i just ordered parts to build my first ar lower, pics will be up when i get all the stuff. my question is where can i find a list of all the parts i need to build my own upper? and any suggestions on building my own vs buying a fully assembled upper?

The money you try to save in building your own upper will be eaten up by the $100.00 plus tools you'll need along with a strong vise. I'd just pay a company to build you a complete upper the way you want it as many will customize it for you. Bushmaster has a good parts schematic if you'd like to see the upper parts.

Look here.

Building your own is fun and educational.  You'll learn how it all works and get a better understanding of the rifle building it yourself.  You might have to buy a few tools but chances are you'll use them again and again.  If not sell them in the EE.  You can always check your hometown forum to see who's in your area who could lend you a hand or at least let you borrow some tools.

What's this saved money you speak of??  I spent a LOAD doing my own build!!  Worth it?  Every single cent!!

Yep.  Plus you will want to make changes or build more and gun smithing charges add up a lot quicker than tools.  FWIW I bought an AR multi-tool and other than that I only used tools I had around the house.  Pliers that I taped with duct tape to keep them from scraping the finish, a punch, and my hands.  I didn't have a vice and I didn't need one (don't get me wrong it would have made it easier but the point is that it can be done).  My gun has thousands of rounds through it and I have never had a single issue.

explain the method for torquing your barrel nut without a vise please?

It was as snug as I could get it with my hands and then I put two pieces of wood on the inside of my legs and captured the reciever to use the multi-tool. perhaps that I was lucky that I didn't have to go far to feed the gas tube through the hole but 35-50 ft/lbs isn't a lot of pressure so it wasn't a big deal.  I forgot to include torque wrench in my list of tools though.  I used it once I capture the upper between my knees.  This is by far the most expensive tool I used but I had it already as well.