[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Child support wasted (Page 2 of 5)
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I paid a large pile of money to my Ex. It helps if you realize and accept that it's none of you buisness what she spends it on.
She used to send them to my house wearing shit clothes and shoes. So not only did I pay child support but on top of that I bought their clothes, shoes and paid for school sports and other things that came up. I've known some guys that let child support consume their entire life. Sad to see really. |
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He got arrested as a sex offender? I think I missed something. He was the only child support warrant enforced ...during the sex offender round-up. Which was rich. Inquirers after the fact, lead to a police chief saying he didn't know how such a case was involved in the round-up. My friend was dragged out of his home, with no explanation, but his neighbors, and friends, later that night saw on the news that a major "sex offender" round-up had occurred. His ex's lover contributed a sizable amount of money to a crime prevention program the month before. |
| For the last several years of her life, I was my mother's legal guardian charged with, among other things, managing her financial affairs. Annually, I was required to submit an accounting to the county of her income and expenses, with bank statements and receipts. I can think of no compelling reason why custodial parents receiving child support should not be required to do the same. |
| Texas also gives a dad visitation of a summer month out of the year and weekends and Christmas break, yet the mothers keep the money for that time. So you practically pay double for that time. I've always said if you can prove you paid your child support and are not behind, you should get some type of tax break! |
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I paid over a grand a month for a few years, when the state tried to throw charges at me and put me out of work it took more than 2 years to get them to modify my support.
The ex doesn't need my money, and I've never been opposed to paying something, but something reasonable. It took them trying to convict me of contempt for over a year before they considered reducing my child support. They've backed me up 50k after they put me out of work. (passed 2 breathalyzers and still tried to hit me with a dui. They held me in custody for over an hour then did a blood draw, by that time my system absorbed more alcohol and they got the result they wanted. Couldn't afford to fight it and had to take diversion, which they lied from start to finish on it, and even though I did everything I was supposed to, they still fukked me, but thats another story.) I filed 2 motions to modify on my own, the first one showed up to the first hearing, the state trustee made a procedural mistake in court (presented me with my ex's w-2 in court vs prior to court) and the judge continued it... I showed up at the next date and they told me it was dismissed because I didn't show up. I showed them the paper that had the date and time on it they gave me, they told me it was moved up. (have you ever heard of a court date being moved up????) so I had to re-file the motion and it sat ignored by my ex's atty, and the court for almost 2 years while they were trying to lock me up for 6 months. Everytime back in the beginning, when I would borrow money to take her to court to get more than just every other weekend, and the child support reasonable, they would up my child support 100... I guess they figured if I could show up to court with an atty, I must still have some disposable income... 3 times of trying that and I had to give up. To this day I still haven't figured this out. I caught her with another man in my house, and I'm the asshole. I've finally got it down to to just over 500, but thats until the state decides to "review" it and up it just like they did my brother. BUT they'll never review it when the payer loses income, since the state gets a cut of the child support it collects, they are motivated to ruin fathers/payers. 5 more years, and the state of Kansas can kiss my ass goodbye. |
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She already realizes it, because she asked me once if I paid child support. I said yes, and left it at that. She thought about it and asked me what her mom spent the money on, since I pay for everything and mom lives with her own parents. She's so mature in some ways, and she said she knows her mom's lifestyle is going to implode. She also said she's worried her mom will try to sponge off her as an adult. Quoted:
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It stands to reason that if ex-wife's lifestyle changes when child support ends, then the ex-wife has been stealing from the child. Hopefully, your child will come to this realization. She's so mature in some ways, and she said she knows her mom's lifestyle is going to implode. She also said she's worried her mom will try to sponge off her as an adult. Friends who watched their divorced mothers blow everything were hit up the exact same way. |
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I took the ex wife to court for full custody of my now teenage son a few years ago, and won. She never bothered to show up to court. Now, she's only allowed two hours a month of supervised visitation.
My 16 y/o son attends a great high school, we live in a nice area, and she ekes out an existance in a shithole hovel in east Texas. |
A friend of mine married very VERY poorly when she was young. Her ex is a low-life with several kids by several women. He owed the equivalent of a small cheap house in child support and she forgave him all that because she didn't want her son to see his dad in jail. The ex acts like being forgiven all that debt is somehow his due while she scrimps and saves to support her kid and he continues to contribute little. It goes on and on. Horrible situation. 
Whether it be a loser deadbeat ex-wife or ex-husband, they all suck. They screw up the kids. 
