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Posted: 8/28/2004 5:23:08 PM EDT
[#1]
Ha, this could be a good thread!
I had a guy in the back seat and was taking him over to where one of the other guys had a few and was waiting for transport. The tansport unit got there early and was about to leave. "Hey, is transport still there, tell him not to pull out yet, I'm comming" 
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Posted: 8/28/2004 5:24:30 PM EDT
[#2]
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Posted: 8/28/2004 5:28:55 PM EDT
[#3]
"Tell the shift supervisor that if i'm not back at 2300, i'm still out in the field"hy.gif
open mics are also a Bad Thing. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 5:32:06 PM EDT
[#4]
nevermind ... hit active topics and thought this was general discussion
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Posted: 8/28/2004 5:51:40 PM EDT
[#5]
no comment......
 But I almost put over the funniest unautorized transmission ever the day jim McGreevy "came out" I was about to say "all units stand by for a message from the governor of NJ, Jim Mcgreevy"...... and then play the Big gay Al "I'm super" song from the south park movie (i have it on my cell phone and lots of other funny shit) but I bitched out 
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Posted: 8/28/2004 6:19:22 PM EDT
[#6]
We had a dispatcher get pissed off at an officer she tensed up so much she keyed the foot petal and over the radio came ".....WELL JUST FUCK ME TO TEARS"
That was a good one. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 6:37:56 PM EDT
[#7]
well, our lieutenent was in a foot persuit from an assault with a knife. You heard him breathing hard, giving his location then "YOU BETTER STOP, MOTHER FUCKER!!!." We were all in the hole (subways) listening from the begining. We all had our radios pretty loud. It was like a movie the way EVERYONE just stopped and looked at us. (And that's saying alot with a NY Subway crowd)
I also know of a female officer in a local precinct that like to moan over the air. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 6:39:44 PM EDT
[#8]
WTF
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Posted: 8/28/2004 7:03:56 PM EDT
[#9]
Working midnights.
I had a partner that would key the mic and flush the toilet. He’d keep it keyed until the toilet filled all the way up. We have MDT's in our cars. The system was down and a female officer asked, "Is it up yet"? Colt_SBR |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 7:09:11 PM EDT
[#10]
One of the dispatchers stated over an open mic while talking to some else "I may be a catholic but I sure aint a virgin".
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Posted: 8/28/2004 9:37:58 PM EDT
[#11]
We responded to a large Hatian woman, who was complainting of abdominal pain.
Now, for some reason, when Hatians are in pain, they sometimes howl out this "OWWIE, OWWIE, OWWIE!" song...non-stop. Well...this particular woman was singing the "Hatian Pain Song", big time. Well...after getting her into the truck, starting an IV, running an ECG, ect, ect, we had been there for a little while, because she did not speak English...and was not entirely cooperative. AND, she was singing her song...the entire time. It was my partners turn to ride in the back, so I get up front to drive us in. I pick up the truck radio to put us enroute...but Im getting no response...So, I figure something must be wrong with the truck radio... I pick up the portable and tune it to the proper channel...and, over the airwaves I hear "OWWIE, OWWIE, OWWIE!" The rear mic for the truck radio was keyed the whole time, and we brodcast a hearfelt rendition of the Hatian Pain Song over the airwaves for about 20 minutes. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 10:41:11 PM EDT
[#12]
We feign innocence and occasionally ask co-workers to repeat themselves on the radio, staing that they're "weak and broken".
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Posted: 8/29/2004 12:50:47 AM EDT
[#13]
.
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Posted: 8/29/2004 5:41:13 AM EDT
[#14]
I occasionally fill in for dispatch if someone is out sick (an I need some overtime). After a long night in the small, windowless room, I have been known to get kind of loopy. One morning, the phone rang. I keyed up the mike and said over the air "Police department, how may I help you?" You could still hear the phone ringing in the background.
One officer sat on his mobile mike, and treated us all to his entire order at McDonalds. Had a Sgt. pull a car over for suspected DUI one night. As he was running the driver info, the driver got out of the car. The sgt. picked up what he thought was the PA mike and yelled "Get back in the fucking car, NOW". It wasn't the PA mike. I was on a hill that overlooks the baseball diamond on campus when I saw a couple trespassing on the field. I called another unit and told them that I had a couple "making out" on the baseball field. The other unit asked me where the couple was at, and without thinking I replied "Looks like their almost on second base." Dave |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 8:08:14 AM EDT
[#15]
Yelled "SHIT!" once, got away with it. (I was being rammed and it resulted in a shooting. I tell people I got an award for cursing the best over the air.)
