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Posted: 8/27/2004 3:20:29 AM EDT
[#1]
Don't take this wrong,but it sounds like she was using you and that the relationship is very one sided. If she had a genuine interest in you you would have been hearing more from her. My gut feeling is I would not pay for a semester of her college,unless you can give extenuating circumstances as to why. She sounds like she has no interest in you unless it benefits her. Run faraway. Good luck.
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Posted: 8/27/2004 3:51:20 AM EDT
[#2]
Answer in man's language: NO
Answer in woman's language: Perhaps she isn't even expecting you to pay any more since she does not want to maintain a long distance relationship? You should respectfully explain to her that since the relationship will be dissolving, you will not be paying her tuition. Let her be responsible for herself. I never would have recommended making such a (monetary) statement in the first place. And a big WOW on all of the gifts. On one hand, I'm sure it was nice to receive such bounty, but there is more to a relationship than material possessions. There are women out there who spend years of their lives devoted to a man who buys them no such gifts and doesn't even verbalize his true emotions with her unless she specifically asks. Trust me, this type of woman does exist. There is no need to keep a monetary promise to someone who can't even give you the respect of a simple letter and some of her time while you are away. You are obligated only by your own innards. Be ok with the fact that she is undeserving and make her wipe her own ass. You will be doing both of yourselves a huge favor. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 4:19:53 AM EDT
[#3]
When we broke up, I said that a promise is a promise. She said that I didn't have to do that i.e. pay the tuition. Thanks for the input. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 4:44:14 AM EDT
[#4]
too bad, I'm a guy and here's my two cents for free...
you are a loser for not seeing the signs that she's not interested in you. you kept trying to buy her, it wasn't / won't work. I've been down this road, but never that bad. be thankful you're out of it now! oh, and LEARN from this. be very selfish with your money and more importantly, yourself. build up a relationship FIRST, before commiting any amount of cash/assets. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 4:47:27 AM EDT
[#5]
I am going to agree with the ladies here. This relationship sounds very onesided. If you backed out of paying her tuition, I wouldn't scream foul. The decision is completely yours. If it was me though, I would send her on her merry way without a dime of it.
Because of this war, there are alot of people holding together long distance relationships, it takes both parties to make it work though. It sounds to me like she doesn't want to put forth the effort to make it happen. I would say, be happy you found out earlier rather then later. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 4:53:34 AM EDT
[#6]
First of all a$$hole, I wasn't trying to "buy" her. It was her birthday or did you fail to read that as well? Secondly, we had been dating since December and this was July when I bought this stuff. I thought I had the relationship first. Her crying at the airport when I left for Iraq seemed like genuine emotion, but not being a man of the world such as yourself, I'm sure you would have seen through that. I'm guessing the need to chime in when you were requested not to, and then to hurl an insult on top of that somehow assuages your own inadequacies. I hope you feel better for it. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 5:11:37 AM EDT
[#7]
I know you didn't necessarily want to hear from guys but I'll throw my honest $.02 in - ignore it if you like.
For the most part, I have to agree with Red-5. Buying stuff is nice, and its great you're so generous, but it sounds like you were trying to buy her affections. It doesn't work that way... at least it doesn't often work out well. You need to spend time, not money, and let her get to like you for who you are, not what you can buy. You two may have had something nice before you went to Iraq, but it also sounds like she didn't care enough to deal with a long-distance relationship. Some people can handle a long distance thing, some can't. If she didn't have enough concern or care for you to even send a letter or card once in a while, however,, gifts were not going to remedy the situation, and if they were it probably wouldn't have been a good sign anyway. I like to keep my word even when its not convenient, so in that respect I think you should pay for the semester, but on the other hand you were obviously far more invested in the relationship than she was and maybe blinded by your desire for something to work out. I for one, would not blame you for not paying for the semeser, but you have to do whats in your heart and what leaves you with a free conscience. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 5:20:39 AM EDT
[#8]
What do you think I was doing from December to late April when I left? I was spending time with her. I would make dinner for her frequently and we would generally "hang out". A lot of assumptions are being made here that are way off base. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 5:28:40 AM EDT
[#9]
I completely understand that you two had something, but it just sounds like when you had to go, she wasn't invested enough in the relationship to really care. Maybe it was just the thought of a long distance relationship, or maybe she was trying to distance herself to protect herself in case something happened to you. But it sounds like your leaving was a pivitol event and she lost interest at that point. However, for whatever reason, I don't think gifts were going to change that. Maybe I've completely misunderstood, and if I have, I apologize. But thats just my read on the situation. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 5:38:05 AM EDT
[#10]
<---another guy checking in
Dude, you're nuts if you spend another penny on her. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 6:12:06 AM EDT
[#11]
a lady agreeing with with one of the guys--sorry stony, this is what it seems to be to me, too the other angle i can see: she realized when you flew her to germany and bought her all those things (which is nice, but its expensive), you care more than she does and decided to end the relationship rather than continue mooching off you |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 6:31:48 AM EDT
[#12]
I understand your dilemma and can empathize as I am the same type of person. I too would have a most difficult time backing out on something that I promised. However, not only is she telling you she does not want to continue with the relationship, she also stated that she doesn't expect you to pay for her tuition. As difficult as it is, listen to her words with your ears and not your heart, and let this one go. You sound like an incredibly caring and giving person. Don't waste your time and money on someone who isn't reciprocating your feelings and intentions. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 6:43:24 AM EDT
[#13]
It is wonderful that you are a man of your word, but she has allready said that she doesn't expect it. Let her go, then spend the money on yourself. I am sorry that it turned out this way, but there are plenty of women out there who would be honored to wait for you while you were away. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 10:45:35 AM EDT
[#14]
I know you gave her your word, however she has given you and "out". she released you from your commitment and I think you should graciously accept that and RUN! I'm sorry it didn't work out.
