looking for some some carry options for the wife.  She likes the idea of a grip and thumb safety.  Anyone make anything in a 40 cal.  I know Para makes the PDA in 9 and 45.  Thoughts?

You might be able to find a Beretta 96 at some of the gun shows still.

I'm really leery of Para after my experience with them. There seems to be a 66% / 34% split on people that got burnt vs. those that got a jewel. If they run, it runs well. If not, you're really out.

Rolls the dice you do.

I would try to work with her until she was more comfortable with a pistol with less mechanical "safety" features, and just practiced proper trigger discipline.

My GF is very comfortable with a Glock 19/26, and has no desire for a more complicated firearm, and for a defensive handgun simple is better IMHO

With that said I would look at a XD-40c since it has a backstrap safety

Para-Ordnance use to make the PDA in .40S&W and .45GAP.
They were discontinued as part of the move/change from Para-Ordnance to ParaUSA.

Hk usp compact

Springfield armory EMP .40.  A compact 1911 (3in barrel) in .40 S&W.  Has a grip and thumb safety.

My ex-gf was the EXACT same way, initially loved the idea of a grip and manual safety.  With some explaining and shooting I got her to feel differently.  First priority is to prove the safety of modern defensive guns.  Guns are dangerous things, but with respect and a little bit of knowledge the danger can be negated almost if not completely entirely.  I also firmly believe that if you don't deal with that feeling that a glock is inherently less safe than a 1911 that she isn't ready to carry a gun for defense.

I used the glock v. 1911 because of no manual safety vs. manual and grip, I am not making any statement on which is "safer."  I carry a glock but have no problem with anyone that carries a 1911.  My point is, if you know your weapon of choice, and are proficient with it under many different conditions, then any modern gun (with a PROPER holster) is as safe as the next.  Period.  You should help her try to see that, as I love that more and more people (women especially) are carrying.  

Could look at the CZ line-up too, I think they offer a few compact 40's that are DA/SA and have manual tumble safeties, but no grip safety.

Out of curiosity, why 40?

This was my first thought also,

My S/O (5'1" @ 110lbs) loves shooting my Glock 26/19/17 (9mm), but hates shooting my G32 (.357) or my dads G23 (.40) because of the increased recoil

I think the perfect carry gun for a woman is a G26, and the G19 for range time

Since the OP's wife wants a backstrap safety the XD9c would be a good choice (if she likes the XD's of course)

I'm just going to throw this out there, when my wife first started looking for a handgun I basically limited her choices to guns that I knew were reliable, older Glocks, M&Ps, Walthers, and FNX/S/Ps. After getting her comfortable with my G17, she picked an M&P because it fit her hand best. When she first got it, she always left the chamber empty but with a mag inserted. When she got comfortable with it, she chambered a round and now that is how it stays.

With an Apex DCAEK, RAM, and Failure Resistant Extractor, and her own stippling on the grips, the thing is getting pretty close to being perfect for her, she just needs the sights and some more mags and a good holster.

I would definitely look at 9mm over .40, as there is no appreciable difference in lethality (low for both guns), the 9mm allows more rounds in a lighter recoiling package, and you can afford almost twice the practice with 9mm.

+1.  Great pistol.

The Bersa Thunder in .40 wouldn't be a bad option, bersa makes damn good guns. CZ also probably has some options. Check them out