Alright, war story time... post your personal dumb criminal story.  Anyone caught plagiarizing has to shine Striker's boots (or high heels).

Mine has got to be a guy who stole a credit card in a mugging and ordered pizza to his home with it two hours later.

Lets hear em!

Local10.com
Accidental Fire Leads To Owner's Arrest On Multiple Warrants

POSTED: 5:25 pm EDT August 15, 2005

BROWARD COUNTY, Fla. -- An Oakland Park business owner, whose warehouse went up in flames earlier this month, was arrested Friday on several out-of-county warrants.


Syed Karim

Syed Karim, 36, of Hollywood, was arrested at his attorney’s office.

Broward Sheriff's Office arson detectives were investigating the fire at Universal Cash & Carry at 751 N.E. 44th Court in Oakland Park when a records check revealed Karim was wanted in Highland, Duval and Alachua counties on nine separate warrants for grand theft and obtaining property by writing worthless checks.

Investigators said that they determined that the warehouse fire was started accidentally by the 5-year-old granddaughter of one of the other owners.

Karim is being held on $23,000 bond.

Yet another

Patrol car escapee found dead in water, still cuffed
HORNETS INVOLVED? Man fled a failure-to-appear warrant near Nancy Lake.

By JOE DITZLER
Anchorage Daily News

Published: August 16th, 2005
Last Modified: August 16th, 2005 at 02:04 AM


WASILLA -- Alaska State Troopers identified a body pulled Sunday from Nancy Lake in handcuffs as that of Nicholas Alan Hill, 20, of Wasilla.


Five days earlier, Hill fled from trooper Skip Chadwell's patrol car, parked along the Parks Highway near Willow while Chadwell assisted at a traffic accident, troopers spokesman Greg Wilkinson said.

Hill came into custody of his own doing, Wilkinson explained Monday. He had stopped late Tuesday at a Tesoro station at Mile 99 Parks Highway with car trouble and flagged down Chadwell for assistance, Wilkinson said.

The trooper ran Hill's record as a matter of routine and discovered an outstanding arrest warrant for having missed a court date in Valdez, where he was charged as a minor consuming alcohol, according to a troopers' media report.

Chadwell arrested Hill, handcuffed him, placed him in the patrol car's back seat and belted him in, according to troopers.

Next, Chadwell responded around midnight to a motor-vehicle collision at Mile 65 of the Parks, in which two victims were entrapped. Chadwell, 51, a trooper since March 1999, was the officer closest to the wreck scene, Wilkinson said.

A GMC sport utility vehicle with a family of four from California inside had rolled twice after the driver lost control. The parents were injured. Chadwell, the only officer present, took charge of the scene while paramedics treated the injured parents, Wilkinson explained. He said Chadwell was away from his patrol car 17 minutes.

While Chadwell was away, Hill kicked out a side, rear window and fled, according to the troopers. Hill's prior record shows he'd been charged with minor offenses -- petty theft, underage drinking, driving without a license.

A daylong search, including use of a handheld, infrared device that sees heat signatures at night, failed to locate Hill, troopers state. His description was posted online, and another warrant obtained charging him with escape.

Sometime close to 4:30 p.m. Sunday, someone at the Nancy Lake marina, near Willow, reported a body, handcuffed, in the lake. It was Hill's, Wilkinson said.

The body will be autopsied to determine the precise cause of death, he added.

Wilkinson said Chadwell, who's been assigned to Talkeetna since February 2001, remains on duty. Trooper policy states that officers are responsible for protecting any prisoner from harm and delivering the prisoner to jail safely, Wilkinson said.

"Our feeling, based on common practice, is that handcuffed and seat-belted in the locked rear compartment of a patrol car, there is no way out of custody except using extreme or extraordinary measures, which is what Mr. Hill did," Wilkinson said.

The place where Hill entered the lake is about three-quarters of a mile from the spot on the highway where Chadwell had parked near the accident scene, according to troopers.

"Troopers on the body recovery stepped into a hornet's nest and were stung," Wilkinson said. "Whether he (Hill) encountered that same hornet's nest and headed for the water, we don't know yet. We don't know if he went in accidentally or intentionally."

He said the shoreline near the spot where Hill probably went into the lake slopes about 30 degrees into the water.

Finally one more

Sorry I know these aren't personal stories, but some people just don't learn

Jensen Beach Man Charged With Hiring Hit Man To Kill Wife - Again

POSTED: 7:22 am EDT August 16, 2005

STUART, Fla. -- An inmate has been charged with trying to hire a hit man to kill his wife from behind bars for the second time.

Christopher Sheridan Hoar, 56, of Jensen Beach, has been in jail since October. He was initially charged with aggravated assault with a firearm after allegedly pointing a gun at his wife and threatening to kill her, according to the Martin County Sheriff's Office.

