I am in my mid twenties, and have a decent job. Its a good job, pays okay.  But I have two concerns about it. The first is, I have been getting bored and its not that I have a lack of things to do, its just that they dont challenge me anymore.  I am keeping myself busy with taking tests and classes (work related)  that will help me in the long run, so I guess its not all that big of a problem right now.

The second concern is I work with a guy who is an absolute dick head. He is a controlling, manipulative, slime ball who thinks he deserves to run the show. I fucking can't stand the fuck face, and I've put up with his shit for going on 5 years now.  Not long ago I had had just about enough and went to my supervisor and got his supervisor involved.  So after a few conversations things cooled down and everything was fine. But now its starting up again, and I am miserable because of it.  My boss knows whats going on. He tells me he knows its not me, that I'm doing great, this guy is just an asshole.  That is nice to hear coming from the boss, but I dont think he realizes how I cant stand this guy anymore. Every meeting we have I want to throw up just because I have to look at him.  My boss is a great guy, but I have come to conclusion that nothing is going to change, and if I dont change then I will continue to be miserable.  Oh, and just to note I know its not me who is the asshole here because I get a long with EVERYONE else but this fuck face. He is the only one.   I know someone will suggest confronting the guy, but that wont work because I've already been there. He knows he is a asshole, he knows it and he's not sorry for it. He has told me this!  I just cant understand why anyone would intentionally act this way. I dont want to see him or talk to him, and I certainly dont want to work with him. But if I tell my boss I cant work with him will I run the risk of loosing my job?  And you know, other people cant stand him either. I think they're waiting for me to crack and kick him in the balls.

So, I am kinda at a loose end tonight. I dont know what to do.  I could become more of a hard ass bitch but that isnt really in me (and honestly, I dont really know how to).  I like people, and I like helping people (except dick heads). My other option was to find another job, but times are hard right now. Not many people are hiring and its a risky time to quit.  I thought about going back to school, but my husband and I need both incomes.  I would like to finish up my degree because that'll give me a good advantage when looking for a job, but it would have to happen part time.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I dont want to be miserable anymore  


Amended title ~ Sorry, no expletives in the title, please.  SP1

Have the same situation, but worse.  IM me and tell me how he's a dickhead.  I may have some ideas.

My boss is a lying bitch and tries to make me look bad.  I found a way around that, but still I hate her guts and she is so fake - like her plastic plants in her cube.

Oh - and not one of the people I work with likes her either, so it's not just me which I considered was a possibility.

My take is that there is almost always going to be someone you work with like this guy (different types of jerks but...). If you can find a way to deal with this guy that doesn't compromise you or make you insane you will be better for it.

Since now is probably not the time to quit based on what you have said, I would try to find ways to deal with him before you are ready to explode. Maybe if you list how is a jerk (there a so different ways a co-worker can make your life hell) some of the ladies and gentlemen here can give you advice on how to handle specific behaviors and actions. I doubt my general tactic of avoiding people like that is going to work or I am sure you would have tried it already.

BOY HOWDY do I hear you! I think I work with his brother... LOL!

Guys can be dicks in the work place. My usual routine goes like this:

Day 1: put up with his shit
Day 2: put up with his shit
Day 3: start to get a little steamed
Day 4: yelling match and resisting the temptation to launch random assembly parts at him
Day 5: he acts like nothing happened and I go about my business

Seriously, he's the biggest dick. I've been here two years, he's been here 1.. and from the moment they hired him it's been all about showing me how much smarter and cooler he is. I really don't give a crap. I know I'm better at my job than he is, and that's enough to keep me warm and fuzzy at night.

Focus on the positive things in your life. I know I don't deal with my situation the best way possible - but despite my mother theresa-like patience, I can only take so much of his BS.  The best way to deal is to de-stress. Listen to music that calms you, take a bubble bath and eat a piece of chocolate every night once you get home.. something, anything. Because a happy person is a person that is much harder to piss off.

I'm always stressed, that's part of my problem

Wish I had an answer.  I worked with a woman like this at work.  I quit over it AFTER she'd just been fired.  I was just so angry with my boss for making me put up with her and my stress level went so high just walking into the room.  It is terrible to work near an antagonist.  I let her get my goat, and I could have controlled that.  After all, it was HER problem.  Not mine.

