How much time did you take off when you and your wife had a child?

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - How much time did you take off when you and your wife had a child? (Page 1 of 2)

Posted: 7/5/2010 7:50:53 PM EDT

We had our first baby on June 24th! I was ready to go back to work tomorrow, but my supervisor called me and told me to take another week off.

Even though I am really busy helping my wife with the little guy, I feel a little bad because of my work obligation. I don't want to abuse the system, but my supervisor told me to stay home.

Should I feel bad for not getting back to work?

How long did you all take off/were allowed off?

Posted: 7/5/2010 8:00:22 PM EDT

[#1]

With FMLA, you can take up to 6 months, IIRC.

I ended up taking off three weeks, which ended up, by total coincidence, to take me to the end of deer season.

Don't feel bad about taking off, though. Especially if this is your first. Take time to get to know your son, and let mom rest. Work will still be there when you get back..its not like your taking off just to take off.

And congratulations.

Posted: 7/5/2010 11:02:40 PM EDT

[#2]

Congrats! I took about three weeks for both my kids. Enjoy the time you have at home; there will always be bad guys to catch.

Posted: 7/5/2010 11:58:31 PM EDT

[#3]

We had twin girls 6 months ago. I took 1 month off using a combination of sick and vacation. Only one person had a problem with it, and he was told to STFU.
I applied for and was granted FMLA. I did not use it, but viewed it as a parachute....nice to have if things started to go downhill.

Your desire to get back to work is admirable. But remember some things:

1...barring a horrible event, your child will be with you for the rest of your life.
2...you married your wife with the expectation of growing old and together
3...If you're really, really lucky, and young, you can hopefully work in law enforcement for a max of about 40 years. Assuming you still love the job after all that time, and are lucky enough to be in a position/department that allows you to work that long.
4....the goal is to live alot longer than 40 years.

Staying home to take care of your wife during this time is very important to her. She' going to through all sorts of crazy hormonal changes in addition to learning to deal with/handle this amazing small person who can only cry for communication right now.

I've been on the job 6 1/2 years now. I spoke to an older cop who's got 22 years on, and asked him if he still loved the job. He stated unequivocally YES! I asked what his secret was since so many guys I've seen with that amount of time on are kinda fried and wanting to retire. He said the secret for him was to maintain an even keel. He tried to avoid the highs and the lows. He reminded me this is not a sprint, its a marathon. You can bust your balls for 30 years, lock up a felon every day, and there will still be more crime out there. Not to be depressing or down...its just a fact of life.

I take pride in my work and do my job to the utmost of my ability, (not saying you or others dont), but I also recognize that devoting myself to my job only will leave my wife and girls on the outside looking in. And I feel that my three girls, (wife & daughters) are the most important thing on earth.

Hope that all makes sense....

Nick

ETA-horrible manners on my part, Congrats on the birth of your child!

Posted: 7/5/2010 11:58:52 PM EDT

[#4]

I took 5 weeks off the week after my son was born. Would not have waited a week, but I finally had gotten a slot as a firearms instructor and the in-house "weeding out" class was one week long. We talked about it ahead of time though and she was okay with it. Only part that sucked about the time off was having to shave off my goatee at the end.

Posted: 7/6/2010 12:13:36 AM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
We had twin girls 6 months ago. I took 1 month off using a combination of sick and vacation. Only one person had a problem with it, and he was told to STFU.
I applied for and was granted FMLA. I did not use it, but viewed it as a parachute....nice to have if things started to go downhill.

Your desire to get back to work is admirable. But remember some things:

1...barring a horrible event, your child will be with you for the rest of your life.
2...you married your wife with the expectation of growing old and together
3...If you're really, really lucky, and young, you can hopefully work in law enforcement for a max of about 40 years. Assuming you still love the job after all that time, and are lucky enough to be in a position/department that allows you to work that long.
4....the goal is to live alot longer than 40 years.

Staying home to take care of your wife during this time is very important to her. She' going to through all sorts of crazy hormonal changes in addition to learning to deal with/handle this amazing small person who can only cry for communication right now.

I've been on the job 6 1/2 years now. I spoke to an older cop who's got 22 years on, and asked him if he still loved the job. He stated unequivocally YES! I asked what his secret was since so many guys I've seen with that amount of time on are kinda fried and wanting to retire. He said the secret for him was to maintain an even keel. He tried to avoid the highs and the lows. He reminded me this is not a sprint, its a marathon. You can bust your balls for 30 years, lock up a felon every day, and there will still be more crime out there. Not to be depressing or down...its just a fact of life.