While in jail, Hoar asked an undercover detective to kill his wife for a $10,000 fee and a vehicle, deputies said. Hoar was charged in December with solicitation to commit murder.

Last month, Hoar again asked an undercover detective posing as a hit man to kill his wife in exchange for a fee and a pickup truck, deputies said. He was arrested Friday and again charged with solicitation to commit murder.

Detectives said Hoar was fooled by a photograph they staged with 51-year-old Marcia Hoar lying in a pool of fake blood.

When I was out on a ride back in my cadet days, we were driving down one of the arterial streets in town when a guy starts crossing the street. The deputy I was with had to slam on the brakes to keep from hitting him. The guy flips around and belts out a nice profanity and flips us off, then sees two guys in a marked patrol car looking a quite angry. We tell him to stay where he's at and turn the car around and start to talk to him.
Upon identification we find out he has a warrant from a neighboring state, then the store we stopped in front of has an employee come out and tell us that he just stole some stuff from them. Arrested his accomplice too, think we went felony common scheme on that one if I remember right.

And we never would have known if he would have restrained his social finger.

Booked a guy a while ago who was living in his parents garage.  He had been smoking weed and let his  pocket torch on and ened up burning a majority of the garage and part of the house down.  While investigating the fire, the FD arson/accelerant dog hit on his weed stash.  Needless to say he had to call his parents from jail and tell them about it.  Oh, BTW, his parents were on vacation several states away.

Barricaded suspect who'd been involved in an attempted armored car knock-off out in the NW 'Burbs.

We got the intel of where he was holed up at.  Some of you may recall a post in which I alluded to us lobbing in 25 or so cans of CS....well, this was it.

He keeps telling the nego that if we make entry, he WILL shoot us.  He refuses to come out.  Wants us to "just go away".  Sure....get right on that.

Hours pass.  Lots of hours.  Nothing like standing around in full JBT Dog-Shooting SWAT-Ninja Wrong- House-on-the-Search-Warrant Gear ( just in case anyone from GD is browsing) from early in the AM to early in the AM the NEXT day.  I shit you not....they brought us McMuffins for breakfast.  Twice.

Anyhow, we finally get the go to "Go".  And, off we go.  Hot, dishevled, cranky and full of McMuffins.

Well, he kept his end of the bargin.  He shot.  We shot.  He missed.  We didn't.

All the good guys went home.

Pic, I believe in the Tribue, round page four or so the next day, of our leaking suspect , cuffed, face down on the ground, awaiting the bus, which had been outside the perimeter.  With a McMuffin wrapper near his head.

I shit you not and a true story.

That is my Darwin Candidate for the catagory of Dipshit vs HBT.


Sheep

3rd Shift, too early in the morning, Southwest Indiana.

Guy comes into the 24-hour quickie mart, buys a candybar, opens wallet, pays for said candybar.  Apparently that was all just a trick so he could see how much cash the clerk had in the register.  Guy puts wallet on counter, draws weapon on clerk, demands money.  Clerk gives money.  Guy flees on foot, unkown DOT.  Clerk calls 911, informs dispatch of armed robbery.  Dispatch asks for suspect description, clerk informs dispatch there is no need for that since the suspect left his wallet and ID sitting on the counter.  Officers drive to suspect's residence 5 blocks away, make apprehension in front yard.  

True story.  Last winter.  

Long story made brief:

Guy and Girl are dating.

Girl breaks up with Guy and gets a restraining order.

Guy waits for Girl to get out of her high school and pulls up next to her at a red light, while thier both in their vehicles.

Guy gets out of vehicle, breaks the driver door of her vehicle then hits her and steals her cell phone.

Girl calls the police from her house.

I show up, ask for her cell number and call her phone from her house line. He picks up and simply says, IM COMING OVER YOU BETTER BE THERE, without me even getting out hello..

Guy shows up with a friend, meets 5 of my friends and gets arrested for Violation of an Injunction, Strong Arm Robbery and Criminal Mischief.

Friend goes to sign the A-form and take Guys car home. Friend comes back with a Bench warrant for possession.. Guy and Friend goto jail.

I was out one night on a ride along with a friend.

Very late night/early morning, middle of winter (-20 F) we notice a car in the middle of a field balcked out and running.  Strange place to be considering there is nothing around except the trees that somewhat block the view from the road.  My buddy pulls up and lights them up.  Two heads pop up, oops.  He runs them and basically tells them to get a room.  As we are leaving dispatch comes back and says be advised her husband just called and he is in route to scene. Seems that husband had a scanner and wife was supposed to be at work, double oops. Needless to say they didn't wait around for teh husband to get there.