"How could two people as beautiful you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."

"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...
-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time...
-- What do you say we call it quits?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
-- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."