I take pride in my work and do my job to the utmost of my ability, (not saying you or others dont), but I also recognize that devoting myself to my job only will leave my wife and girls on the outside looking in. And I feel that my three girls, (wife & daughters) are the most important thing on earth.

Hope that all makes sense....

Nick

ETA-horrible manners on my part, Congrats on the birth of your child!

1st off Congrats...secondly, this is the best advice I've heard to date....18 years in for me and it rings as true as the first day I pinned on a badge!

Take the time....take all the time you can, the Boss gave it to you for a reason, anyone with kids has been there!

You will not get this time with your first baby back...and you will miss it when it's gone....in a good way, but still!

Again, take the time––-the job ain't goin' nowhere..

Posted: 7/6/2010 1:34:40 AM EDT

[#6]

I took a month off when we had our first (and only) son almost two years ago. I wanted to go back to work after about a week but some of the guys who had kids said to take atleast a month off. I am so glad that I did, there are so many memories and good times (and poopy diapers) that I would have missed if I had gone back. If you can afford to, take atleast a month off.

Posted: 7/6/2010 1:56:53 AM EDT

[#7]

n/m

Posted: 7/6/2010 4:11:28 AM EDT

[#8]

Took two weeks FMLA, then four weeks of paid leave (vacation), for six weeks total.

That time was really irreplaceable, and my only regret is not taking more. The only reason I didn't was because I wanted to take a vacation later that year (really a "show the baby off to relatives" tour) and needed to save some time.

Posted: 7/6/2010 4:27:36 AM EDT

[#9]

5 days

Posted: 7/6/2010 4:40:54 AM EDT

[#10]

I saved up my benefit time and took a couple of weeks.

Posted: 7/6/2010 4:52:30 AM EDT

[#11]

With my first child, she was born on a sunday, I went back to work on monday, her mother stayed with here while I went to work, but the boss only let me work for half a day then told me I had to leave for the rest of the day paid

I didn't put up much a fight!

Posted: 7/6/2010 4:55:07 AM EDT

[#12]

First baby, two days, my mother in law was here anyway.
2nd baby, a week

Posted: 7/6/2010 5:02:30 AM EDT

[#13]

Congrats!!! I wish I could take another week...

First baby, I took like 2 days,

2nd was a week, so I could care for the older child while the wife was taking care of the baby and recuperating

3rd was two weeks, wife has a c-section and needed the help

4th was also two weeks, had to take care of 3 kids, while the wife handled the baby

5th is two weeks, I go back tomorrow night

If your work is telling you to go ahead and take an extra week, then take the extra week, unless it's unpaid, or unless you and your wife are driving each other crazy.

Posted: 7/6/2010 5:38:17 AM EDT

[#14]

month for both. I needed the vacation from work just as much as my wife needed help at home. All paid (I dont call in sick unless absolutley 0on my death bed so I have close to 5000hours of sick in my bank).

J-

Posted: 7/6/2010 7:01:39 AM EDT

[#15]

Congrats. I took 1 week with both kids. I work 2nd shift so I was home plenty to help her out during the day and over night. Being a small agency, it would have put everyone else in too much of a bind to take off more. But the small agency side also allows me to stop by the house anytime I need to as well.

Posted: 7/6/2010 7:16:53 AM EDT

[#16]

Three weeks after the baby was born... which tacked on to a total of three months I was off due to a broken leg. I had planned on taking at least three, maybe four or five anyway, but I didn't want to burn all of my comp and sick time up. I guess I kind of timed that one perfectly

Posted: 7/6/2010 5:29:41 PM EDT

[#17]

Thanks for the responses. I feel better about taking another week. It is nice having bosses who understand and are family orientated.

Stay safe out there!!!

Posted: 7/6/2010 6:40:37 PM EDT

[#18]

My department only allowed 120 hours. I was on 12's at the time. So it worked out to 21 days off. 10 shifts and 11 regular days off.

Posted: 7/6/2010 6:46:55 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
We had twin girls 6 months ago. I took 1 month off using a combination of sick and vacation. Only one person had a problem with it, and he was told to STFU.
I applied for and was granted FMLA. I did not use it, but viewed it as a parachute....nice to have if things started to go downhill.

Your desire to get back to work is admirable. But remember some things:

1...barring a horrible event, your child will be with you for the rest of your life.
2...you married your wife with the expectation of growing old and together
3...If you're really, really lucky, and young, you can hopefully work in law enforcement for a max of about 40 years. Assuming you still love the job after all that time, and are lucky enough to be in a position/department that allows you to work that long.
4....the goal is to live alot longer than 40 years.

Staying home to take care of your wife during this time is very important to her. She' going to through all sorts of crazy hormonal changes in addition to learning to deal with/handle this amazing small person who can only cry for communication right now.