You can limit your contact with him as much as possible.  Or... you can do just the opposite.  Be immune to his poison, feel sorry for him in a way.  You can "How nice" him until he wants to vomit.  "I'm sorry that makes you unhappy, Joe.  Hey, I like your shirt.  It looks so great on you.  Oh, and WHERE did you get that cologne?  What?  You're not wearing cologne and I smell like a pizza burp?  Oh, you're so observant (breath into your hand) that was from last night.  Hmmm... so, what are you doing this weekend?  I'm going to go target shooting with my boyfriend.  He's in special ops, you know.  If he stays on his medicine, he's so sweet.  Do you like living with your mother?  Oh, you don't live with your mother?  I'm sorry.  It was your grandmother, wasn't it?  No?  Hmm... I must be getting it mixed up.  Who do you live with?  THAT'S your wife?  Oh, she's got a great personality."

You are going to have to access the part of you that thinks it's fun to joust if you want to stay there.  My antagonist freaked out because she was trying to listen to a radio show (at work no less) and I interrupted by asking where the pencils were.  She blew her stack.  I was shocked, but I could have said,  "Touche!  Oh, you're trying to listen to a show, aren't you?" (really loudly)  "What show is that?  I wonder if people can hear that when they call the office for help.  You know, I like to listen to this great morning rock-n-roll hour on Thursdays, but I always thought it was poor form to listen to the radio in an office.  That's tomorrow.  You'll love it.  OR I can bring my Santana CD in.  I can play Samba Pa Ti over and over and over again until I get in a trance, and 'one time at band camp....'"  

By the time you're done with him, he'll be frothing at the mouth and practically begging to be fired, one might hope.  Otherwise, you can sabotage his supplies!  IM me for suggestions.  You can bring him coffee in the morning.  Wink and tell him that you PROMISE that you didn't spit in it.  I can hear him now, "Boss, she's being too nice to me!  Make her stop it."

Honestly though, after dealing with my MIL, I discovered that the absolute best tactic is to BE CALM and stand up for yourself, even if you have to snip a little.  

Well this is an interesting thread!
This is incredible...looks like my own private little hell isn't quite as private as I thought.

There are several antagonistic, strutting, little sycophants at work with whom I must deal-with on a regular basis that make things quite special for me.
Including one little sawed-off "King 'o the Assholes" with a terminal case of short-man's disease (aka Napolean's Syndrome).

Happy to know that I'm not alone...

The short ones are the worst.

Mike, is that you buddy?  I did not know you were a member here.  I know I told you I can be a Dick, but I am seriously not trying to ruin your life.  I just think you might be happier working somewhere else.  Our boss used to spend more time hanging with me before you came along and, well, interfered with my plans for rapid advancements.

Oh and about your woman??? Well, lets just say I wasn't sitting at home sick last week when you thought I was...and she REALLLY did not have a headache all week long.  

Don't be mad at me, I really am a prick.

















Seriously though, I worked with at least two guys of the same stripe.  I would lay in bed at night gritting my teeth in frustration, chain smoking through the day. One finally stuck his neck in a trap of his own making and got the axe.   The other one had an ego the size of Texas and took another job for more money, rubbing it in my face when he left.  He has begged to come back to 3 people in management and I was given the decision on wether to let him come back or not (to a large degree).  Uhhhh......no.

Hang in there, don't take your work home with you.  I cannot stress that point enough.  IT IS JUST YOUR JOB.  Everything changes, usually when you least expect it.  Ignore him, he will eventually go away.

Three words, said to HR:

"Hostile Work Environment"

For extra fun add "lawyer" on the end of it.

My first thought is............you need to get promoted. Talk to your boss about it and what steps you need to get to the next level. Ask them what training you need and get a written game plan as to the steps you need to cover to get there. This will get you into a position where your skills will be utilized better and give you new challenges and more income to boot.

My second thought is.........you need to learn how to work with this guy's personality somehow. You're going to encounter many people just like him in your lifetime and are going to have to learn how to work with assholes. Assholes are everywhere you turn. Assholes need jobs too. Assholes can and will work above you and below you, even side by side with you. Anyone can be an asshole but some people are more skilled at it than others. Bringing this asshole to HR, who usually are assholes themselves, may not be the best plan if he's a liked asshole who excels and gets good results being an asshole.