Said "Hell" once while directing traffic (only dispatch and a few officers noticed, got away with it) Picked up the mic instead of the PA and called out for a worker in a grain storage area. A Sgt with the same name answer on the radio. I got laughed at, and the worst part was I had a recruit with me. Some FTOing  Art in KY |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 8:35:34 AM EDT
[#16]
While working the "Control Modual" at my inst. I was calling (on the phone) around to all the units givin' 'em a "six up" on one prick Lt. that had left the building on tour...
Y'know... "get yer feet off the desk... look bizzy... dickhead is out an' about" Only after I had finished calling aound did I notice that the corner of a log book had shifted and was pressing down on the transmit key on the desk mic.  When he returned to my building and came into the office for something all I got was an uneasy sense that he had heard t all... Everone else did, but didn't bother to warn me.... Solid buch eh? 
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Posted: 8/29/2004 12:30:54 PM EDT
[#17]
During my academy we were doing mock scenes of felony stops. The officer conducting the stop grabbed the radio instead of the PA and screamed "HAND WHERE I CAN SEE THEM OR YOU MIGHT GET SHOT"
dispatch went insane Anyhow, I like MCT's hehe, running names over the computer is so much better than over the air, saves some embarassing moments :) |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 12:53:26 PM EDT
[#18]
about a year ago we had an officer lean into another officer's window and lean right on the radio. They stopped a D/D who kept saying he was a cop. The officer commented to the one sitting in the car " I bet you $10 he's from ________ county. he drives like most of them do sober"... That didn't go over well.
J |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 1:00:23 PM EDT
[#19]
what the hell are you trying to say? is that in english? |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 1:37:10 PM EDT
[#20]
Worst I had was my first week in FTO, I was watching a crack house get torn down. The day was rainy and my lapel mike got water in it and went open. I didnt realize it over the sounds of the trucks. Well I was walking over to tell a guy to move his car with one of the construction workers when a huge pitbull comes running around the corner, barking like crazy.. I didnt see the rope tied to him at first and kinda jumped back and yelled "Holy shit that Fuckin dog better be tied up or im gonna shoot it!"......I was wondering why my FTO started screaming at me waving his hands pointing to the radio. After that We were both called into the SGTs office. I was told to go get a new radio now and that was all I got from the bosses. But I heard about that "fuckin dog" for my whole time in FTO.
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Posted: 8/29/2004 2:06:00 PM EDT
[#21]
I've heard the them for "Batman" over the PA stories..................
One of my co-workers had to do a "round-up" of some loose horses. He was trying to keep them from the road, so he used the PA. Our PA's/Radios are intergrated so sometimes you get both when you just want one................All of a sudden "a horse is a horse of course, of course" is coming over the radio................. |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 3:22:26 PM EDT
[#22]
I called out on " operation golden flow". it was night shift of course.
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Posted: 8/29/2004 3:43:29 PM EDT
[#23]
Yea, I keyed the mike the other day... flushed the toilet... and then said "Bravo 9 Wildwood, I'm 10-8"
. When I exited the bathroom and walked to dispatch they were all rolling.Then a while back, one of my guys called in to clear a call and stated something to thew effect "for the most part there has been no criminal activity" at that time I was in dispatch and dared the dispatcher to responed something to the effect "10-4, what about the other part?" and damned if she didn't  .Ya just gotta have fun sometimes. |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 3:48:20 PM EDT
[#24]
One of our rooks was in a foot chase and was calling his position, when he started to runb through wet cement. The resulting "Fuck" was loud and clear. Swearing is the only intelligible radio traffic in a foot pursuit. In all fairness I usually sound like I'm shitting kittens in a foot chase. But now I chase them from inside the car, or sick a rookie on them.
stay safe BTW this thread is hilarious |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 4:09:02 PM EDT
[#25]
One day while talking to my fiancie on the Nextel I grabbed the mike to respond to the dispatcher. Went to contiune the conversation with her and forgetting that I still had the mike in my hand and said "ok Babe"
over the Radio. Starting getting MDT's from the dispatcher and the fiancie.Dan |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 5:30:06 PM EDT
[#26]
We've had a dispatcher inadvertently leave her mic keyed and we all got to hear her sing "I wanna be like Mike" for about a minute and a half.