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| Wow! Four months ago I was done paying sixteen years of support on three, in Oregon you pay til 22 if they are in school, but if you're not divorced you only pay till 18. So the answer to an earlier thread was I hadn't bought a gun in 16 years. I need a drink or two to talk about it, but after everything I went through she poisioned my kids to the point that one of them called me a deadbeat and I asked them to leave my house and they haven't spoken to me since. Debt paid. Three Girls with advanced degrees and not one with any common sense. Some guys get it, i did all the right things and that bitch still managed to fuck me again, it's all about the dollar..... |
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It could be worse. I became interested in the family courts after I saw a friend of mine destroyed. We're not talking your average divorcee, this guy was a "winner". ...until he wasn't. He divorced in the early 00's, gave up his primary home to his ex, including all furniture and toys. ...no problem. He also paid for his kids private school tuition, healthcare, and paid a monthly child support payment after taxes, that is more than most arfommers make. That went on for many years, then 2007-2009 brought some challenges. The guy had a string of "business setbacks", you might say a perfect storm of bad luck. But, he maintained his luxury child support. He tightened his belt. Sold his property, sold his toys, liquidated his investments. Finally, when things weren't turning around for him, he tried to negotiate with his ex. She wouldn't have it, so she, and her attorney, took their "private divorce"...to the government. Child Support Services got involved. Though he provided his children with a home, that he had paid for, and that he maintained enough income stream to provide for their the utilities, food, their clothes and insurance, he couldn't quit float the $45k annual private school tuition. ...and for that his house was surrounded in a multi-agency task force, he was cuffed and arrested, and taken to jail. His ex's lover from a wealthy Jewish family had pulled some strings and had some friends in law enforcement round him up during a publicity "sexual offenders" warrant round-up. It made the news, his mugshot and all. You can't quite overcome that. My friend was destroyed.
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No He was the only child support warrant enforced ...during the sex offender round-up. Which was rich. Inquirers after the fact, lead to a police chief saying he didn't know how such a case was involved in the round-up. My friend was dragged out of his home, with no explanation, but his neighbors, and friends, later that night saw on the news that a major "sex offender" round-up had occurred. His ex's lover contributed a sizable amount of money to a crime prevention program the month before. |
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Just remember. Never give up guys. A year ago I thought I was going to be in bad shape, but it has turned around for me. I miss my daughter like hell though. It's so sad. She has a beautiful heart, but it got twisted like her mothers.
I hate to hear this. Daughters need their dads. I hope that things can be resolved with your daughter. This is not right. |
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Be thankful you weren't divorced in the great state of New York. I get to pay child support until my daughter is 21 (22 if she is a full time college student). I pay about $18,000 a year in child support for one kid. My daughter is 18 this year. She should have started started college this week.
My ex took me back to court earlier this year because she wanted an upward modification in support and to force me to pay for college. There is no mandate in our divorce decree that I will pay for college. I have no problem paying for college expenses, I just wanted to be involved in the college selection process that went on most of last year. But, my ex saw it proper to lie to me about the schools and refused to let me participate. She just demanded I pay. The ex told me and my daughter she wasn't going to contribute anything towards college because she "simply didn't have the money." I pointed out she has my child support money to use. I also made an offer to pay for half of all expenses related to school. It could have been anything from $12,000 to $20,000 more a year on top of my child support, depending on the school that accepted my daughter. I told my ex she could afford the other half if she used my child support money. In other words, I would have been paying 100% for the school expenses, with a potentially decent amount left over still in my ex's pocket. My ex responded with a summons for court, saying I refused to pay. She also took it upon herself to start calling my financial advisors, asking questions about my investments (because she "knows" I can afford to pay.) When I showed up for court, I requested a continuance because my attorney wasn't available. The magistrate granted my request, which really pissed the ex off (she decided to represent herself). Before we left the courtroom, the ex asked for a decision on the upward modification of child support. The family court magistrate replied the whole matter would be decided at the next court date. The magistrate then told her, "if" I was found to have an obligation to pay for school, there was actually a good chance there would be a downward departure in the money that I send to her. My overall payment wouldn't necessarily go down but, my payment could be redirected to my daughters school expenses related to her dorm room and meals. For example, if her dorm and meal cost was $13,000 a year, I would be responsible for my pro-rata share of those expenses (in my case 70%). So, I would end up paying the school directly that portion (roughly $9100). That would mean $9100 less dollars going to my ex (essentially cutting what I pay her in half). Plus, the amounts would be capped at the SUNY/CUNY school rates, which is less than I had initially offered. The ex failed to show up in court when the next court date came and the complaint was dismissed. Since the complaint was dismissed there was no modification to the original child support order. I have to continue paying the ex the full amount of child support directly. The ex can re-initiate the complaint at any point. At the same time she gets to tell my kid, she can't afford to pay for any school related costs, I refuse to pay for any of her college expenses, and my kid has to take out student loans to pay for dorm expenses, while collecting almost $18,000 a year from me. In the meantime, I have't spoken to my daughter in almost a year since this crap started, because her mother has convinced her I'm the asshole. |
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I hear ya loud and clear Justa! Mine got the house and a big chunk of my 401k. Same situation with my girls-anytime they needed
something they'd come to me cause 'mom' doesn't have the money. She had money to go to the Jersey shore every weekend in the summer though. My youngest graduated High School this past June so no more support for the X. Sucks to have seen all that money just flitter away
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I had a client where mom convinced the kids he was a scumbag and cut off contact. Mom collected support for a child who had run away and shacked up with a guy in another county.