I understand that you weren't trying to buy her affection with the gifts, they most likely came from your heart. however she has not reciprocated and you deserve in the very least some appreciation. Honestly I wouldn't pay for her school. You have done enough and if she really needs the money for school she could always sell the jewelry that you got her  In the future you may want to be a little bit more stingy with the expensive gifts. I know they mean a lot to you ... and I am not saying it as a criticism. My husband is the same way as you with the gifts and I have had to tell him to tone it down. When I ask for a bracelet, a $10 (ok maybe $20) nice bracelet will do..it does not have to be a diamond tennis bracelet (why are they called that???). As long as it is given as a token of affection that is all that matters. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 10:53:48 AM EDT
[#15]
To further emphasize what has already been said: just about the worst thing you can give to a flaky woman is your money. Once it is gone you ain't getting it back, and you have nothing to show for it, not even her. That was the original point, was it? To show her in terms you understand how much you care about her?
Be selfish. Be a greedy, self centered ass for once in your life. Break the promise you made her and spend that money better elsewhere.  Take this from a lifelong good boy who always came in last. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 11:02:18 AM EDT
[#16]
Maybe she was interested in the beginning. Maybe she was still interested when you left for Iraq. But maybe for her, it was one of those things where "hey, he's still giving me stuff, as long as he's paying for the trip, why not come over?" I don't doubt that you two had something; but it seems like she wasn't giving enough, if she was even giving anything.
Bottom line: Don't shell out the money. But something nice for yourself instead, like a rifle. It'll remind you that a gun is always more reliable than a flaky woman. EDIT: You WILL find another woman who will reciprocate all the time and emotion you give her. You're a great find; someone worthy will snag you. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 1:48:47 PM EDT
[#17]
I think what DoubleFeed is really trying to say here is that you should break that promise to her and get me that Barrett M468-A1 Tactical Carbine in 6.8x43mm SPC that I've had my heart set on 
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Posted: 8/27/2004 1:59:18 PM EDT
[#18]
+1 |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 3:18:13 PM EDT
[#19]
 The lady has been doing her homework!So, ya doing anything tonight?
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Posted: 8/27/2004 8:01:05 PM EDT
[#20]
1. She never sent a card or letter.
2. Never left a voice mail on my stateside cell phone 3. She pawned off the mailing of it (stuff you requested) to her younger sister who never got around to it 4. There wasn't even a note from her in it. And yet: 1. I flew her to Germany to spend my two week vacation with me. I paid for her airfare. 2. I gave her a saltwater cultured pearl necklace as well as some high end perfume. 3. While in Germany and Italy I bought her a Swarovski necklace, shoes, silver earrings and rings, a watch and a dress. 4. I even gave her money to buy her friends souveniors You seem to be a bit defensive about this but you did ask. You sound like a really sweet caring guy who has been taken advantage of by this girl. You have done all of the giving and she has taken it without any problem. This appears to be a case of "out of sight, out of mind". From your post it seems that as long as you were around things were fine but once you went away she more or less forgot about you. Had I been in this situation, you would have been inundated with cards and letters, emails and maybe even phone calls (although I hate talking on the phone). Just knowing that you were in Iraq and the situation there, I would have sent you the requested items immediately along with a care package, a note and something to remind you of me. This is what a caring relationship would be like if it were equal - if she was putting as much into it as you were. At least she had the decency to tell you that you didn't have to pay the tuition. Although that may have been her way of asking if you were intending to still pay. I would not pay for anything else for this girl and I would not feel bad about not paying the tuition. Unless you just enjoy and can afford handing out scholarships, that is. |
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Posted: 8/27/2004 11:16:59 PM EDT
[#21]
with all due respect -- sounds like shes wearing her tuition
small gifts are nice, but big ones should be saved until after the wedding. if she couldnt handle being away from you for a few months and couldnt do small things like cards and phone calls, then she isnt the one you want for a long term thing. again with all due respect -- it doesnt seem you were in her mind too much, so it makes me wonder if she found someone else to occupy her time. maybe not (i hope not), i wasnt there, but its something to think about. get a DNA test if she turns up prego, its real hard to trust women these days and i keep seeing guys getting their lives screwed over by them. not all women, just some. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 1:47:35 AM EDT
[#22]
Nice try SigZiggy. If I knew what you looked like in a Victoria's Secret corset you might and I emphasize might have a chance.  I called my credit union yesterday and put a stop payment on the check that was sent to the college savings plan. As it stands the money will go towards an executive protection driving course I plan on taking during vacation back in the States and a 16" 6.8 mm SPC upper built by Steve of ADCO Firearms. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 3:49:07 AM EDT
[#23]
Wise decision stony!
