At my last department, our evidence custodian was such an asshole, we started to put all kinds of wierd shit into evidence...here is my story.

I responded to a 911 call of a one car traffic accident where a person was bleeding bad.  I had just been through the area seconds earlier and thought FTF?

When I double back I see a w/m standing by the road waiving so I stop.  I ask about the crash and he said that a car was going down the road and all of a sudden the hood flew up (not unreasonable) and as a result, the windshield got smashed (again, not too far fetched).  The w/m said that the driver stopped, got out of the vehicle, removed the hood (my 1st clue) and threw the hood in the ditch (my second clue) and drove off.  But due to seeing a lot of blood, the w/m called 911 concerned for the driver.

Well by now I had that feeling we all get when we start to realize...wait a minute...I know this asshole from somewhere.

So I asked the w/m to show me "exactly" where the vehicle stopped and where the hood was.  Well we walk about 100 yards down the street and the w/m points to a hood lying in the grass.  I look at the hood and immediately see that the hood is covered in dust and has obviously been there a while.  I flip the hood over and there is dead grass underneath.

THEN IT HITS ME...I know this asshat from an earlier "shots fired call" where this POS gives his own description as the damn shooter.  Well I start to unload on this dude, cuff him and immediately arrest him for Misuse of 911/false police reporting.

It was then I realized my GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY, I will put the hood into evidence and "be the man".  I expected the evidence SGT to blow a heart valve and he did (not really).

Well I can tell ya, unoffically it was funny shit.  After a week of the hood blocking the damn hallway, the LT made me git rid of it.  The "hey wait...thats evidence" had wore out it's welcome and humor.

BTW, the dumb ass never made bond, pleaded guilty, and was credited for time served.

The entire contents of several chop shops.

On one occasion, I put 5 tons (yes, five tons---10,600lbs) of decorative ironwork in.

A pot of grits.

A dildo (used in a non-sexual battery.)



I won't even go into the crap we are forced to put on the books during Mardi Gras "integrity checks," which can be some seriously asinine stuff to begin with.  The situation is not helped by smartasses (yeah, I've done it myself) who find some citizen in the crowd and send them to another officer with a dime or the like, to give to the officer and tell him/her they found it on the ground.
One never knows what is real, what is an integrity check (and there will be someone from Inspections hanging around to see that you handle it right,) and what is a fellow officer's idea of a joke.

A canoe. This is more notable because we absolutely lack any significant bodies of water.

Quoted: The entire contents of several chop shops. On one occasion, I put 5 tons (yes, five tons---10,600lbs) of decorative ironwork in. A pot of grits. A dildo (used in a non-sexual battery.) I won't even go into the crap we are forced to put on the books during Mardi Gras "integrity checks," which can be some seriously asinine stuff to begin with.  The situation is not helped by smartasses (yeah, I've done it myself) who find some citizen in the crowd and send them to another officer with a dime or the like, to give to the officer and tell him/her they found it on the ground. One never knows what is real, what is an integrity check (and there will be someone from Inspections hanging around to see that you handle it right,) and what is a fellow officer's idea of a joke.

I can see the defense used in that case...."Your honor, after my client watched "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels for the 15th straight time, he was overcome by the urge to beat someone with a dildo"

Well, maybe not placed into evidence, but they were collected..

About 2 years ago, a couple of aliens were walking along the tracks when they decided to rest up for a while.  For some reason they believed that if they slept in between the tracks, the rattle snakes wouldn't bother them.  The engineer said he saw some debree on the tracks, but at the last minute, the debree, sat up and looked at him.  The train scrambled them and made any type of facial ID impossible.   It took them a while to figure out how many were there.  They had a bunch of guys walking up and down finding parts.  They sent a couple of trainees to collect the finger tips so they could scan them on the finger print machine to try and ID the bodies for the Mexican consulate.  The aliens in the detention area were horrified when they came in with a clear plastic evidence bag with a whole bunch of mangled fingers.

