Not sexually.

Espically one with a past.

The only ones that want to open up.. are the ones that want to only become friends.

Quoted: www.aresultofboredom.org/matt/roofies.jpg

I obviously missed that one.

Quoted: Quoted: www.aresultofboredom.org/matt/roofies.jpg I obviously missed that one.

only because your moral standards are higher than that.

Pry bar?

Quoted: Not sexually. Espically one with a past. The only ones that want to open up.. are the ones that want to only become friends.

Why is the past so important?  You may hear something you really don't want to hear, then she will feel like she has no choice but to say she will be your friend, depending on what the "past" consists of.  

Time. When she trusts you she will slowly open up. Just don't screw up!!!(just joking!!)

Do you really want to know her past?  Honestly.  You won't look at her the same after you know.  Trust me.  If she told you every little detail, she could have looked like the perfect girl from every angle, but after she lets ya in on her secrets, she will look totally different without changing her clothes.

Quoted: Not sexually. Espically one with a past.

If she's not open, might try finding someone who isn't punishing each new relationship with all the ones that came before. It's one of those "little things" you will kick yourself later for ignoring.

What are you considering a "PAST"?  I mean, everyone has stuff...

Why are you making it sound like it's a bad thing?

If you don't know, then don't assume.

People open up when they're ready. Some women will tell you everything on the first date. Others wait until you're deep in the relationship to see if you can handle it.
Revealing too much too soon could spell trouble for both of you.
Go with the flow: nobody wants to feel "exposed."

Quoted: Why is the past so important?  You may hear something you really don't want to hear, then she will feel like she has no choice but to say she will be your friend, depending on what the "past" consists of.

Just wondering..

But, is it best to know of someones past in the beginning... instead of finding out much later?

Red Flags... for short.

Quoted: People open up when they're ready. Some women will tell you everything on the first date. Others wait until you're deep in the relationship to see if you can handle it. Revealing too much too soon could spell trouble for both of you. Go with the flow: nobody wants to feel "exposed."

I am not looking for her to open up like a book when we first meet.

Bit by bit though... over time.

I dated this girl for almost 2 months, and other than me being down about $100(), we didn't have any type of progress at all..... as, she couldn't open up, at all. It was hard for me to make any type of... connection with her, because of that. So, when I ended it.. I never felt any remorse, as I was not at any emotional loss....

Then again, she probably might have liked the attention/free food.

It might be me though.. I dunno. As someone mentioned above, some girls like to open up the first couple times around... some take much, much longer.

Quoted: Not sexually. Espically one with a past. The only ones that want to open up.. are the ones that want to only become friends.

Everyone has a past; it is just that some want to talk about it and some don't.  Usually, the ones that open up and just want to be friends do so because they have nothing to lose.  Sometimes it is more difficult to open up if we care about what the other person thinks about us.

Quoted: Quoted: Not sexually. Espically one with a past. The only ones that want to open up.. are the ones that want to only become friends. Everyone has a past; it is just that some want to talk about it and some don't.  Usually, the ones that open up and just want to be friends do so because they have nothing to lose.  Sometimes it is more difficult to open up if we care about what the other person thinks about us.

Point taken.

Quoted: Why is the past so important?  You may hear something you really don't want to hear, then she will feel like she has no choice but to say she will be your friend, depending on what the "past" consists of.

The past is extremely important in any relationship.  

Knowing a person dated 6 other people or slept with 10 people isn't as important as many other things.

Things that are important from peoples past:

Family life/relationships: raised in a single parent home or a nuclear family? Good relationships with parents/siblings/family? What type of morals/religion were they raised with? Etc.

Personal Foibles: Been a drug abuser/criminal/prostitute/served time in jail/have unfixable stds, etc.

Past relationships: been verbally or physically abused in past relationships? Swore out restraining orders on people? Been abused and gone back with that person?  Have 3 children to 3 different fathers or are not sure who the fathers are? Have children who are not in their custody?  If I was a female dating males I would definately want to know if they have children to other women.