While on a mental case call, I was keyed and talking as the crazy naked woman we had caught running in the street decided to scream "I need some dick!" as loud as possible. At my old dept. we were treated to the following one day: "Driver, step out of the car." Mic stayed keyed. "Driver, exit your vehicle." "Sir! Get out of your vehicle!" "Driver, step out of the car, do it now!" "Driver! Get out of your car now!!!!" "Get the fuck out of your car right fucking now motherfucker!!!!!!" Mic is unkeyed. "###; be advised you're on the radio, not your PA." |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 6:01:14 PM EDT
[#27]
"Say again your last. You're coming in broken up and stupid, over."
I was transporting a seriously billigerent drunk to the ER for med clearence prior to going to detox one night. Did a radio patch with this absulute bitch of an ER nurse who kept demanding to know who the drunks primary medical doctor was. I told her three or four times that i was a bit busy, that he was too intoxicated to tell me and that it wasn't germaine to the call anyway, but she kept demanding to know. I finally handed the radio mic to the drunk and let him talk to her for a couple of minutes. I got written up for that one, but it was worth it. |
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Posted: 8/29/2004 6:01:42 PM EDT
[#28]
This was not on the radio...but much worse.
Our Battalion Chief was hanging out at the station shooting the BS with us one day, and the conversation turned to our new, updated uniform policy (parts of which, some people are a little confused about) One part of the policy reads "all crewmembers of any apparatus shall always be wearing the same uniform" (polo shirt, class A uniform, jumpsuit, ect.) which is completely reasonable...but the question arises "What happens if one guy on the truck decides to take a shower, and get into his jumpsuit...and then we get dispatched out while the other guys are still in their daytime uniforms?" Anyway...there was a big discussion about how vague the policy is written, and how stupid some parts of it are. Culminating in the Battalion Chief saying "Shit...I dont care if you guys all match when I come up on a scene" The conversation went on for a little while, and then switched to the topic of a firefighter at another station who was forced to take a Confederate Flag sticker off of the bumper of his personal vehicle...because "somebody" was offended by it. The conversation was a little spirited, and included our company officer doing his best voice impersonation of THE Fire Chief...and culminated with Me saying "Fuck that...Ill paint my car up like the General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard if I damn well please". Well...about an hour later, we found out that our Battalion Chief had leaned up against something and bumped the "send" button on his department issue cell phone. It dialed THE Fire Chief, in his office...he listened to the whole conversation. 
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Posted: 8/29/2004 10:16:19 PM EDT
[#29]
It wasn't me, but the funniest open mike I ever heard was one of our disoatchers and his wireless headset. He got up to go to the bathroom and we heard the door shut, toilet lid come up, piss hitting water forever (he must have had lots of coffee) and then it cut off right befor ehe floshed because someone (well lots of folks) called in and told his partner who unplegged the headset.
Silence for about thirty seconds, then someone key up and said "feel better?" |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 12:48:31 AM EDT
[#30]
I dispatch for Fire, Police, EMS, and sometimes public works. I'm one of the more well liked dispatchers becuase I don't care what I say over the radios. No swearing or anything, but lots of other stuff. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and am very professional, but what's the fun in going to work if you can't have fun?
"Trucker talk" over the Public Works radio to my buddies in the PW dept. PW superintendent doesn't like that very much. Telling the girl I know in the water department office that she's "Lound and Clear on my big antenna" when asked for a radio check. Telling the cops 2 people are having sex behind an address. Another time, I got a call from a paper delivery guy at 430AM for 2 people screwing in front of the front door to thier house. Cops suprised the first couple, but never found the second. Dispatching EMS to a "Bleeding Penis". When I called to get a medic, they dispatched thier medics to a groin hemmorhage. Where's the fun in a groin hemmorhage? Dispatching Fire to a "Man with his testicles stuck in a toilet". That response got an engine and a rescue. The chief was trying not to laugh at the scene. This was probably one of my all time best calls. I get a call from a nursing home that a man with an edema in his sack got his sack stuck in a toilet and they couldn't get it out. It was stuck in the out pipe. They said they had tried to free the guy, but couldn't. Now bear in mind this guy didn't need an ambulance, so technically this call was dispatched as a rescue. Funny stuff. One time at an ambulance call, a senile old lady called me sexy. Yeah. |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 6:09:39 AM EDT
[#31]
I rolled up on 2 hispanics breaking into a car. Needless to say, one took off running. I jumped out of the car, fixed on him, and began to chase him. Of course I key up the mic to give out the suspect description right as I'm passing his partner. Well, the first thing everyone heard was the sound of the mic breaking squeelch then me yelling "get on the fucking ground" followed by a calm suspect description of the suspect as I ran after him. Of course I happened to look down and notice that my mic was keyed just as I dropped the F-bomb. The incident was kinda forgotten about since one of your guys ended up fighting the suspect and his Taser wouldn't work. His cursing about the Taser greatly over-shadowed mine.
