The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day'" the cop said.
The kid replied,"Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could".
When the cop finally stopped laughing he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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The man was in no shape to drive so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily home, a policeman stopped him, "What are you doing out here at 2am? asked the officer.
The man replied "I'm going to a lecture".
The cop said "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"
The man replied "my wife".