I've been on the job 6 1/2 years now. I spoke to an older cop who's got 22 years on, and asked him if he still loved the job. He stated unequivocally YES! I asked what his secret was since so many guys I've seen with that amount of time on are kinda fried and wanting to retire. He said the secret for him was to maintain an even keel. He tried to avoid the highs and the lows. He reminded me this is not a sprint, its a marathon. You can bust your balls for 30 years, lock up a felon every day, and there will still be more crime out there. Not to be depressing or down...its just a fact of life.

I take pride in my work and do my job to the utmost of my ability, (not saying you or others dont), but I also recognize that devoting myself to my job only will leave my wife and girls on the outside looking in. And I feel that my three girls, (wife & daughters) are the most important thing on earth.

Hope that all makes sense....

Nick

ETA-horrible manners on my part, Congrats on the birth of your child!

This...AMEN. And CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Posted: 7/6/2010 8:17:48 PM EDT

[#20]

My wife delivered our first child saturday on July 3rd.

I'm taking off till August 16th. Being our first child we are learning just how to do all the things. I know I'll look forward to going back to work by then but now I'm stressed out like a mofo learning.

P.S. Please tell me it gets easier!

Posted: 7/6/2010 8:19:10 PM EDT

[#21]

allowed 12 weeks took none and boy was she pissed

Posted: 7/7/2010 2:45:49 AM EDT

[#22]

Quoted:
5 days

We don't work for the same agency do we?

I know FMLA allows 6 months but after 5 shifts I get a write up I'd have to fight for "abuse of sicktime"... even when I would beat that paper, it would still be in my file.

I took five days for my daughter.... if/when the wife and I have another, I'll take more time and take the paper in the file for the "alleged" offense. In the long run, I think it's worth it. I'm kicking myself now for not having taken more time for my first.

Posted: 7/7/2010 6:58:37 AM EDT

[#23]

Two weeks, but I also used FMLA intermittent, which means you can take off whenever the need arises. So doctor appointments, when your wife needs help our you realize that she is having the baby blues and you dont want to leave her alone. Just call in FMLA.

Posted: 7/7/2010 3:27:52 PM EDT

[#24]

10 days

Posted: 7/7/2010 4:01:30 PM EDT

[#25]

3 weeks.

Posted: 7/7/2010 4:10:55 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
We had our first baby on June 24th! I was ready to go back to work tomorrow, but my supervisor called me and told me to take another week off.

Even though I am really busy helping my wife with the little guy, I feel a little bad because of my work obligation. I don't want to abuse the system, but my supervisor told me to stay home.

Should I feel bad for not getting back to work?

How long did you all take off/were allowed off?

congratulations, i just had my first daughter on the 25th of June so we're in the same boat! i'm taking off till July 17, a little over three weeks, i figure she'll be good to go by then,

Posted: 7/7/2010 5:56:55 PM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:

Quoted:
5 days

We don't work for the same agency do we?

I know FMLA allows 6 months but after 5 shifts I get a write up I'd have to fight for "abuse of sicktime"... even when I would beat that paper, it would still be in my file.

I took five days for my daughter.... if/when the wife and I have another, I'll take more time and take the paper in the file for the "alleged" offense. In the long run, I think it's worth it. I'm kicking myself now for not having taken more time for my first.

This negates the reason behind FMLA. If this has actually happened your union should step in on behalf of all the members, not just you.

Since FMLA, guys have taken plenty of "manternity leave" without adverse actions. My kids were all born prior to FMLA so I just used accrued annual for a week.

Posted: 7/7/2010 7:05:31 PM EDT

[#28]

Took off two weeks. Its about to be his first B day and they wanted to send me to training and miss it. Nobody could understand why I was so pissed about going.

Posted: 7/7/2010 10:45:13 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:

Quoted:
5 days

We don't work for the same agency do we?

I know FMLA allows 6 months but after 5 shifts I get a write up I'd have to fight for "abuse of sicktime"... even when I would beat that paper, it would still be in my file.

I took five days for my daughter.... if/when the wife and I have another, I'll take more time and take the paper in the file for the "alleged" offense. In the long run, I think it's worth it. I'm kicking myself now for not having taken more time for my first.

This negates the reason behind FMLA. If this has actually happened your union should step in on behalf of all the members, not just you.

Since FMLA, guys have taken plenty of "manternity leave" without adverse actions. My kids were all born prior to FMLA so I just used accrued annual for a week.

FMLA is Family Medical Leave Act....look it up. Its a Fed law, and they get nasty about that one being violated. If you dont have a union, (we dont here in Missouri), you should still see an attorney over this.....they will most likely be slobbering all overthemselves with the chance of spanking a department who does this.....