when we went to court mom and her lawyer claimed the girl still lived with mom. When I pulled out an affidavit from the girl stating she moved out years ago and that mom provided her no support they just shrugged and gave up. had a violation once where the lawyer said my client owed money. I was going through the bills with her before court and said "he says he paid her 2000 on May 5" "nope" he called his bank and was able to have the cancelled check emailed I showed it to the lawyer and she "well okay" and I asked why she said it was not paid. "If you can't prove it I always claim it wasn't paid" I demanded a hearing, lawyer sucked and dropped it half way through. God knows how many men she's gotten thrown in jail |
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I had a client where mom convinced the kids he was a scumbag and cut off contact. Mom collected support for a child who had run away and shacked up with a guy in another county. when we went to court mom and her lawyer claimed the girl still lived with mom. When I pulled out an affidavit from the girl stating she moved out years ago and that mom provided her no support they just shrugged and gave up. had a violation once where the lawyer said my client owed money. I was going through the bills with her before court and said "he says he paid her 2000 on May 5" "nope" he called his bank and was able to have the cancelled check emailed I showed it to the lawyer and she "well okay" and I asked why she said it was not paid. "If you can't prove it I always claim it wasn't paid" I demanded a hearing, lawyer sucked and dropped it half way through. God knows how many men she's gotten thrown in jail
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People are so fucked man One time I brought in the grandmother who was supposedly being paid thousands of dollars a year in babysitting money and subpoenaed the bank records of mom and grandma and grandma's tax returns. No records of any checks being written or deposited so they both claimed the daughter would alway pay in cash and grandma never deposited any of it. But the daughter deposited what looked like her entire paycheck and didn't have withdrawals to match the money paid to grandma. Didn't matter, support magistrate didn't care. |
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A guy I work with pays for 3 of his kids. I've heard him say he only takes home $300/wk from here. Considering he makes around $24-25/hr and works 50-60hrs a week...that's a shit load of child support... No kids for me. Ain't gonna happen... |
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My kid is 17 and child support will end next year. For shits and giggles, I logged in the Texas OAG website to view my payments. One option is to download a PDF of all payments, and it shows the total amount paid. I'm not going to give the exact amount, but it's enough to buy a nice house here in Houston. A whole house, free and clear. My ex has spent it frivolously. Eating out, getting her nails done, supporting boyfriends, buying new cars. It hasn't gone to putting a roof over my kid's head, because my ex lives with her mommy and daddy. It hasn't gone to supporting my kid, because I've constantly had to buy clothes, school supplies, refill her lunch account, buy her a car, etc. A whole fucking house. Frittered away. There's no point to this thread except that seeing the exact amount shocked me. |
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I have a stepson, who coincidentally turned 18 today. When my wife and his father got divorced, she was awarded a whopping $108 a month in child support. Throughout the years, the ex has progressed and makes a very solid living. We got letters from Texas all the time basically begging her to go back and request more support since he made more money. She refused, and I support her in that 100%. We didn't need the money. $108 a month is MORE than enough to support half a kid. Since we didn't need it, my son has nearly $50k in investments he doesn't even know he has. He enlisted in the Marine Corps. He ships out in November. I imagine he'll be surprised when he graduates boot and we hand him the account info.... |
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START calling me a terrible person to my kid? You're about 15 years too late for that. My kid, when she was very small, told me "Momma doesn't like you, but I'm not supposed to tell you." Number of times I've spoke ill of my ex to my kid: Zero. Number of time I've spoke ill of my ex to anyone else: Too numerous to count. Quoted:
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Sounds about right. Next year you will be free, and your Ex will start calling you a terrible person for not continuing to pay her. To your kids. Number of times I've spoke ill of my ex to my kid: Zero. Number of time I've spoke ill of my ex to anyone else: Too numerous to count. |
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Similar to my experience.
On the other hand, it forced me to get off my behind & earn my way out of the hole I was in. So the no account, good for nothing loser that I was (ex's testimony to the court) earned enough that it didn't bother me - it's only money after all. Meanwhile at the end of the tunnel, my ex continues to have to work, has no credit, an underwater mortgage on a dump of a house, some of my kids like me (others not so much), & I managed to retire comfortably - not wealthy but not eating cat food. 
