The first lines of the book I write upon retirement.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - The first lines of the book I write upon retirement.

Posted: 1/1/2006 11:10:08 AM EDT

I'm very new, but I keep getting into stuff with funny tales. this is an excerpt from my collision narrative from earlier this morning.

Driver X stated that she and all three passengers were returning from a New Year's Eve celebratioin. They stopped at a Jack in the Box restaurant. Driver X stated that she ordered Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges and began eating them as she was driving uphill on XXXXXXX (SB).

Driver X bit into a Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedge and was shocked to taste a piece of bacon. A self described "Vegan", Driver X began attempting to spit out the pieces of bacon and lost control of Vehicle 1.

Vehicle 1 travelled off of the road, to the W, crossing the sidewalk, striking and destroying a mailbox, before rolling onto its passenger side and coming to rest in front of 8814 XXXXXX St SW.

Posted: 1/1/2006 11:32:26 AM EDT

[#1]

nice

Posted: 1/1/2006 11:57:53 AM EDT

[#2]

aHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Posted: 1/1/2006 12:39:06 PM EDT

[#3]

Blonde???

Posted: 1/1/2006 3:22:39 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
Blonde???

In practice, definitely. As an aside, most Vegans are very thin, almost sickly. Her ID had 5-0/130 on it. Her actual particulars were closer to 5-0/200.

Posted: 1/1/2006 9:54:32 PM EDT

[#5]

Fewer things more pathetic than a fat, dumb vegan....

Posted: 1/2/2006 5:10:50 AM EDT

[#6]

The first line of my book Is going to be I was a dinosaur, an enigma something from the past stuck in the present.......

Posted: 1/2/2006 6:17:28 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Blonde???

She needs BLONDE-STAR!!!!!!!! (Always on, 'cause you're always blonde!!!)

Posted: 1/3/2006 6:54:43 AM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Blonde???

In practice, definitely. As an aside, most Vegans are very thin, almost sickly. Her ID had 5-0/130 on it. Her actual particulars were closer to 5-0/200.

Thank God it wasn't 6-0/200 instead of 5-0/200 and in MO instead of WA. It would have likely been my sister. She is a vegan (

) and I could *definitely* see her doing something like that. My wife always asks how we could come from the same parents, and I always ask if she's never seen the movie "Twins".

Posted: 1/3/2006 6:56:04 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Blonde???

She needs BLONDE-STAR!!!!!!!! (Always on, 'cause you're always blonde!!!)

Anyone here listen to Bob & Tom on the radio (nationally-syndicated morning show)? They had a skit where it was something like that, except it was "nagging wife" instead of merely "blonde".

ETA: It was "The Nagigator," which used your wife's voice instead of the standard OnStar voice. Completely friggin' hilarious.

Posted: 1/3/2006 8:00:05 AM EDT

[#10]

Probably really happened like this:

Driver X, whose BAC could kill a horse, rolled Veh. Driver X convinced ditzy blond girlfriend to cop to driving and concoct appropriate ditzy story. Driver X proceeded to restaurant to purchace potato wedges before calling for assistance.

Posted: 1/3/2006 8:15:34 AM EDT

[#11]

NorCal,

You seem appropriately jaded.

You must have some years of service tucked under your belt.*

Jake.

* Thanks for them, BTW.

Posted: 1/3/2006 8:49:33 AM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
NorCal,

You seem appropriately jaded.

That 'bout sums it up!

Posted: 1/3/2006 10:22:20 AM EDT

[#13]

I forgot (until I just now read your response) that you're the one with the excellent sigline (2nd portion).

Posted: 1/3/2006 1:14:40 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Probably really happened like this:

Driver X, whose BAC could kill a horse, rolled Veh. Driver X convinced ditzy blond girlfriend to cop to driving and concoct appropriate ditzy story. Driver X proceeded to restaurant to purchace potato wedges before calling for assistance.

I'd go for that if they weren't all dangling from their seatbelts when we got there.

Posted: 1/3/2006 3:00:07 PM EDT

[#15]

Go classic...

"It was the best of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges, it was the worst of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges"

GM

Posted: 1/3/2006 7:35:53 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
Go classic...

"It was the best of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges, it was the worst of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges"

GM

That *is* classic, GM.

Me, I'm a fan of cruel irony. Even more delicious, in that vein, would be for a vegan to choke to death on a Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedge. Nay, on second thought, that would actually justify her aversion in some evil alternate parallel universe. It would be even better for it to be a simple Potato Wedge (since both bacon [meat] and cheddar [milk] are verboten in the vegan diet). Sorry; I'm very "stream of consciousness" here.

Posted: 1/4/2006 10:17:56 AM EDT

[#17]

First lines of my book....

"People suck. They really, really do!"

Posted: 1/4/2006 10:44:48 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
First lines of my book....

"People suck. They really, really do!"

Don't know if anyone here watches the medical sitcom Scrubs........

Last season, there was an episode where Dr. Cox (who was also "one of the Bobs" from Office Space) went off on people, ranting about how they weren't good, they were bastards, not even that, they are "candy-coated bastards"..........

I wish I could find that particular transcript to harvest the quote for my quote files.

Posted: 1/4/2006 1:27:59 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Go classic...

"It was the best of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges, it was the worst of Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges"

GM

That *is* classic, GM.

Me, I'm a fan of cruel irony. Even more delicious, in that vein, would be for a vegan to choke to death on a Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedge. Nay, on second thought, that would actually justify her aversion in some evil alternate parallel universe. It would be even better for it to be a simple Potato Wedge (since both bacon [meat] and cheddar [milk] are verboten in the vegan diet). Sorry; I'm very "stream of consciousness" here.

That's nice, but I'm thinking of something shorter. Like, "Vegan's an Bacon make a bad Combination."

Almost rhymes and of course the bacon reference has a double meaning in this regard.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - The first lines of the book I write upon retirement.

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