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:11:09 AM EDT
[#24]
Glad you saw the light
 ; good decision IMO.
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:15:00 AM EDT
[#25]
I wasn't trying to be an asshole, just a little "tough love", if you will
I did mention I've been down this road before. We are both simillar people, we both desirve better than we've gotten in the past. Just remember to be yourself, you won't have to "prove" anything to the 'right one' |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:16:07 AM EDT
[#26]
Now your speaking my language Spend that money on YOURSELF. Make sure to post a pic of that upper and I'll do the same when I get mine! Oh....I don't happen to have a corset from Victoria's Secret, but I do have one from Noir Leather 
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:38:26 AM EDT
[#27]
Now it's time for the obligitory ARFCOM This thread is worthless without pics! |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:47:40 AM EDT
[#28]
yours or hers???? i vote YOURS!!!!!!!!   
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:50:39 AM EDT
[#29]
I'm not the one with the leather corset. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:50:57 AM EDT
[#30]
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:54:21 AM EDT
[#31]
I'm ashamed to admit, I don't know how to post a pic on here. I'm willing to post a few of my "gunslinger in Baghdad" pics but I do expect quid pro quo from SigZiggy.
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:54:41 AM EDT
[#32]
Yes...there seems to be no photo of you available in the hotties thread. Hmmmm, I will have to hold back on my photo until the ladies get what they are asking for 
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:55:35 AM EDT
[#33]
Hey, I'll send you one if you'll post pics! 
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Posted: 8/28/2004 8:58:36 AM EDT
[#34]
Ain't gonna happen amigo. |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 9:00:08 AM EDT
[#35]
 |
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Posted: 8/28/2004 9:03:54 AM EDT
[#36]
I had to try!
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Posted: 8/28/2004 10:28:00 AM EDT
[#37]
This I would love to see!!!
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Posted: 8/29/2004 7:02:14 PM EDT
[#38]
ok, ladies, its not in a leather corset, but these are pics stony emailed me
handsome dude, huh??  
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Posted: 8/29/2004 10:24:03 PM EDT
[#39]
Something tells me we still won't see SigZiggy in a leather corset.
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Posted: 8/30/2004 7:24:11 PM EDT
[#40]
now there's a handsome man!
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Posted: 8/30/2004 7:58:33 PM EDT
[#41]
(the mother of all hijacked threads)
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Posted: 8/30/2004 8:08:40 PM EDT
[#42]
Ladies, we have a new acronym: MOAHT Thanks Red...that one should get some heavy use around here.
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Posted: 8/30/2004 8:16:07 PM EDT
[#43]
Can we help it if we are distracted by HOTDs????
I think not BTW: DC, did you post these in the hotties thread??? |
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Posted: 8/30/2004 8:21:54 PM EDT
[#44]
no, the agreement was to post them here--tell the man to IM or email me if he wants them in hotties
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Posted: 8/31/2004 12:28:51 AM EDT
[#45]
Thank you Persephone, SigZiggy and Diabolical.
You have my permission to post in HOTD. |
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Posted: 8/31/2004 3:52:59 AM EDT
[#46]
GRRWWWLLLLL
 yep yep, he has my approval. edited to add... I would love to see the eyes. The eyes, you can't tell the whole story without the eyes. |
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Posted: 8/31/2004 8:43:36 PM EDT
[#47]
+1 However, I'd be glad to let you pay for my classes  if ya really feel like giving out money, but there's no way I'll dress up like a woman for ya
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Posted: 9/3/2004 7:32:46 AM EDT
[#48]
Well thank you MrsGungho. I'll try to find a recent pic that shows my eyes. I appreciate the advice you ladies gave. I decided not to fund her of college. I'm going to use the money to buy a 6.8 mm upper and a CZ75 for myself and something for my parent's home whether it be landscaping or a new driveway. Am I on the HOTD thread? |
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Posted: 9/3/2004 7:35:23 AM EDT
[#49]
Good. I think you were being used. |
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Posted: 9/3/2004 7:35:33 AM EDT
[#50]
You are in the hottie's thread. Even better! Dems the real menz of ARFCOM
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