Striker,
at least you went first.
So many, many choices.
I think I'll go with this one even though I was only a minor participant.

On American Subs only the missile boats carry a Doctor - all others a senior corpsman.

I'm so old I made the first Polaris missile patrol in the Pacific - 12/24/64 - yep we went out on Christmas eve to evade a Soviet trawler.

Anyway Sub captains and sub officers in general have little knowledge or experience as to how to work with MD's.  Actually Doctors don't have to stand any watches although this particular Doc chose to.

Any way during the course of this particular seventy day or so excursion the Doctor, who was about 5' 7" and the Navigator who was about 6'2"
managed to develop a strong dislike for each other.  The Doc was a grad of UC Berkeley and absolutely certifiably insane but in a very funny way.  Especially for a Sub officer the Navigator was a candy-ass - big guy with with a small, high voice and he was not universally beloved by the crew.  He and the DOC keep up a running gun battle for the whole patrol while we
the crew kept score.  Until about three or four days before we got back in the score was DOC 41 and Navigator 0.  The Navigator sensing that time was running out managed to leave the DOC on watch for twelve hours straight by ordering his relief to perform other unneeded duties.
Doc was pissed !
(This far too long epistle continues after AR Guy)

Glad to see this new forum!

Once while doing a dive training, I put this big plastic shark fin on my back.  Gained a few laughs.

As for the crazy things... haven't we all just pretty much been doing that? [:D]

-SARguy

We get in port, Guam, scenic Guam and all who don't have duty headed for the beach to consume vast amounts of alcohol.
I come back to the boat about 3:00 AM and run into the DOC who was worse off than I.  (I've got to tell it like it was !)  The DOC shares the fact that he's got the shits and asked that I wait for him to go to the head. (Latrine, bathroom, etc.)  I say OK and am siting in the Sonar Room when DOC appears with a truly shit eatin grin on his face and tells me I need to wait ten minutes and then pull the fire-alarm, get on the 1MC and send everyone to their fire stations.  I was drunk enough not to ask why and that sounded like a fine idea.

Ten minutes later I set-off the fire alarm and announce all hands to their fire stations.

Drunk, sober or in between when the alarm sounds you go.  I was pretty sure nothing was burning in Sonar and wandered on over to the control room where the Captain, Exec, Navigator, Doc and probably six or eight others were assembled.

Each compartment dutifully reported no fire in their area.  The Captain then said "I smell something - doesn't smell like burning insulation but there's some smell."  All save the DOC were sniffing the air like bloodhounds.
A few seconds later the Captain announced "That smells like Shit !"  Immediately we all agreed including the Doc.

Within about five seconds all attention was turned to the Navigator as the evil smell seemed to be coming from his direction.  As we all began to give him clearance the Navigator looked down and saw shit squishing from both his shoes (no socks) !!  Doc had shit in both the navigator's shoes !!

With the roar of an elephant and the mind of a Cape Buffalo the Navigator charged the Doc !!  Only divine intervention, the Captain, saved Doc.

Of course Doc admitted nothing and I damn sure didn't. To this day this operation is still classified "Top Secret" and the culprits remain unknown.

 I'm not sure if this is the CRAZIEST thing I ever did but.....August 2000 in Macedonia on R&R.....myself and some buddies were coming back to a US military guarded hotel at Lake Ochrid. Lake Ochrid is shared both by Macedonia and Albania. Curfew here was at midnight...it was now around 3 am....and MP's might be wondering where we were. We tried to get through the perimeter one way but a whole s##tload of dogs starting barking at us.....We consequently ran up the road to find (hopefully) another entrance to the hotel. What we found instead was a 200 foot drop from a cliff looking straight down into Lake Ochrid..... Fortunately, we found another way into the hotel without getting "caught"......I think this was the day before we rented a paddleboat and went swimming with a fifth of Jack Daniels........BTW if you swim to Albania...they don't let you swim back..... luckily I never experienced this.

