whats the difference between an old whore and a new whore?
new whore uses astroglide and the old whore uses polygrip.
Duke and Edna's kids put them in a nursing home, but Dukes always sneaking out to the bar, well one night Duke came back to the home drunk as hell, climbed into bed, slapped Edna on the ass then passed out, somewhere toward morning Duke wakes and sees a man with a long white beard and robe standing at the foot of the bed,
Duke says "who the hell are you and what are you doing in our bedroom?"
the man replied " I'm St. Peter"
and Duke asked "You mean I'm dead?, I can't be dead I'm only 70 years old, I still have so much to do and live for, I havn't even said goodby to my family, you've got to send my back"
So St. Pete ponders this for a moment and replies " Yes, I think you might be right, so I'm going to have you reincarnated, but theres one catch, your bodies been cremated already so I can only send you back as a dog or a chicken"
So Duke thinks about this and says "send me back as a chicken, theres a farm right next door to the home, besides they don't let animals inside, so as a chicken my wife can come feed me bread everyday through the fence."
At that moment St. Pete snaps his fingers and a bright light flashed, and Duke awakens covered in feathers clucking and pecking corn from the ground, he looks around and says "shit I'm a hen", bout then some other chickens stroll over and ask "so your the new hen, how are you liking your first day here?"
Duke replies " its alright, but I got this pressing feeling in my guts, makes me feel like I'm going to explode."
other Chicken says " Your ovulating, don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?, just squat and push and it'll come out"
So Duke does what the other chicken told him to and a few very uncomfortable moments later an egg pops out onto the ground, the feeling of relief was so phenominal that he thought that he would lay another egg, so he did, the feeling was immensely gratifying, so he pushed again and another egg came out, it was the best feeling he had ever felt........ever, even from when he was human,
the joy kept coming and coming, just when he was about to lay his fith egg he feels an enormous whack on the back of his head and everything goes black then a blinding white light flashes in his eyes and he hears his wifes voice screaming, "Duke! wake up you drunken sonofabitch!, your shitting the bed again!"