My third thought is.........you should come work for me for 6 months and I'll teach you how to be an asshole and get away with it. It's truly an art.

Lastly..........and this is all joking aside.
You need to harness this person's strengths and use them to your advantage to make your job easier and get "the job" done more effectively. Every person you work with/for/ or manage has their own personality. You need to look deeper into that person and find what they excels at. You will never change them into you. Use this person's knowledge/skills accordingly. You'll find that if you can make them a productive asshole for you, you won't focus on them being just a useless asshole.

Hope this helps.

( PS, I would love to know what type company or environment you're in. It sounds a lot like my line of work. Please let me know in I-M if you like. I may be able to help more if I have a little more information or details of just what the entire situation and structure of management is ( where you are on the ladder and who's above you and under you. I've helped a lot of people get promoted over many years and get past situations similar AND different than yours.)

The one thing a lot of people don't realize is guys who are raging ass-holes are generally super insecure. I am a guy, trust me on this. They use the A/H (ass hole) cover as a defense. Just keep that in mind when dealing w/ this guy. It will make you smile every time he does something 'cause on the inside you know he is pathetic and sad. LOL They're A/Hs in every career field. Don't let it ruin your future. If it was me I'd find his insecurity and pick at that scab 'til it bleeds. That is not a good idea but thats just me. lol I have one piece of advice when dealing w/ A/Hs: Double Tap, Medevac. I'm kidding of course. Avoid him like the plague and drive on. All though, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. If you get my drift. Sun Tzu was a pretty smart dude, can't go wrong there!

Thank you all for your advice. I need to promote myself, toughen up, and find his weaknesses!  

This week at work has been much better, but its only a matter of time before things go bad again. So I am going to prepare myself as best as possible, so that I can at least deal with it better.  There's not really anywhere for me to go on the career ladder right now, at least not at my current company. My boss answers to the president, and being president sounds like  a lot of fun and all, but I'm not getting that seat any time soon!!    I think some good advice here was to find a way to de-stress when I get home. Because I really do feel I am going to explode, and even my husband can see that coming. It's nice just to have a site where I can vent from time to time, so thank you all for listening!!!

TB,
I was on the fast track a few years ago to getting myself fired. I was so frustrated with my work. See, I am an electrician that maintains computer controlled production equipment. And the asshole production people do not care if they break things. And the production foremen dont care either. This was building and building and I am sure that it came out as me being an asshole. Well I got 5 days off without pay to think over my job (last step short of being fired). I wont bore you with all of the details, but lets just say that I detoxed and I dont work as much overtime. I also just let shit slide at work. Find humor in the fact that its the other people who are silly bastards. And I do not run to fix a machine. And if the foreman tries to give me trouble about it. I just go and take a shit break and hide out in the john for a bit. This gives me time to calm down. My foreman is so laid back I doubt that he will ever say anything to me about my new view on things. I suspect that he is not having to answer to other foremen about my previous attitude. I smile a lot now days, though not for the reasons that others think. But deep in my own mind I smile cause I now know that they are the ass hats. I figure as long as I  am doing something constructive, I am contributing some value to the company. I know that I am replaceable. But it will cause them a large learning curve. My boss does not fully know what I do, nor does his boss. I am suppose to report how much time I spend on this or that trouble ticket, but I do not do this. This too is my little pay back. Till they make threats or good on the weak ones they have made in general. I figure I got some room for passive resistive. Thats their fault, they taught me that they want me to be passive. And I have picked up on the resistive part from others who play that game and management is just fine with their work. Hey, they have hammered into my head the way the game is played, I'm just a slow learner.

And I will echo what others have said young lady. Now matter where you go, you will have to learn to play with others. Even those one or two ass clowns were ever you go. So, make the best of it and sit back and watch the ass holes hang themselves one day. And just pray to ta faither it is sooner than later.

Max

It's a lousy job market, people everywhere are looking for work and your boss KNOWS this guy is treating you badly but isn't DOing anything?
That equates to "he's valuable," in my head.