Nick

Posted: 7/8/2010 8:21:43 AM EDT

[#30]

2 weeks, but I looking back I wish I had taken more time. Never feel bad about missing work when it is for a family obligation. Work will always be there, the shitheads we deal with never stop and will continue to reproduce. The time you have with your family is finite and cannot be recovered. I work for a guy who takes pride in the fact that he never took time off when his kids were born. He lives for the job, even though he sucks at it, and openly ridicules guys who take time to be with their wives and children after a baby is born. His kids, who are almost grown now, both hate him, as does his wife. Without the job he has nothing. Congratulations on the birth of your son. Being a Dad is the most important job you will ever have.

Posted: 7/8/2010 8:23:17 AM EDT

[#31]

two weeks, but I work from home so I still get to see her all the time!

Posted: 7/8/2010 8:32:10 AM EDT

[#32]

I took 20 days per each of my children.

Wife was able to heal much faster if I was taking care of the newborns. Plus, it gave me a chance to bond with the little ones.

Av.

Posted: 7/8/2010 7:06:43 PM EDT

[#33]

FMLA allows twelve weeks (per federal law). Paid or not is employer discretion (i.e., do you have enough PTO or sick time saved up?)...some states have specific rules regarding FMLA and may or may not require your employer to pay you (or fulfill other obligations). FMLA usually only applies if 1) you have been there at least one year, and 2) you have to have worked at least "x" number of hours in that year (I think it's 1040). Again, state law may or may not have different limitations on that.

When my kid was born (my first), I took a week off with the wife. I then went back to work, and she took off a total of twelve weeks.

After that, I took off ten weeks. Full pay...my "extended sick time." I did answer phone calls, emails, etc...for a while. Then I said "screw it, this is my life now, not work, and I earned my time off."

And no, I didn't feel bad. And I wouldn't trade that time with my son for anything.

Work, in some fashion, for some employer, will always be there. Family won't. Enjoy what you've earned. You won't regret it. Your tombstone should say "beloved husband and father," not "employee of the year."

Posted: 7/8/2010 7:51:29 PM EDT

[#34]

2 weeks.

Should have taken more but at the time I didn't want to exhaust my sick time bank. Now I have more sick time than I could ever burn.

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Posted: 7/8/2010 9:27:58 PM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:

Quoted:
5 days

We don't work for the same agency do we?

I know FMLA allows 6 months but after 5 shifts I get a write up I'd have to fight for "abuse of sicktime"... even when I would beat that paper, it would still be in my file.

I took five days for my daughter.... if/when the wife and I have another, I'll take more time and take the paper in the file for the "alleged" offense. In the long run, I think it's worth it. I'm kicking myself now for not having taken more time for my first.

This negates the reason behind FMLA. If this has actually happened your union should step in on behalf of all the members, not just you.

Since FMLA, guys have taken plenty of "manternity leave" without adverse actions. My kids were all born prior to FMLA so I just used accrued annual for a week.

FMLA is Family Medical Leave Act....look it up. Its a Fed law, and they get nasty about that one being violated. If you dont have a union, (we dont here in Missouri), you should still see an attorney over this.....they will most likely be slobbering all overthemselves with the chance of spanking a department who does this.....

Nick

I don't disagree at all... but it's obvious you don't work at my department and for my big cheese.

I still recall my interview when I went into a patrol car...."Boy, do you know what a malcontent is?".... "Are you one?"

That was my entire interview.

I suppose I pulled the correct answers for him out of my rear that day.

Union officers, (about 90% of us since the FOP came in to replace the teamsters a few years back...) are pretty much black-balled from the get go on promotions/etc.

Posted: 7/9/2010 7:22:39 PM EDT

[#36]

I have 3 kids. Took 12 weeks off with each of them, wish I could've taken more. I used Comp Time (no paid overtime for us), haven't used a sick or vacation day in 11 years, haven't needed to. I give the job the majority of my time 20 days a month and earn enough comp time that I usually have 200+ hours built up for vacations and/or mental health days. I've got about 17 years left until I retire, the City can afford to give me the 9 months Federal Law says they have to anyway.

Take as much time as you have built up to be paid for. Your employer doesn't have to pay you, but they do have to give you the time. The Job isn't going anywhere, and while it might hurt our pride, your Agency will get along just fine without you for 12 weeks.

Your family will appreciate your time more than you'll be missed by your co-workers.

And the ones that complain are usually the guys who bitch about everything anyway and have nothing to look forward to after retirement, because they forgot that family comes first.

