[ARCHIVED THREAD] - My wife filed for divorce (Page 2 of 3)
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Quoted: OP, God has been kind to both of us. I say that not because I have had an easy life, because I have had a horribly difficult life at times. When I was 12 I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor. It was not a good thing. My father died when I was 15 and my mother died when I was 19. I chose poorly (well, we both did) when it came to marriage and spent 30 years in a difficult to say the least and a self-destructive relationship. My daughter was molested as a 12 year old. My son killed himself at 17. I held his lifeless body in my arms. My wife abandoned me and our surviving son while he was still in HS. My physical and mental health have been horrible at times to the point of suicidal ideation. I failed in several careers and was fired 3 or 4 times. I hit the point where I just wanted to get old enough to die. I was covered with bleeding plaques from my scalp to under my toe nails. I bled every time I went to the toilet. My brother pushed me one last time to find some good doctors and I did. I stopped hating myself inside and out, took dance lessons, and began to enjoy life. I began to forgive those I felt had wronged me. I even forgave myself. And then God brought Mrs Rabinowitz and me together. The past 9 1/2 years have been the best of my adult life. We are very, very happy. Our life together is very good. We aren’t born entitled to a good life. I certainly wasn’t. After all my poor choices, weaknesses, and failings, God gave me a life I did not deserve and it has been good. Life is hard. It can be soul-crushing. But I knew that God is sovereign over creation and I am a part of that. For His reasons I am doing well. I had given up on everything.....everything except a very bruised belief that God is good and that I served a purpose for Him. God is kind even to the worst sinners. Yessir John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. |
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I understand OP. My wife and I were staring into the deep dark void that is divorce. It would have destroyed a 7 year bond and would have forever changed the lives of our 2 kids. Then about a month ago I truly opened myself up to God. We’ve always been church going faithful people, but I never really allowed myself to fully embrace Him. By chance I found and read a book called “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge and I discovered that I have been wounded many times over in my life. Most men (and women) have had their spirit wounded. Some of the wounds are inflicted by others and some are self inflicted. Over time those wounds developed callouses and prevented me from being truly intimate with God and ultimately with my wife. I simply stopped caring about her and wouldn’t let her in. I’m happy to say that we are definitely on the mends and the past several weeks we’ve fallen in love with each other all over again. |
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There comes a time in some marriages where you realize it's all been a huge waste of energy. You're profoundly different people and there's no fixing the issues. I hung on for TEN years after that... If you're reading this and wondering about your future. Don't be me. It's that simple. |
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Quoted: I understand OP. My wife and I were staring into the deep dark void that is divorce. It would have destroyed a 7 year bond and would have forever changed the lives of our 2 kids. Then about a month ago I truly opened myself up to God. We've always been church going faithful people, but I never really allowed myself to fully embrace Him. By chance I found and read a book called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge and I discovered that I have been wounded many times over in my life. Most men (and women) have had their spirit wounded. Some of the wounds are inflicted by others and some are self inflicted. Over time those wounds developed callouses and prevented me from being truly intimate with God and ultimately with my wife. I simply stopped caring about her and wouldn't let her in. I'm happy to say that we are definitely on the mends and the past several weeks we've fallen in love with each other all over again. |
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Thanks for this, OP. Marriage isn’t always easy, there have been days when I think it’s one of the hardest things I’ll do in my life. But much more often, I feel blessed to have someone strong and faithful by my side through this crazy journey. Glad to hear you stuck it out. |
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Good for you and your family, OP. Blessings. I am working through some marital issues and hope things will work out. Especially since we've spent the better part of 30 plus years together and have a child between us. It looked bad at the ending of 2019 but we've been working things out since the beginning of the year. All the best, OP. |
