4. Plus everything you mentioned. I had no problem finding quality women as a single dad. |
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Quoted: True, but hell even 50-50 custody (like in my case) tells a woman a few things: 1. the guy must have a decent and flexible job 2. He fought for, or at least didn't give up his parental rights 3. 50% of the time he's free to date with no restrictions 4. Plus everything you mentioned. I had no problem finding quality women as a single dad. Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Shit happens (in my case, my ex went full retard and had an affair), but it doesn't mean that person isn't worth a try. I get it, ARF is full of super models and 10/10 rich people, but in the real world.. well.. Thankfully I met a woman who isn't as closed minded as most people here, and we have been hitting it off well. Has I listened to most people here, I would have never tried dating... Dude, you're a single father...not a single mother. Apples to oranges. Also the rarity factor due to custody. If a guy dates a woman with custody, who knows? If a girl dates a guy with custody, she's assured he's solid and the ex is crazy. Guys rarely get custody. True, but hell even 50-50 custody (like in my case) tells a woman a few things: 1. the guy must have a decent and flexible job 2. He fought for, or at least didn't give up his parental rights 3. 50% of the time he's free to date with no restrictions 4. Plus everything you mentioned. I had no problem finding quality women as a single dad. Wouldn't expect as such. Known two guys who had to spend THOUSANDS to get joint custody. Any guy that has sole custody? Yeah he's good to go. Both divorces were not even that ugly. It was just fights over where the kid(s) would live and the days they'd see them. It's painful watching good guys fight to be a part of their kids lives, and it is a fight. Luckily, both won 50-50 but it was not easy for either of them. They both REALLY love their kids, honestly and truly. |
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Quoted: She’s pretty awesome. Sexy, funny, educated, good job, independent. The kid is sweet, 3 year old boy. I’ve spent time with both of them but she’s been lying to the baby daddy about me as they are only recently separated. He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. Recently separated and she's already telling you she loves you? Dude..... ETA: I see you said 6 months. But still...dude.... |
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First question is why is she in this situation in the first place? Can you deal with someone else's kid's and have to deal with a father who might be good or bad involved with the mother too? You will have to make the call. My nephew did it and he is the meekest person you will ever see. Ask yourself can you deal with the baggage that will be there. My thought is run away kicking and screaming for me. You might have a different mind set and idea's on life. Good luck. |
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If this is a casual dating situation in the initial phases, know that the child is ALWAYS going to come first, and rightly so. Understand she may not have the availability you need or want. If she doesn't get along with the child's father and bad mouths him either to you and/or the child EJECT NOW. That is a #1 drama red flag and should NOT be ignored. Even if the father is in fact a shit bag, the drama that is SURE to come is not worth it. It wont get better, and if the father is really a dirt bag, will absolutely without a doubt cause long term issues. If this is a serious relationship that is progressing long term, and the father is involved in the child's life, it really all depends on your personality and overall confidence and emotional maturity. If you have kids of your own then you can conceptualize that you are not the child's father and dont need to assert yourself, trying to assume that role. Parenting is between her and the child's father, the only role you play is an advisor and emotional support for her and the child, only injecting your opinion when asked. Your relationship with the child's father should be friendly and cordial, but thats it. If you find yourself needing to assert "dominance", puff your chest etc., then you are a dirt bag, immature and if she's worth a shit as a mother, will pick up on it and should boot your ass to the curb. You will have an opportunity to assume a very special and unique relationship with the child, as a friend, a mentor etc., embrace that and dont try to be something you will never be, i.e. the child's father. Also realize that she may parent differently than you would, she may not enforce rules, chores, etc. and that can be enough to drive you crazy, especially if you are living together full time. Expect some seriously uncomfortable conversations, filled with defensiveness etc. Overall it can be a great and rewarding experience, but it is not without pitfalls, and unexpected emotions and situations. Now if the father is not involved at all, like MIA of dead, this is a completely different situation, and it is your responsibility to not get seriously involved if you arent in it for the long term (marriage), as the child will form a parental bond with you (age dependent). Also something to look out for is if she pushes a fatherly role on to you without letting it grow organically, this is an absolute EJECT. Speaking from direct and long-term experience. Just some things to think about |
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I didn't read all of the replies but my wife has a kid from a previous marriage, we've been married 6 years and 2 other kids. Best thing we did was I didn't meet my step son for 6 months into it, that's a rule we both agreed on right off the bat. We got to know each other and our relationship and there was no potential for someone getting too attached too soon |
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I was dating a lady in Charlotte NC. She had a couple kids and I got to meet the dad. At first I was WTF this is going to suck. Hell, I talked with the dude for like 2 hours. He was cool as shit, was into salt water fishing and guns. When he left I told her "Yeah old so in so is cool as shit" Then I got to thinking... maybe she is the fucking loon, Yup she sure was 