Is he? If he is, you've no recourse, save telling this jerk off.
If you need lessons, PM me.
I'll be glad to help.
I was once in my 20's and dealing with a jerk long before the words "Sexual harassment" were in our vocabulary.
I'm told he still walks with a limp.

Seriously...you need to stand taller, look him in the eye and tell him that under NO CIRCUMSTANCE will you put up with his crap any longer. Don't threaten, don't abuse, simply state you're DONE. But you MUST look him in the eye, preferably, him sitting YOU standing (to give you the ability to look down on him.)

LMAO...painfully true....

Bob Keating, if you are reading this, I hope they cut off your other ear.

*shrug*  I don't know how possible it is, or feasble in your place...


Disclaimer: I am not always an asshole, but I have serious asshole qualities when I want them.  This worked best when I was in the Navy and nobody was getting fired or moved around no matter what.  It's quite simple, find out everything you can about the person, what pisses them off, what frustrates them, what makes their job harder.

  Every so many days, pick something small on that list, do it.  Don't be obvious until much later in the game.

  Once a month, find something fairly big on that list, arrange for it to happen, or do it or whatever.  Same rule on obviousness applies here.

 Stay away from anything illegal or anything that could get you fired.   The less witnesses the better, unless they share your dislike of the dickhead, in which case you have allies.   Enlist their aid :) Get the asshole to quit.

 Granted, when I was Active Duty, there was no quitting, so I figured if the guy was going to make my life hell just because he could (I worked for the assclown) I'd return the favor.


   The coup de grace to this whole deal was the week before I started my 53 days of terminal leave (yay, 2 month paid vacation!) we had a division party at my LCDR's place.   We were all drinkin, eatin pizza, havin BBQ.  Good stuff, me, all the guys, and the assclown on the other side of the table.    My LCDR was a knob, but overall, not a bad person and better than most officers) but he knew I was into guns and he was an amateur.  So he says to me "Hey, ET2, you gotta see this!" and runs inside.

 I'm curious at this point, cuz his tone of voice was like a kid in a candy store... not exactly something you see an officer direct at enlisted, at least in the Navy where we're stuck in the 50s and us enlisted types have all our own facilities.   (Side note: I'm not really that bitter, but sometimes it sure felt that way.)    Anyways, he comes back with a black pelican case and gently sets it on the table in front of me... I pop the latches, open the hatch (which hid the contents from anyone except those sitting right next to me) ... everyone's craning to see what it is, cuz my eyes light up.

I reach in, and heft out this ~26" HBAR Armalite AR-10 (Barrel length/weight is estimated, I'm no expert on AR-10s) and turn/shoulder it at the same time... the funny part is that I was turning out to the yard so I wouldn't be muzzle sweeping anyone after I'd already checked there was no mag and the bolt open, and the asshole... well, he squealed like a little girl and dove off his chair because he thought I was gonna shoot him.  I laughed, the LCDR laughed, everyone except the asshole, and including my Chief laughed our asses off.  Dude got up, bone white and someone asked him if he'd pissed himself.  

Either way, I'd say that was the perfect cap to about 2 years of counter-asshole operations.


Your mission, should you chose to accept it...

I hope you're not a postal worker.

Me ?  No. I do computer stuff.   I'm not really an asshole, I'm just really good at letting people know how much I enjoy their presence

Possibly, remarks about "hostile work environment" can go awry too.

If you are the only one filing complaints, and the company perception is that he is more valuable to the company at (insert whatever) compared to you, your job may be toast.

I wish you the best of luck, that's a terribly stressful situation to be put in every day.

Im a big fan of simple pranks. People like that usually get really pissed by them.

Simple harmless things, like conecting all of the paper clips,  and emptying the stapler every night.

Oh you can also reverse the floor plate on the stapler so that the staples flatten out instead of in.

Fill the white out container with water. Simple shit like that that will cause him anger and stress. Over time he will snap. I have done it before with great effect.

Hide stuff, oh i took a note pad and put a big line through every page, hahaha. Thats funny.

Even if it doesnt effect him, it will make you feel so much better.

Talk to some of your coworkers about your problems. Many times a group of coworkers end up uniting over an outcast worker.

Needless to say loose fun people enjoy working with me, up tight pricks do not .