Oh, and I've been knowing to call someone "Farva" once or twice when they did something "less than bright". |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 6:35:47 AM EDT
[#32]
It wasn't me but one of our guys was trying to find a burglary suspect that ran into the woods the other night. He saw him and started to call out his position on the radio, but all he said was"GET ON THE GROUND MOTHERFUCKER, GET ON THE GROUND MOTHERFUCKER, GET ON THE GROUND MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! Everybody really gave him hell for that one.
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Posted: 8/30/2004 9:00:43 AM EDT
[#33]
Hahahaha...great thread.
Besides the usual mic-for-PA mistake or occasional F-bomb, The funniest one I had heard was my partner. He had just picked up a "found" disabled boy. The boy was about 17 but the mental age of maybe 4 or 5. My buddy picked him up, put him in the front seat and tried to find out were he lived. The boy's parents finally called and my partner took the boy home. When he got there, he left the boy in the air conditioned car and went to speak to the parents. While he was on the porch talking to the dad, the boy was entertaining the neighborhood with a rousing rendtition of "The wheels on the bus go round and round" over the PA system (or so my buddy thought). Turns out the boy had grabbed the radio mic and my buddy thought it was the PA because of his earpiece, and just let him play for about 4 minutes. 4 minutes of songs and "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii daaaaaaaaddy, I am a cop, I am a cop lookit meeeeeeeeeeeeee" until they were able to get hold of the officer by his cell phone. 
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Posted: 8/30/2004 9:52:51 AM EDT
[#35]
On my department, you would have been shown the door. |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 10:02:13 AM EDT
[#36]
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Posted: 8/30/2004 10:16:24 AM EDT
[#37]
Should I get hired and make it through the academy I will run a thread here dedicated to you with that quote as the text. "Look at me daddy! I'm a policeman!" That is just too damn funny. I've got a couple similiar stories involving the ships address system (1MC) from my days in the Navy. They are funny but aren't exactly on topic. I'll add that I've worked for large enough beauracractic orgs. and the military enough to still laugh at and appreciate your comics. They are sweet. |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 3:40:21 PM EDT
[#38]
I’m riding with another officer; I think we just dropped off a unit for repair. He wants to make a traffic stop. Now, this guy almost NEVER says any curse words. Blues are on, sound is a go, and this woman will NOT move so we can stop the motorcycle we intend to. As I’m keying up to call in the stop he says “bitch, pull over, don’t you see me!” I let go of the mic. “We had background, repeating stop……”
Later I ask dispatch if they heard any thing unusual. Oh yes, they sure as hell did. The bosses were not in the building so I had them play it back to me. I then played it though the building as a page. Some what related, wife (then girl friend) is on her way home in bad weather. I’ve got her on cell and dispatch on the land line. I’m at the jail and just hooked up a wanted guy. I tell her, “I love you, buckle up, and drive carefully. Ill see you soon”. I get “I love you too, but where is the seat belt on this chair?” Wrong phone, and a great dispatcher. Art in KY |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 3:54:11 PM EDT
[#39]
I was on night FTX'es. In a convoy with the scout platoon when suddenly the convoy stopped. We were in blackout drive and it was nighttime.
Seems that several hundred yards ahead, there was a Ford Taurus in the way...the lead Bradley driver had his Thermal NOD (night vision) on. and saw the heat signatures of the Taurus. Bn TOC called us on the commo and asked us for s sitrep (Situation Report). After a few minutes pregnent pause...the response came across... uhh...Mustang six, this is Bravo - two four...we are at coordinate 123456, over Bravo - two four, what's your situation, over? ummm...Mustang six, this is Bravo - two four...we are stopped at this time, over Bravo - two four, what's your situation, over? Bravo - two four, what's your situation, over? ummm...Mustang six, this is Bravo - two four...we ran intos some ...uhh... "nature lovers" over... Seems there was a young stud and his GF going at it inside the car...completely unaware that a company of M1's and Bradleys are waching thier every ...err...move with the thermal NOD's... pretty creative commo transmission, don't you think? |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 11:29:57 PM EDT
[#40]
Going on a call of a reported brush fire in the neighborhood and I was in our main engine out. While I was suitin up, the guy driving was asking dispatch the location. When we turned the corner, we found the fire, w/ flames shootin about 50 feet in the air in the woods. He keyed up again to report we were on scene and at the same time I said and I quote "Holy fuck what a fire" I was kindly embarassed cause the fire was next to chief's house and I just knew he heard it. Luckily the only people that heard it were the two in the truck.
