A Texan died and ascended into Heaven. St. Peter met him and welcomed him
     saying "You will certainly enjoy Paradise."
     The Texan shook his head sadly and said "I always thought that TEXAS was
     Paradise."
     St. Peter said "Well, let me show you what we have to offer." He took the
     Texan to an area that had a beautiful river flowing through it with
     wildlife
     and flowers everywhere. "Isn't this beautiful?" said St. Peter.
     The Texan replied, "Yes, but not as pretty as the area around SAN
     ANTONIO."
     Somewhat ruffled, St. Peter took him to another area where there were
     rolling hills, whitetail deer and bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush
     everywhere. "Now" said St. Peter "Have you ever seen anything so
     wonderful?"
     The Texan paused and said "Yes, it is beautiful but it does not hold a
     candle to the TEXAS HILL COUNTRY in the springtime."
     Becoming more upset, St. Peter then took the Texan to a beautiful white
     beach, with gentle waves, and an azure sky. "Now have you seen anything
     this
     beautiful in Texas" said St. Peter.
     The Texan smiled and said "I guess you've never been to SOUTH PADRE
     ISLAND".
     At this point, St. Peter took the Texan to a large rock. On the side of
     the
     rock was a huge iron door. St. Peter opened the door and they stepped
     into
     an elevator and started going down. As they descended, it grew more and
     more
     hot. When the elevator door opened, it revealed the fires of
     damnation-H-ll.
     St. Peter said, "Now, have you got anything in Texas that can top that?"
     The Texan thought a moment and shook his head. "No, but I know a couple
     of
     old boys from HOUSTON that can put that thing out for you."