I was deployed to the Air Force Base at Teague Korea in February of 1984 during "Team Spirit 84". Me and a buddy were in a bar in town on liberty. We were talking to a couple of "waitresses" when another Marine comes up to the girl my buddy was talking to and said  to her "lets go". Apparently he had paid her bar fine and didn't like a couple other jarheads talking to his "property". As they got to the door he made a gesture like he wanted to kick one or both of our asses then left. My buddy and I talked for a while and he all the sudden says to me "want to help me do something?" Not knowing what it is I said "sure" he says "lets go". We leave the bar and head up the street he says "I know where she lives and were going to f*ck with that a**hole". We go down some alleys to a walled in apartment complex. At the gate he says to me "go in and turn to the right along the wall at the third door will be a pair of combat boots and a utility cover, I'll watch your back"
I go in and just like he said the boots and cover were there. The girl and the a**hole were inside the one room "apartment" and I could hear Johnny Carson on the Far East Network T.V.. I grab the stuff and we head down a few other alleys and put them in some Koreans bicycle basket and head back to the bars to meet some friends. Later that night as we went our own way he says to me "meet me at the main gate around 0700 and we'll ride the bus in and have chow together before work". After a warm night with a "nice" Korean girl I'm back at the gate and we're waiting for the bus. My buddy says "check it out" and points out the gate. Here comes a**hole walking down the street in his utlities without a cover and boots in the snow. The MP's really screwed with him for being out of uniform and as they were doing so he missed the bus and we had a huge laugh as we told everyone on the bus why he was in the state he was in.

I did a TDY tour to Tan So Nhut in 1966.  I
worked at the so called 'bomb dump' at night.
Two of us decided to cross the taxiway one
night to go the main base.  We were driving an
aircraft tug - not a very fast vehicle. The
tower indicated incoming aircraft. We waited
and waited and nothing came. Finally my partner
in crime, Don Day, says "it must be stuck, John." So we proceded to creep across the strip.
All of a sudden an RF101 Voodoo comes barreling
in to land. He spots us, hits his afterburners,
soars over our Coleman tug, and scorches the
paint off the top. I was scared shitless - so
was the pilot.  Maybe a little pissed off, too.
Needless to say, Don & I hid the rest of the shift.

In my first post I was only a minor participant so I'm gonna cheat and post one more.

Out of San Diego when a sub came back from WestPac we tied up at the foot of Broadway - practically downtown - to facilitate family visits.
When a sub was preparing to deploy to WestPac that sub also tied up there for the same reason.
Well the sub deploying was getting ready to go and the Chief-of-the-boat said "Boothe grab a working party and go over and throw off their lines."
So I hand-picked four of my scummy friends and headed over.  The Admiral, the band and the dependents were all congregated to see the boat off.
We threw off the lines and the boat began to back into the channel at which time my handpicked team and I took our positions about one foot behind the five most lovely dependents and held our arms out as if they were around the lovelies.
The boat was far enough away the guys on deck couldn't see what was really happening but they were certain that low-lives were hugging their wives !
The wives couldn't hear what was being screamed and were terribly confused.

The sub's first stop was Hawaii and I've always
wondered about the phone calls those wives received !!

Just another operation - successfully completed.

When in tech school in Texas during 1969, I was awaiting school start, Sgt put me in charge of the squadrons bed linen check outs. Got to sit around in the supply hut doing pretty much nothing. Then one Monday morning after a surprise inspection, Sgt handed me a pile of various porno mags. Then he instructed me to catagorize them in to themes and put a cataglog number on each. When I finished the tasks, he then had me act as the 'offical' squadron librarian of the porno. My main duties were to collect late fines and handle check outs.
What a way to start a military career.  I could see my new MOS being SmutOrganizer.

On my first west pac, being the newest member of my divison, I got put on galley duty just before the crossing the line cerimony(sp). I was on a CGN, so we don't have enough e-3's and bellow to do just that, so it rotates to all e-4 and bellow.
So some how I finagle night duty, which is basically veg prep work so you don't have to do all the really nasty stuff during the day.
About a week before the crossing the line, I notice all this garbage piling up. Apparently they planned on using it on us. Stuff to crawl through and such.
The other guys on night watch, and on galley duty with me turn out to be all polywogs(imagine that the sh*t watch are all newbies,) so we decide that they aren't getting us to crawl through garage.
In the middle of the night before anyone else is up, the night before no less, we find all the garbage, even the stuff they locked up, from all over the ship, and get it all dumped overboard, or through somat.
All day while we were being tortured, we heard complaining about where did all the garbage go, and what they were going to do if they figured out who did it.
Unfortunately we forgot about the obvious stuff, the rotted food stores(we were on the way back, and so had been out for a several months already.)