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Quoted: Hopefully you can forgive me for forgoing the gory details, but as far as overcoming, we began moving in the right direction by attending a program called Re-engage. It was hosted by a megachurch near us. I was providing absolutely no spiritual leadership in my household at the time, and in the absence of that, I believe that my wife truly felt like she was doing the right thing by filing. As I started to understand that I could never exercise right leadership without putting myself under the authority of a benevolent, loving, sovereign God, things began to fall in line. When I learned that I could trust him, and that he is good, I started to let go of the lie that I was ultimately in charge. I began to comprehend the example of Jesus as servant/leader. The story of the faith of the Centurion helped me immensely. Maybe this all comes off as churchy, but for me, it is reality. It was the "natural man" governing my family, a man who knew very little about spiritual things, and who, as I said, was blindly leading the household toward destruction. Plus, Marriage Bootcamp cost $2,000, and I'm skeptical (especially now) that it would've helped. The church charged us 50 bucks for the Re-engage study guide, and they probably would've just given it to us  Awesome testimony, OP. Above read like a real life example of the end scene from Courageous.  Final Speech from, "Courageous" |
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Quoted: In 2013. The fact that she made it formal is moot; in spirit I had tacitly sued her. It was mutual. We are still married today. I want to keep this simple, and drop one observation: if we had gone through with the divorce, the experiences we've had as a family over the past seven years would have never been. I can see, in pictures and in memory, that which I would've lost. When I look at these vacation pics from 2017, it's a blow of sweet nostalgia and gratitude. I've waited seven years to post this, and now it seems that I should say more. A lot more. But I have no interest in trying to convince anyone of anything. I do want to glorify God, because I believe that these images are evidence of his unmerited favor toward us, and proof that what he says in his word is true. So be it that a near divorce brought about that revelation; I was a blind man leading my family into a ditch, and my pride was such that that's what it took to open my eyes. https://www.AR15.Com/media/mediaFiles/244128/FB_IMG_1590638993135_jpg-1543674.JPG https://www.AR15.Com/media/mediaFiles/244128/FB_IMG_1590638998453_jpg-1543676.JPG Amen brother! Next month makes 24 years for me and my wife. Typical ups and downs just like everyone else and it takes work. We have two beautiful daughters and we couldn't be happier! |
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Quoted: Reconciliation and restoration. That's wonderful. Congratulations on not contributing to the statistics. My mom threatened to divorce my dad the year I started high school. He rolled over and continued putting up with her crazy shit. They stayed together for another eight years until she finally filed on him the summer after I finished college. Later in life he would confide in me that he had considered divorcing her before I was even conceived. They were miserable their whole 34 years together, and made mine and my sister's childhoods miserable. But they did it "for the kids." All I'm saying is that stories of marital reconciliation are not always happy. Sometimes they insure a lot of continued suffering of the children involved. |
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Quoted: Awesome testimony, OP. Above read like a real life example of the end scene from Courageous.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKB66_kSeIUQuoted: Quoted: Hopefully you can forgive me for forgoing the gory details, but as far as overcoming, we began moving in the right direction by attending a program called Re-engage. It was hosted by a megachurch near us. I was providing absolutely no spiritual leadership in my household at the time, and in the absence of that, I believe that my wife truly felt like she was doing the right thing by filing. As I started to understand that I could never exercise right leadership without putting myself under the authority of a benevolent, loving, sovereign God, things began to fall in line. When I learned that I could trust him, and that he is good, I started to let go of the lie that I was ultimately in charge. I began to comprehend the example of Jesus as servant/leader. The story of the faith of the Centurion helped me immensely. Maybe this all comes off as churchy, but for me, it is reality. It was the "natural man" governing my family, a man who knew very little about spiritual things, and who, as I said, was blindly leading the household toward destruction. Plus, Marriage Bootcamp cost $2,000, and I'm skeptical (especially now) that it would've helped. The church charged us 50 bucks for the Re-engage study guide, and they probably would've just given it to us Awesome testimony, OP. Above read like a real life example of the end scene from Courageous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKB66_kSeIU |