YOU MIGHT BE IN LAW ENFORCEMENT TOO LONG....IF....

* You have the bladder capacity of 5 people.
* You have ever restrained someone and it  wasn't a sexual experience.
* You believe at least 50% of people are a waste of skin.
* Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
* You call for a criminal history check on anyone who seems remotely friendly towards you.
* Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal.
* You find humor in other people's stupidity.
* You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
* Your ideal of comforting a child is placing him in a papoose restraint.
* You believe that "shallow gene pool" is sufficient grounds for arrest.
* You believe the government should require background checks and permits prior to reproduction.
* You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, Boy, it's really quiet tonight."
* Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can actually track.
* You believe chocolate is a food group
* You have contemplated holding a seminar titled, "Suicide, getting it right the first time".
* You believe that "too stupid to live" is a valid verdict.
* You have to put the phone down before you begin laughing uncontrollably at the person on the other end.
* You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.
* Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
* When you mention "vegetables", you're not referring to the food group.
* It occurs to you one night that you really have entered "The twilight zone".
* You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
* You are told to deliver a packaged, human body part and you find yourself talking to it in the car on the way to the lab.
* You believe its not a "good death" unless it involves overtime.
* You are the only person introduced by profession at a social gathering.
* You walk into places and people think it highly comical to seize a co-worker and shout "They've come to get you, Frank!".
* People shout "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room in uniform and they think they are being hysterically funny AND original.
* You believe in involuntary sterilization on your say-so