OK I think I have some insight to your problems now. It is mst likely your grip. First I think your gripping the gun really tight, like a crush grip. Try the thumbs forward grip. It is good for smaller hands, and the angle of the suport hand really helps control muzzle flip.
Ported and compensated guns don't reduce recoil. It just changes it. Instead of the gun flipping up, it comes more strait back at you. Also you really need to reload your own ammo. Factory ammo uses fast burning powder, you need slow burining powder so there is still gass to power the ports/comp.{/b]
Modern isosceles grip used in IPSC/USPSA competition. It really helps control muzzle flip when rapid firing, but generally helps control felt recoil.
Get a good high grip on the gun. With your web of your hand all the way up. Hold your thumb away so you can place your support hand.
"Tuck and roll". Tuck your support hand under the trigger guard and roll it into your strong hand.
With your support hand get a good high grip with as much palm as possible on the grip.
A word about grip pressure. Your strong hand does not use very much pressure at all. I describe it as a soft handshake. Just enough pressure so you don't weird someone out with a limp wussy handshake. Not a manly firm handshake grip pressure. Your support hand is actually used to grip the gun. You can see in the pic I don't even need to use my strong hand to retain the gun. With your support hand, use a firm grip.
Lastly point both thumbs forward. Thumb of support hand goes on the frame; the strong hand thumb goes on the web of your support hand, or also on the frame.
When you shoot feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, bent slightly at the waist, lean forward, gun held directly out in front of you in an isosceles stance/grip. The "modern" version has you with both elbows slightly bent. Bring the gun in a little, whatever feels comfortable. You don't need a crush grip, or to push pull with your hands (like in a weaver grip). Just imagine the gun floating in front of you, no stress to hold or point the gun. Focus on front sight, and squeeze.
For drills I recommend that you hold the gun one handed at the low ready, finger off the trigger. The go into your two handed modern isco grip while bringing the gun up and double tap. Work with a target at point blank range, slowly it out to 10-15 yards when you can keep everything no larger than fist sized groups.
Another aspect of shooting well is learning the trigger reset. This is the point the trigger has to travel forward before you can fire the next shot. You do not have to release the trigger the full lenght. Learning to shoot from the reset will let you shoot more accurately (less trigger movement), shoot faster, or both. To learn the trigger reset do your standard dry fire practice, but at the end hold the trigger back without releasing it. Then rack the slide with trigger held back. Slowly release the trigger just to the point it resets, or clicks. Then dry fire again. Repeat it until you develop the muscle memory of where the trigger resets. Try to aniticpate just how far you have to release when your practice. Once you get this down you'll immediately see it's benifits.