Listen to Patty and RS_Coyote. I'm two months into a similar situation, and the three things you need to do are give her room, be ready to work on both sides of your issues with a counselor, and take care of yourself.
This last one can be the hardest, but it can be the most important. Hold it together, spend as much time as you can with your friends, and talk it out with a counselor, your friends, random people on the internet (howdy!), etc. No matter how this turns out, you're going to go through a lot while you are processing things. When you are pissed off or depressed or whatever, take that step back and remember that your mindset will change in a day or a week, and try to keep things even until then.
Easier said than done, I know. I KNOW.
You are not alone. I've received support from people that have gone through similar ordeals, some of whom I barely knew before things blew up. It helps.
Of course, I'm buying more guns now that it's not subject to my wife's approval, but we all deal with these things in our own way.
he--Mike