"Those also serve who organize......"

When I was a fresh caught Ensign, my first tour was in Operation Deep Freeze.  I shared a room on the ice with a dentist.  When you deploy, you develop strange habits and rituals.  One of mine was to back up to the shower stall and step out of my slippers into the shower so they're positioned for departure.  While in the shower, Ray hot glued my slippers to the deck.  I ripped right through them.  Seabees never get angry but rather more than even.  Sine I got up earlier, each morning I'd take my Swiss Army knife, go to Ray's locker, remove his web belt buckle and shave one rib of belt off, and then replaced the buckle.  After about 5 days, we noticed Ray didn't eat deserts.  After about 10 days, we didn't see him at lunch.  It took about 15 days but we all knew the jig was up when Ray sood at one end of the chow hall holding two belts and yelling ".... You S*$& of a B*$&$!".  The whole crew was in on it from day three on and gave Ray a big round of applause.  I have another story about nitrous oxide and weather balloons if anyone cares.  Warm regards...

Scout Plt. 4/17 Ft. Ord Rappelling out the 3rd story barracks window..........In MOPP4 [:)]. The level of protective posture was proportionate to the amount/type of alcohol consumed.  If it was a Tequila night, Aussie style would be the most common way to go.  Suprisingly no one was injured in the 3 years I was there, although a guy did break his back when he fell trying to climb from one window to another on the 3rd floor.  This was the preffered method to gaining access to your room, should your roomate lock you out.  He made a full recovery, but the rappelling continued.....
Be safe,
Mike  

A WM!!!!!

[smoke]

It was 1968 I had just earned my E-5 stripes. A friend of mine in the MP's said lets go out and celebrate. Problem was that Nha Trang, one of the finest in-country R&R spots had been put off limits. Oh that is except for MP's. Well that night I wore an MP arm band, and we drove into town to visit a certain popular spot. We knew that we could not park, so we made the visit in shift, while the other drove around. It was dark as heck, and we were a little off the beaten path. I was driving at the time, and observed a group of what I though to be ARVN.  Hell was I in for a shock when as I drove by I noticed AK's, and various other non-issue variety weapons. All I could think of as we passed each other within 10 feet was that's it for me. Well one of them waved, and I waved back, then floored the jeep, and headed back to my partner. Needless to say we headed back to our area as fast as we could go. Learned later that at the time it was an in country R&R spot for the opposite side. Last time I took the midnight tour.

I've heard there were "R&R" areas used by both sides, with an informal truce in effect. The beach at Vung Tau was one such spot where the guy next to you could be Charlie instead of Marvin the Arvin!

shoot deer and turkey on war games at camp lejuene in 1971. i would remove the blank firing device and load a "projectile"  pulled from a 22LR into the chamber,   followed by a full power blank.
killed 1 doe and 2 turkeys on the roost!  a country boy can survive. told the C.O. i caught them in a snare!

also i would smoke pot at night under the radar on top of the USS Saratoga, while watching the Phantoms take off with after burners! great light show!  knowing i could be called to go in country as soon as one was shot down!  lost a lot of A6, and A7 aircraft.   "of course i was with Bill Clinton, and we did not inhale!"

here is a funny one that was not illegal!
i was at the 200th anniversary of the marine corps ball. mid 70's hell i can't remember the year, but it was a big deal. 200 years of the marine corps! anyway i was in dress blues as were everyone else. being a drunk was cool back then. so we sgts stayed together and got drunk.
this very very short SSgt. named garmong was so short he would not be allowed in the marines today, but viet nam was different.
anyway the whole night he talked about this tall big breasted babe that everyone watched.
after he had a few to many, we talked him into asking her for a dance. so in his laud drunk voice,   everyone in the room could hear his invitation.  the girl snobbed her nose and told him no. the next thing i heard was garmong say, "well i guess a blow job is completely out of the question!  right!"  the officers wives liked to have droped. the major had us get him the hell out of there.

Dropped acid before a night jump.

Don't do drugs anymore though, guess I grew up.

