not start out "I was so drunk I could hardly see"
If so, please post.
I only have a few in reserve that meet said limits.

Well we had just begun to party with three members of the "Japanese Tabernuckle Choir" when we captured one attempting to leave "early."

After unclothing her to check for "injuries" we did did hang her over our second floor balcony by her arms to the delight of the crowd below.

Now had she only waited a couple of hours she could have made good her escape and I couldn't post this story.

As I recall she at first rated her date as numbah 10, cheap bastid but after that little deal we all achieved the coveted numbah 10 rating !

There was this team sgt in Panama that was kinda ledgendary in SF, one story about him had to do with when he was in Training Group.

Seems one day he came to class wearing SAS wings on his cammys(this tells ya how long ago it was) So all the instructors decided to tag team him and give him some Crap. First one asks him if he thinks that just because he jumped with the SAS he thought he was entitled to wear the wings.  He replied that he had never been to England or Jumped with the Brit SAS Second one asked if he didnt have the wrong wings on, like perhaps he should just have Brit wings. He replied that these were the wings he earned Anyway he shut them all up when he told them that he had been in the Rhodesian SAS prior to joining the US Army.  He ended up helping teach the rest of his time in training group as he had more Combat Exp than most of the people there!!!  There is another story about him and the Black SGM on his promotion board, but that is for another day

Bought a rifle from a retired Army Colonel.  Little puppy was in.308 with a stock that folded-under.  Just perfect for hanging under a raincoat.
Anyway as people often do in gun-deals we got sort of friendly and I found out he was in the hostage rescue business.  Wouldn't mount any op in the U.S.
Turns out all his operators except one were Rhodesian.

Here's a story from my short collection.

The Night I Shot Two Navy SEAL's

Back in '67 I had the priviledge of serving with a Seabee unit, ACB-1, at NAB Coronado, which was the West Coast training center for SEAL Team 1. This was back in the days when few outside the Navy had even heard of SEAL's, since no John Wayne "Green Beret's" movie had glorified them yet. It was summer, the perfect time at the beach for war games, and the rumor was the SEAL's were to play the bad guys.
 After a beach assault a half mile or so south of NAB, we set up camp just in from the high tide zone. I and another lucky volunteer were ordered to "go out a ways and set up an outpost", so we went beyond the perimeter a couple hundred feet, dug a shallow hole in the sand, and covered it with a few nearby 2X4's and a tarp. We spinkled a little sand on top for camoflage, after burying a telephone line out to out hole. After evening chow - how nice it was to know the enemy wouldn't attack till later - we crawled into our hole and waited. 'Bout an hour later we saw movement coming our way. They went by us so close it's lucky they didn't step on us. We called it in and within seconds the war was on - and over with before we could even join in. What a letdown! We didn't even get to fire off our three issued blanks.
 Between meals and KP duty the next day, my one and only day of KP in 3 1/2 years in the Navy, we headed a little farther out to set up a new outpost by the highway. We didn't feel like hiding in that hole again, so just found a depression in the ice plant covered berm where we could crouch down if needed.
 That night, after a couple hours of boredom, my partner headed back to camp. Since our job was to provide advance warning of approaching enemy, I figured maybe it would be okay if I did a little recon on my own, since I was getting rather bored too.
 Up the beach just below the SEAL training area was a little mock Vietnamese village named Dragon Village if I remember, which was the bad guys' headquarters. I started out towards it, staying about halfway between the beach and highway. About 2/3rd's of the way up I noticed a couple of warm bodies walking down towards me. I crouched down next to a bush about half my size and did my best to stay still in the moonlight. They must have passed no more than 20 feet from me. I proceeded up to check out the village, found it to be empty, and headed back down towards my outpost. I stayed close to the berm along the highway for better cover.
 To my surprise, when I reached the back of my outpost berm, I found it occupied by those 2 enemy soldiers. They were looking out at our beach camp and contemplating the start of their attack. I snuck right up behind them and said "FREEZE"! They seemed very surprised to find my M14 pointing at them. After noticing bars on the collar of one, I figured it was time to end it. I pointed my rifle at the sand between us, fired a couple rounds which sprayed them with sand, and said "you're dead". I had single handedly wiped out the entire enemy force. The officer said "no we're not", and the two of them charged the camp, blazing away. I thought it hardly fair the bad guys had unlimited ammo and the rest of us only had 3 rounds each! Come to think of it, they may have been Beachmaster's, not SEAL's.

A very funny story (second hand, unfortunately) that I got from a LRSD sergeant I worked with.

When he was assigned to the 6th LID in Alaska, he did a siz month tour as an advisor/trainer to the Alaska National Guard. Back in the bad old days of the cold war, the AKNG had a few battallions of "Eskimo Scouts." These folks were clasic citizen soldiers; they kept all of their gear, including weapons, at home or in their village armory. They were on active duty for most of the year, and spent their time doing long-term patrols looking for Soviet infiltration.

The sergeant was new to his unit, and had a lot of emphasis on respecting local customs drilled into him before being assigned. The Eskimo Scouts were hands-down the best troops in the world for Artic survival and recon, but they weren't to far off from the 19th century (or 9th, for that matter). Being a good old southern boy, he dipped snuff. When some of the scouts expressed an interest in his snuff, he offered them some. Unfortunately, they took a liking to it, and he ran afoul of native customs.

It apparently is an Eskimo custom that once you provide someone with a commodity, you are bound to continue providing it at the same rate. Since he gave them the snuff for free, he was now bound to continue to provide it to his scouts, gratis. With most of the squad now dipping, he was rapidly running out.

His solution was nothing short of brilliant. During a rest stop, he took an empty snuff can from his pocket. In full view of the squad, he began to urinate into it. When one of the scouts inquired as to what he was doing, he replied "This stuff gets frozen. I'm thawing it out so I can get a dip."

This was immediately followed by the simultaneous sound of the entire squad spitting out their snuff, along with the occasional retch.

He had another piece of advice from his Eskimo days, but he would not tell the story to go along with it. Never, ever say that you think an Eskimo's wife is attractive. You will be offered the wife, and failure to act is a mortal insult. I think he was severely traumatized by that one.

I'll believe ya Paul..
I started going to Thailand when the hiv was first getting going.
Hell, for Cobra Gold one year the US rented the entire hotel in Payatta (that one two blocks south and one back inland from Pizza Hut)
I saw some stuff there in town...
My buds in the guard only half believed me when I told them TJ and the old PI weren't bout nothing and the real magic tricks were in Thailand. Then when we got the 9 month call up a few of the AD guys had been there too, after the hiv hit for real but the magic shows were still in full force.

Happyshooter's escapades around "BangClap Thighland" reminded me of being in the wrong spot at the wrong time, i.e. Phnom Penh between Easter Sunday and the Hun Sen coup in July 97.  Just before the airport was overrun by the looters, there was one Thai Airways plane left.  I pushed a major who was working for me to the head of the line to find out there was one seat left.  The Air Force gent couldn't understand why his Government American Express card didn't mean anything.  My reply was "Dan, in a war, nobody takes plastic." I slapped some cash on the counter and threw his butt on the plane telling him "It's easier to solve a transportation problem from Bangkok, than here right now."  Even Air Vietnam stopped flying.  Getting out myself was fun, but that's another story.  I was glad to be with the guys with short haircuts and sun glasses.  Warm regards...