For social encounters, I think I would stick to the following loads for a 1:9 twist 16" carbine:
-Federal or Black Hills 69 gr BTHP Match
-Black Hills 68 gr BTHP Match
If your particular carbine can stabilize the Hornady or Black Hills 75 gr BTHP Match sufficiently to maintain combat effective accruracy, I would choose it over the other loads. Some 1:9 twists can stabilize these bullets, some can't. So you'll just have to buy a box and see.
For a load to be used in defensive situations, I much prefer the fragmenting match bullets to softpoints. While there are some decent softpoint loads, even the best one falls short of doing the kind of tissue damage that a good fragmenting bullet will do. The more damage, the more bleeding. The more bleeding, the faster the potential of the bad guy going down.
As far as the load that will penetrate barriers best in .223 caliber, the Federal Trophy Bonded Bear Claw 55 and 62 gr loads are about as good as it gets in this caliber. The 62 gr is virtually impossible to get outside the law enforcement community. The 55 gr version performs similarly but again, neither will cause the level of damage the match JHP's will cause. And the .223 isn't exactly the best choice when it comes to barrier penetration shots anyway. Therefore use one of the above mentioned match loads for self defense applications. If you want barrier penetration, pick up a good M1A or FAL carbine and get yourself some good bonded Federal premium ammunition.
-CH