The past is very important in many ways. Just don't expect to get all the answers on the first date, but know what you need to know before you become serious with the person.

Quoted: Quoted: Why is the past so important?  You may hear something you really don't want to hear, then she will feel like she has no choice but to say she will be your friend, depending on what the "past" consists of.   The past is extremely important in any relationship.   Knowing a person dated 6 other people or slept with 10 people isn't as important as many other things. Things that are important from peoples past: Family life/relationships: raised in a single parent home or a nuclear family? Good relationships with parents/siblings/family? What type of morals/religion were they raised with? Etc. Personal Foibles: Been a drug abuser/criminal/prostitute/served time in jail/have unfixable stds, etc. Past relationships: been verbally or physically abused in past relationships? Swore out restraining orders on people? Been abused and gone back with that person?  Have 3 children to 3 different fathers or are not sure who the fathers are? Have children who are not in their custody?  If I was a female dating males I would definately want to know if they have children to other women. The past is very important in many ways. Just don't expect to get all the answers on the first date, but know what you need to know before you become serious with the person.

Nice list.  I don't disagree that before you move in with or marry someone you should know them very well.  I have definately made my bad calls.  The problem is, what time line are we looking at here? Weeks? Months? Before sex? Can anyone expect someone to spill their guts to someone who may or may not be using the information to judge their worthiness for involvemnent?  The original question made it sound as if he needs to know every detail of her past, but for what reason?  Before you become seriously involved with the person What does that mean?   You have to know a person fairly well to decide to trust them enough to spill your guts.  Then say you do, and the person wanting to know turns out to be an ass, then what?

Something like the following may be helpful to the weak and insecure.  Just for fun

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Why is the past so important?  You may hear something you really don't want to hear, then she will feel like she has no choice but to say she will be your friend, depending on what the "past" consists of.   The past is extremely important in any relationship.   Knowing a person dated 6 other people or slept with 10 people isn't as important as many other things. Things that are important from peoples past: Family life/relationships: raised in a single parent home or a nuclear family? Good relationships with parents/siblings/family? What type of morals/religion were they raised with? Etc. Personal Foibles: Been a drug abuser/criminal/prostitute/served time in jail/have unfixable stds, etc. Past relationships: been verbally or physically abused in past relationships? Swore out restraining orders on people? Been abused and gone back with that person?  Have 3 children to 3 different fathers or are not sure who the fathers are? Have children who are not in their custody?  If I was a female dating males I would definately want to know if they have children to other women. The past is very important in many ways. Just don't expect to get all the answers on the first date, but know what you need to know before you become serious with the person. Nice list.  I don't disagree that before you move in with or marry someone you should know them very well.  I have definately made my bad calls.  The problem is, what time line are we looking at here? Weeks? Months? Before sex? Can anyone expect someone to spill their guts to someone who may or may not be using the information to judge their worthiness for involvemnent?  The original question made it sound as if he needs to know every detail of her past, but for what reason?  Before you become seriously involved with the person What does that mean?   You have to know a person fairly well to decide to trust them enough to spill your guts.  Then say you do, and the person wanting to know turns out to be an ass, then what? Something like the following may be helpful to the weak and insecure.  Just for fun i7.photobucket.com/albums/y254/synt/d4ed0df5.jpg

Where on earth did you get that?



You bring out a good point, some people might not want to open up.. because they dont' want to be judged on worthiness. However... isn't it better to come out with it early into the relationship then later? Unless the person is going to be more forgiving in the later stages....

Quoted: People open up when they're ready. Some women will tell you everything on the first date. Others wait until you're deep in the relationship to see if you can handle it. Revealing too much too soon could spell trouble for both of you. Go with the flow: nobody wants to feel "exposed."

From personal experience, beware of the person that lays their life (every single detail) out for you in the first few dates.  These people always seem to have major issues.  The best way to get a woman to open up, IMO, is by spending more time with her.  The closer you feel to a person the more you are inclined to share with them.  

El Guapo: Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you.
Jefe: So when do you think Carmen will "open up her flower" to you?
El Guapo: Tonight, or I will kill her!