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Occasionally, some threads in GD make me sorry we didn't have kids when I was married years ago. This isn't one of them. I don't mean to sound like I'm gloating. I am sorry for all you guys who have been through the wringer with the courts at the hands of ex-wives and their lawyers. It can't have been easy and I'll never understand or appreciate the sacrifices you all have made to help your kids and comply with the courts. Good on ya for doing it though. Hopefully, your kids are at least somewhat better off. |
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For what benefit? A stab at my ex? Yeah I'll do that here with you guys, but I don't see the point with my kid. Quoted:
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You should print out that report and give it to your daughter and ask her how much of that benefited her. |
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My kid is 17 and child support will end next year. For shits and giggles, I logged in the Texas OAG website to view my payments. One option is to download a PDF of all payments, and it shows the total amount paid. I'm not going to give the exact amount, but it's enough to buy a nice house here in Houston. A whole house, free and clear. My ex has spent it frivolously. Eating out, getting her nails done, supporting boyfriends, buying new cars. It hasn't gone to putting a roof over my kid's head, because my ex lives with her mommy and daddy. It hasn't gone to supporting my kid, because I've constantly had to buy clothes, school supplies, refill her lunch account, buy her a car, etc. A whole fucking house. Frittered away. There's no point to this thread except that seeing the exact amount shocked me. Truth be told children are about as expensive as a house whether you pay child support or not. It the responsibility you undertake when you have them. I think its pretty shabby that the money isn't spent on the kids directly though. Personally I don't think child support should be a monetary sum. It should be in goods. IE you physically buy them what they need. Quoted:
Divorced, no kids, paid over $100,000 in 5 years just in almony. I know how it is. Was laid off in year 4 of alimony payments, entire salary from new, less paying job went to her that year. I'm better now. been 6 years since that final check. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Very few people truly take their wedding vow's to heart. If they did, marriages would only end in murder, suicide, or death of natural causes. Not advocating the first two of course. But from a logical perspective the concept of signing binding legal documents , over a vow that you know you don't intend on upholding while you are taking it is nuts to me. |
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She refused, and I support her in that 100%. We didn't need the money. $108 a month is MORE than enough to support half a kid. Since we didn't need it, my son has nearly $50k in investments he doesn't even know he has. He enlisted in the Marine Corps. He ships out in November. I imagine he'll be surprised when he graduates boot and we hand him the account info.... |
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She refused, and I support her in that 100%. We didn't need the money. $108 a month is MORE than enough to support half a kid. Add in clothes, medical expenses, etc, and $108 doesn't come close... |
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There's a petition at Whitehouse.gov for this thievery.
Link to End CS Thievery |
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She already realizes it, because she asked me once if I paid child support. I said yes, and left it at that. She thought about it and asked me what her mom spent the money on, since I pay for everything and mom lives with her own parents. She's so mature in some ways, and she said she knows her mom's lifestyle is going to implode. She also said she's worried her mom will try to sponge off her as an adult. |
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For what benefit? A stab at my ex? Yeah I'll do that here with you guys, but I don't see the point with my kid. Quoted:
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You should print out that report and give it to your daughter and ask her how much of that benefited her. Also are you sure your ex is going to let you stop child support? Many try to get the kid to go to college or some other program, go back to court, and try to get child support extended until age 26 or so. Not that it would be approved but there are all sorts of stories of them trying. |
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Truth be told children are about as expensive as a house whether you pay child support or not. It the responsibility you undertake when you have them. It's not a whole second house, but it's a large amount. |
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Yeah child support is BS, often the payments are more than both parents spent on the kid wen they were together.
I had a friend high school whose parents were divorced, the mom made decent money and they had and agreement to that the mom just gave the check to her each month. Sadly she just spend the money on stupid S**T, never saved, invested or did anything for the future, she had 3 closets full of shoes and purses. On the bright side only one year left then you can laugh as she goes through a major life change due to a loss of that second income. In the end you will be better off |
| On the flip side my dad was an ass and my mother and I had to live in shitty apartments and houses while she worked two jobs. I was basically alone from about 12 years old. I got a job the day after I turned 16 and continued to work everyday after school until I left for the Marine Corps which was technically before graduation in to take some of the load off my mother. It could have been worse but it sure as shit could have been better. My father who didn't bother to have contact with us was buying houses and cars and living pretty well. Now I really am not complaining as I likely am a better person for it and I think my mother and I are closer for it as well. I also don't doubt the veracity of any of you guys being taken to the cleaners. I guess I am just relating my experience from the other side. |
| As a child of divorced parents, this isn't at all surprising. My mom didn't hold a real job since I was 8 or 9 and lived off child support. We lived in crap areas and she drank most of it away. I felt bad for my dad who had to pay it, even when I wasn't living with her anymore. |
[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Child support wasted (Page 2 of 5)
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