Maki 
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Posted: 8/31/2004 12:26:32 AM EDT
[#41]
Sounds like the audio from a certain video involving several helicopters and a convertible parked in a carport. Great thread though. Lots of laughs! |
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Posted: 8/31/2004 12:33:23 AM EDT
[#42]
This is an awesome thread. By far one of the best!!!
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Posted: 8/31/2004 9:09:36 PM EDT
[#43]
As a new rook I would call a tag or name in using phonetics but then run into a letter that I forgot the phonetic for so I'd get flustered and couldn't even make one up so I'd go through the rest of the tag or name just saying the letter. Sounded really retarded.
Funniest thing I heard was when county dispatch called an officer and then a few moments later the officer calls back "can you 10-9(repeat) my 10-12(visitor) can't shut his mouth" and in the background you could hear someone who was obviously pissed. Probably had to be there. |
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Posted: 8/31/2004 9:29:14 PM EDT
[#44]
Bwhahahahahahah!
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Posted: 9/1/2004 11:54:03 AM EDT
[#45]
A few weeks ago when I started back at school I moved to a different fire station in a different county. Last week while responding to an automatic fire alarm I keyed the mike and told dispatch we were responding. They came over the air with a vague "huh?" when I realized that I responded with my old station number/unit and the wrong county dispatch. Oops!?!?!
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Posted: 9/1/2004 4:47:54 PM EDT
[#46]
One night a couple of the guys were paired up. In the middle of the shift, when things were pretty quiet, one of the guys breaks the silence. "OUR SHIT IS ON FIRE!". I started heading over there as quick as I could but by the time I got there, their Tahoe was burnt to the ground. Only the frame was partially left. It kind of looked like a movie scene where a car was bombed or something.
The guys said that they were driving along by some sugar cane fields when they saw smoke comming from the hood. The driver popped the hood and that's when they could see the flames comming out. They spent their fire extinguisher, but it wasn't enough and help was too far away. They managed to grab their gear and get back. We found out later that it was caused by a short in the electrical system. |
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Posted: 9/1/2004 10:46:48 PM EDT
[#47]
ohh man I can't believe I'm gonna tell eveyone this...
I'm fresh off the FTO program and a 911 comes in of a fire in a field. So as I'm heading over a bridge to get there I see the fire, a real flamer. So I yell into the radio "IT'S A REAL FIRE!!" Needless to say my co-workers were soon asking me "So what does a fake fire look like?" A old co-worker airing "I'm 10-19 (back at the station) to drop the kiddies off at the pool." Yet another co-worker - during graves at about 4am - screams into the mic "RAWLINS, 4!!!" The dispatcher responding in a very exiced "GO AHEAD!!!!" And here it comes in the soft gentle voice...."I'm clear." A call about two females in a city fountain - the big decoration thing with water shooting out of it. Get there and give them the same routine speach of "Knock your shit off." and when we clear "10-8 they were warned for doing laps in the fountain. God bless the dispatcher......they put up with so much. David |
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Posted: 9/2/2004 7:51:33 AM EDT
[#48]
THAT one would earn you a world-class @$$ whipping on my shift!
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Posted: 9/3/2004 5:19:04 PM EDT
[#49]
.
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Posted: 9/5/2004 3:21:14 PM EDT
[#50]
The dispatcher can tell which officer is transmitting by pulling up the serial number of the radio when the mic is keyed in emergency cases...So one night it had been very quiet on the radio when very loudly all you hear is "Motherfucker get off me!! I'll kill you you sonuvabitch!!" Dispatch immediately called "Kilo12(?) are you code-J(secure)?" A brief pause then "Kilo 12 is code-J...My partner and I had a slight disagreement!!" Apparently his K-9 bit him over him not sharing his sandwich!!
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