Stay Safe,
Rob

Posted: 7/10/2010 7:49:38 PM EDT

[#37]

None. My daughter was born on a Friday andI had to be back to work on Monday. Fri, Sat, and Sun were my days off. Tried FMLA but I was told they would not pay me and if I grieved anything I would be pulled from my special position. What a bunch of dicks.

Posted: 7/11/2010 6:54:03 AM EDT

[#38]

My Sgt has made it quite clear to me that I will take at least 1 month off. I have enough time saved up to take 4 months off.

Posted: 7/11/2010 9:53:49 AM EDT

[#39]

Everyone who said they took less than their allotted time out of a fear of reprisal from their superiors or agency...

IT IS ILLEGAL FOR THEM TO SCREW WITH FMLA TIME.

When you are expecting a child as the spouse, not delivering it, you can take 12 weeks off. Depending on your state rules, they may have to let you burn annual/PTO/vaction, sick, comp, etc.

If they are fucking with you guys, talk to your state dept. of labor. They will completely freak out. It is also illegal to demote you from a position, etc.

Know your rights!

Posted: 7/11/2010 7:24:53 PM EDT

[#40]

Quoted:
None. My daughter was born on a Friday andI had to be back to work on Monday. Fri, Sat, and Sun were my days off. Tried FMLA but I was told they would not pay me and if I grieved anything I would be pulled from my special position. What a bunch of dicks.

Only addressing the "would not pay me" part - in most cases (unless you have a very generous employer) FMLA is not free time off. You can take up to 12 weeks of sick, annual, comp or whatever you have in your time bank for the 12 weeks. If you don't have enough various leave time in your bank to take the full 12 weeks you can still take 12 weeks, but the time you don't have is not paid (For example if you have 10 weeks of cumulative leave and still want 12 weeks off, two of those will be unpaid.)

Simply put, FMLA says your employer has to give you the 12 weeks off without retribution - they don't have to pay you for it though. So if you used 12 weeks of sick time you would get your pay and the sick time taken from your account, but they couldn't lower your evaluation, demote you, etc., as a result of using this time.

Of course there are several thoughts here. Some people would say give me everything I'm entitled to regardless of impact on the agency. Others may consider their absence and toll on the agency and chose to use less. Others may not use any at all because they want to stay at work. These are your decisions and the employer can't (in a perfect world) make them for you.

(BTW: FMLA isn't unique to LE, it's all employers, we just happen to be in the BOTS forum.)

Posted: 7/12/2010 8:38:20 AM EDT

[#41]

Yea, at the time they seemed to think they were above FMLA. If my old chief would not have left I would have pitched a bitch. I had over 800 hours of sick time, 9 vacations days, and 100 hours of comp time in my bank, and they still said they wouldn't pay me.

Posted: 7/12/2010 5:25:55 PM EDT

[#42]

Take at least a few weeks. Thats time you will never have again.

Posted: 7/19/2010 10:07:09 AM EDT

[#43]

18 days which w/ days off equaled a month. Did this for both kids. Didn't miss the job one bit. Wish I would have taken more to spend w/ the little ones. Take the week, you will never regret it.

Posted: 7/19/2010 3:51:33 PM EDT

[#44]

First child 30 days

2nd was 2 weeks

Posted: 7/19/2010 3:54:42 PM EDT

[#45]

Zero. Son was born early Saturday morning and I was back to work Monday. He was pre-mature and had to go to another hospital for a few weeks.

Posted: 7/20/2010 12:30:47 AM EDT

[#46]

TAKE THE TIME!!! When my 5 yr old was born I took the night off. I thought since I work midnights that would be OK...I was wrong. Take all the time you can for your family. I have always thought I put my family first by working hard and maintaining a very strong work ethic and sense of duty. Then I realized I was just not there and missing the important stuff. It sounds like you have a wise boss...take his advice. Enjoy the family and take care.

Posted: 7/20/2010 1:01:13 PM EDT

[#47]

We had twins at the end of Jan and I took off 7 days.

Posted: 7/20/2010 1:09:01 PM EDT

[#48]

take at least a week

Posted: 7/20/2010 10:34:33 PM EDT

[#49]

I took 3 weeks for the first child. 2 weeks each for #2 and #3.

Posted: 7/21/2010 12:26:48 AM EDT

[#50]

First of all congrats.

I took my first week of FTO off for my triplets to care for the wifey and the kiddos, wish I took more time but being a rookie and all I didn't know better. I took no time off after losing one, I regret it every day. Take all the time you want/need. Your first child is a once and a lifetime event and the job well be there for the next 20-30 years god willing.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - How much time did you take off when you and your wife had a child? (Page 1 of 2)

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