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Quoted: There is no sincerity like the sincerity of a single mother when the rent is due. Attached File |
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Quoted: Good job JR G men for catching my mistake. They were never married, I said divorced when I should have said broken up. So she has been lying to the ex-guy, about the new boyfriend that she "loves"? What makes you think that she has not, will not lye to you? There has been a couple great examples of how this can work out, and a lot of advice telling you to run. I would not make this serious, not because she has a kid. Because she isn't honest. |
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Quoted: You need some basic instruction. Happy to help. No problem. Dating a single mom puts you on the road to Cuckdom. No thank you. Do not go there. You are looking for a quality woman? Don't look there. A never ending series of bad life choices is all you will find. Run.. Don't walk. 1st Lesson HERE: https://www.premiumtom.com/library/tom-talks/2019-11-24 Single Mothers Submitted by [email protected] on Sun, 11/24/2019 - 20:18 Leykis 101 - Don't date single mothers!!! Thank you professor. 32 and no kids, never married, no divorce attorney, no child support. Good Life, No Wife, No Kidz!!! I am proud to say I have never dated a single mom. HERE:https://www.premiumtom.com/library/tom-talks/2019-11-24 GENTS, Once upon a time a man asked a beautiful woman, Will you marry me? The woman said NO. And the Man lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER. AND rode motorcycles, AND raced cars AND traveled the world AND went to bars AND progressed his job AND dated women half his age AND drank malt whiskey AND craft beer, AND never heard moaning or complaints in his own castle AND went to rock concerts AND kept his house AND his friends AND his favorite jeans and NEVER got cheated on while working AND had TONS of $$$ cash & zero DEBT AND left the toilet seat up. THE END Oh, and one more thing. Woman get College degrees more than men. Both undergrad and grad. Woman in the professional world make as much if not more than men in my experience and I did well. There is a shortage of men, not woman. Let me qualify that. Eligible, employed, no illegal drugs, no felony record respectable men. WE are the shortage, NOT THEM. NEVER pay for a first date. She is not a virgin. Her father is not giving you a dowry. Those days are long over. The reality is their BEHAVIOR and life choices are WORSE than men have ever been. HERE: https://www.premiumtom.com/library/leykis-101/2019-11-14 WHY MEN SHOULDN'T EVER PAY FOR A FIRST DATE .. Seriously? You’re quoting Tom Leykis for dating advice? That guys a complete piece of shit liberal anti trump retard who looks like a child molester. |
| I married a woman with a child that she had young. We have been together 18 years, wouldn’t trade it for anything. That being said, kids dad was not in his life until later on. We had a rough time until he got out in the world and realized why I did things the way I did. Now he’s 23 and appreciates having a dad that cared enough to teach him things. My best friend married a gal with a kid because she was hot, his life is a huge mess now. YMMV. |
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Don't do it. You'll never be #1 in the relationship as her kids from the other marriage will be #1. Even after they leave the home; you'll still be #2 or #3. A husband/significant other should always be #1. Kids come and go. Your spouse is forever. You'll never be #1 OP and you deserve to be #1. Quoted: Quoted: Mom is smoking hot, almost out of my league. Kid is 3 and pretty chill. Dad is a fucking asshole but white collar and not trashy. He's local and they stay in close contact. To clarify we've been seeing each other and going out for about 6 months. She doesn't need me for money as she works a good job but she has already told me she loves me. What she "loves" is your stability and your willingness to settle for used, high-maintenance goods with lots of baggage. Don't ever forget that. If she were truly "out of your league"; you wouldn't stand a chance with this woman if she weren't burdened with an ex + kids. You wouldn't even get a second glance in a social situation. Divorcees are used goods and they know it. They want stability and a partner because their main partner bailed (probably for good reasons). |
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Quoted: And shocking nobody, men that love their children and are willing to fight for them are often found to be highly desirable to many women... Quoted: Quoted: They both REALLY love their kids, honestly and truly. And shocking nobody, men that love their children and are willing to fight for them are often found to be highly desirable to many women... Totally. Absolutely. Just saying what you know. It was a trial for them. (Pun intended) |
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Quoted: Also the rarity factor due to custody. If a guy dates a woman with custody, who knows? If a girl dates a guy with custody, she's assured he's solid and the ex is crazy. Guys rarely get custody. Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Man alive.. some of the replies in this thread.. As a single father, it blows my mind to see people group single parents into this one group of unlovable and undeserving people. Shit happens (in my case, my ex went full retard and had an affair), but it doesn't mean that person isn't worth a try. I get it, ARF is full of super models and 10/10 rich people, but in the real world.. well.. Thankfully I met a woman who isn't as closed minded as most people here, and we have been hitting it off well. Has I listened to most people here, I would have never tried dating... Dude, you're a single father...not a single mother. Apples to oranges. Also the rarity factor due to custody. If a guy dates a woman with custody, who knows? If a girl dates a guy with custody, she's assured he's solid and the ex is crazy. Guys rarely get custody. good point 
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