No one is going to go "That was just a puny 185 grainer, that didn't hurt a bit"...
I do not see a real advantage to lighter ammo in a .45 other than it may work better in some guns than others. My limited experisnce has shown me that lighters bullets have more powder behind negating any possible reduction in recoil, not that recoil in a handgun is big factor.
an HP is an HP is an HP in my book and terminal performance is actually 3rd or 4th down the list when I am looking at ammo.
Reliability of ammunition, accuracy, and reliability of the gun shooting the ammo rate higher on the list than terminal performance for me. Some brands suck, I have had some Fail to fires with bad primers/squibs from certain brands....won't carry them. That last thing I want to hear is "click"
accuracy...misses do not count. I try and look for something that will consistantly hit a head sized target at 25 yards when fired. I know that does not sound like a stringent requirement, but I have shot some ammo that would not do that out of my guns at 10 yards.
Reliability of gun with ammo. Some guns prefer certain ammo, others are not picky, but when the time comes, you sure as hell do not want to clear a jam. I know some who only carry ball in thier 1911's.
Meet these requirements first. If your gun is not picky and eats anything, then poke around. Perform your own experiments if necessary. I know this may sound stupid to some, but I think how comfortable YOU feel with the ammo has as much effect as actual performance. if you feel more comfy with light and fast, then go that route, same with heavy and slow. The only way to be really sure about how a certain load will work is to shoot people, and there is not alot of volunteers for this. IF you gun shoots the best with 185's then use them, 230's, use them, getting the bullet on target is far more important than how it will work in the end.
I have heard just about every loony arguement for both sides, from hydrostatic shock, less time to target, smashes bone, rotational damage ,driving pockets of air, cuts adjacent veins an arteries, to explosive fragmentation. It is ALL crap.
My humble 2 cents.