I'm just one guy, but I think a .308 for actual "home" defense is a bad idea in most cases. Loud almost beyond compare, overpenetration through multiple walls, heavier than other options, etc. Now this is more than one guy's opinion here (Steve@ADCO for another
), but the .308 loses a LOT of velocity once the barrel drops below 18" as well.
BUT, you didn't ask about that, you asked about an optic. And for that, I will also share my "one guy's" opinion.
I think 3-9 is too much for a 16" AR10. I barely went with 3-9 on my 20" AR10. I prefer lower powered scopes, and usually lean towards the variables, but I think a fixed 4x IOR M1 (around $333.50) with perhaps the JPoint as piggyback would be a very good choice. It has the illumination, the BDC, the range estimation, etc.
Another possible (and a variable) would be the IOR 1.1-4x ($650) which offers range estimation, and if your friend put in the effort, he could learn to match the mil lines to bullet drop.
The Trijicon TR21 ($539) does NOT have range estimation, but it's one of my favorites. A tritium illuminated triangle that does not require batteries and gives your 1.25-4x magnification. The triangle can be used for BDC to some extent since it's size in MOA is known (4moa) and using tip, middle, bottom gives you three reference points for bullet drop.
Something else to consider would be using TWO optics. One for the "HD" scenario with zero magnification (Aimpoint or EOTech) and then a scope for hunting and the like.
Good luck in your quest.