  I was stationed in Adak Alaska for 18 months in the mid-80s.  For those of you who haven't heard of this place, it's for good reason - it's an island smack dab in the middle of the Aleutian Islands chain.  

  One of the methods to keep the boredom away was to hunt some of the local island inhabitants - Norwegian rats.  Now, guns were frowned upon by the command structure, so the weapon of choice consisted of a stick.  (mop handle preferably)  Some folks even went so far as to decorate their ratstick and carve their "kills" into the handle as well.

  One afternoon while on watch, a rat was reported sighted between two double sets of doors leading to the great outdoors.  Hearing this, I grabbed a ratstick and headed out to bravely do battle. I ran up and our Leading Petty Officer was holding the doors shut (like the rat could open them) and asked me if I was ready.  "Sure" I said, to which he opened the door and I stepped through.  WHAM!  The damn LPO slammed the door behind me and then it dawned on me that I was now just as trapped as the rat that was in front of me.  Well, I'd killed them before - granted, not in a confined space - but, that shouldn't be any problem.  So, I proceeded into my search and destroy mode.  Whackety-whackety-whack!  I chased that rat every direction but that little sonofagun was skilled in the arts of evasion.  Whackety-whackety-whack...whackety-whackety-whack....whackety-whackety-whack...for what seemed like an eternity...still no luck and I was getting winded.  Taking a moment to reassess my tactics, I backed away from the battle.  

  Big mistake.

  Evidently, the rat decided that being on the defensive was not a winning tactic and he charged me!  Now, up until this point, I didn't know that rats could jump.  But, I now know that they can - about waist high as a matter of fact.  If you have never had a rat attack your balls, I'd say that you probably don't need to search out this experience.  As you can guess, I was on the defensive at that point swinging my stick in front of me in every attempt to protect the kingdom.  Halfway through this, the rat started a high pitched squeal/scream which was another revelation for me in the abilities of the rodent species.  Eventually, the rat must have tired as he retreated to the opposite corner of where I was.  That SOB tried to bite me in the balls!, I thought.  Well, there were two of us there and only one of us was coming out alive!

  Whackety-whackety-whack...I was back at him with a vengeance!  Finally, he zigged when he should have zagged and I caught him right behind his ears - THWAP!  I administered about 25 coup-de-grace's in a way that would have shamed the LAPD.

  My LPO called through the door, "did you get him".  "Yeah, let me out", I said in my best attempt to appear the warrior.  

  I guess I didn't have a full recollection of the events that took place as my LPO informed me later that he didn't know who was screaming louder...

  Me or the Rat.

Landed an F-5e at Navy Memphis one day on a completely ice and slush covered runway. Bent a few things on the plane, but when I finally got home I bribed my crew chief with about a truckload of beer and he fixed everything on the QT.

Why'd I do it?  Had a date that night in Memphis, of course.  Just following the number one navigation needle[<]:)]

I was at a Platoon party and was getting pretty lit (I never drank til the Army and was very bad at it at first).  Well, the PL had three hottie roommates and I was drunk enough to ask one to accompany me to the Ranger Ball (Ranger Prom).  I was being all cool and was going to put my hand on the wall and lean over...  only I was like 8 feet from the wall.  I hit the floor with my hand about 3 inches away from the wall...  I did *NOT* get my date...  

Later on, I threw up in the PLs sink and then again later on the PSGs feet...  

RLTW!!!

We used to roll BBs down the barrels of the A2s and fire a blank. The problem was that you had to have the end slightly up to work.
The other fun thing was taking the medical wood swabs for cleaning and snaping them in half to make a sharp point halfway up.
You them took the upper completely off and took out the bolt group. Insert the swab wood part first in the FS end, surround the supressor with your hand closing all the gaps, and blow hard whaile sighting slong the bottom of the upper at the target.
Great dart gun. You could get 20 feet. I got the armory SNCO at 20 some odd feet in the back when he was in his charlies, and he didn't know. It stuck. It was a heck of a shot but then I had to keep my mouth shut cause he got so mad when he found it.

One was cruising down the tank trail in a M88 with the smoke generators fired up to cover up the fact I was hanging off the boom on the rear, pants hanging down, taking a dump [:D].  Ahhh, the good ole' Army days.