A urinal (found in park) and 40 fish that were taken illegally and the local carp-cop demanded I seize them.

As the evidence custodian, here are some things that have been submitted:

A complete KKK "uniform" including hood and several pamphlets found in a dry cleaner bag in the woods


a penny "used as a weapon" (thrown by a high school student at a teacher)

a "baseball bat" (actually about 8" long) used in an Agg Battery

a rope and bottle of rum used in a possible Santaria goat sacrifice


Just a few off the top of my head.  When I think of some more I'll post them . . . .

A half eaten ribeye steak. Dude didn't like the way it was cooked and threw it at his old lady hitting her in the eye. She signed the papers and he made the trip.

That's nothing though. A guy on my Dept once sent a loaf of poop to the lab to be tested for cocaine that the suspect had eaten. I pleaded with him not to do it. There was not enough time for the dope to make it through. He sent it anyway and the Lab threw shit fit. Seriously.

Biggest?  a 16ft kayak.  That REALLY pissed off the evidence tech.

Most expensive?  A shoebox of diamonds each individually wrapped in little twists of tissue.   Believe me,  we REALLY inventoried that one.

Grossest?  A 22 cal H@R revolver used in a homicide.  Guy shoved it up his partner's rectum during sex and emptied the cylinder. The pistol was still in the corpse when we arrived.

Most legendary?  That would have to be  "Big Moe"   from my vice days.

"Big Moe"  was a massive "realistically styled" double headed dildo, about 30" long,  about  8" in diameter, and made of solid latex.   Weighed close to 20 pounds.  I also placed into evidence the VHS tape of two very obese women taking "Big Moe" for a ride.  Turned it in covered with paper bags.  No way in hell was I going to walk thru the building with the thing.

An onion.

Evidence tech was actually able to lift a fairly good latent off of it.

tag

A male inflatable sex doll with vibtating equipment. Late one night we got a disturbance call. My partner was on foot beat and got there first. He would not tell me what he had just to get there quick.
When I arrived there was a crowd of women all laughing and my partner was beyond red with embarrassment. tape to the wall of the elvevator was a blow up sex doll. The ladies were giving my partner hell about comparing equipment. We placed the Suspect into the back seat and transported him to the station. Some how we came up with the idea to put it in the watch commanders office in his chair. We put his hat on it, found a set of stripes for his arm and left him there. Unfortunately we had a major call and did not get back to remove it before the on coming shift got to see it. Now my sergeant was embarassed. He made us carry it to the property room through the station without un inflating it.. much to the cat call and laughter of the other shift. no one ever did come to claim this found property........

Quoted: An onion. Evidence tech was actually able to lift a fairly good latent off of it.

I have lifted prints off of an apple and a partially eaten pear, (alos submitted into evidnece) but never an onion.

Quoted: Quoted: An onion. Evidence tech was actually able to lift a fairly good latent off of it. I have lifted prints off of an apple and a partially eaten pear, (alos submitted into evidnece) but never an onion.

Fruits and veggies are our friends !

Originally Posted By Johninausti Grossest?  A 22 cal H@R revolver used in a homicide.  Guy shoved it up his partner's rectum during sex and emptied the cylinder. The pistol was still in the corpse when we arrived.

Oh my god! That's terrible!

I didn't log it, but our Police Boat had found a big zip-loc baggy floating in the lake, probably like a 1 gallon size baggy.

This person had figured with a day of boating, he should take precautions to keep his personal items dry.

An inventory of the baggie (as I recall)

1) wallet, containing various credit cards, a reasonable amount of cash, an IL drivers license

2) a small wad of non important recipts and some papers with small notes on them of nothing of any aparent significance.

3) 1 small pipe with residue and a substance that appeared to be marijuana.

The chief put a memo in the day book, that the subject had been contacted re: his found property and stated he would come up to get them.  He was to be issued a citation for possesion when he got to the PD.